Return

23 08 2014

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Misplaced for a year and longing to be by the shore. I am thankful that for the time I must be here, the shore is not too far away. I sit on the sand close to the wave breaker and contemplate the beauty of the big body of water before me. I listen to the melodic sounds of the waves as they come to meet the shore and the birds as they get ready to feed before the sunset. There is always a lot of people around me but not with me. Families playing in the water, couples walking on the shore, moms taking pictures of their sons and friends having a good time while the beautiful sunset colors paint the background of their memories.

Time and space seems to stand still but as I see the sun go down I know time is passing even if I would like to hold on to that moment for an eternity. I keep asking God what can I do to remain by the shore, to remain in the peace and tranquility of that moment. There are so many unanswered questions but somehow I know he is moving along where I should be and that in time I will know the answer.

Last night in talking to a friend I got part of that answer and perhaps it was not what I expected but it is becoming clear to me. In the uncertainty of my personal life and in trying to make lifetime decisions I was steered away of my thoughts about what I should give up. I must be strong and stand up to demand what I’ve earn during twenty-five years of sacrifice of my life. That sacrifice yield a legacy that I am still trying to lead towards excellence. It is an individual choice at this point but my children are my treasure and I will always be close to them whenever they need me. God knows the urgency to resolve my personal affairs so that I can return home, he won’t let me be one minute late. I ask him not to let those who gave me life to suffer alone on their last days on earth.

I will be back and by the shore because that is what my heart tells me I will be. It is the only place I see myself whole and content for the rest of my earthly life. It won’t be too long my dear ones; it won’t be too long…





Under a potter’s hands

9 08 2014

Faith is to believe in that which I cannot see. It is an abandonment of all I usually need to move forward; to know, see, prove, and explain. Trusting that I am blindly walking on a path constructed by the one who loves me the most, God, but I don’t necessarily know where is taking me. The emotions run on high sometimes because I want to know every single detail of my earthly journey and when I don’t I become anxious about the unknown. Having faith doesn’t mean I stay idle waiting for something; I must make the effort to move along somehow being hopeful and aware of what will unfold before me as I do, and then trust each step will take me closer to my goal.

Something strong could be chattered into dust and be rebuilt into something even stronger, different but stronger. When it doesn’t fill a good purpose anymore it is time to transform it, which is the beauty of starting anew. There is always hope for those who trust God and let themselves be molded like clay under a potter’s hand. There is power in letting go; because we are empty in order to be filled again with God’s grace, power and wisdom. I must not be blinded by what I see, but with what lies within a heart.





A true gift

29 07 2014

Today I offer forgiveness, I offer the chance to start anew and a shower of prayers descend upon both us, whose life has been altered by poor decisions made. It is time to rectify the past, to let another move on even though one would like to keep the other in chains, paying for the biggest mistake in his life. I know the consequences are hurtful but today there is a chance to make it alright to move on. We all make mistakes and we need to learn there is always ways to rectify our wrong doings, is not always intentional but circumstantial and as we move on away from the past it is alright to ask and offer forgiveness.

So the time has come and I release myself from the heavy chains that have been put over me as I fight for survival and see how strong I am with God’s help and the reasons why he had permitted all this time to pass before anything is resolved. I won’t question his wisdom and impel myself to act, leaving it all in his holy hands.





A Good Dad

14 06 2014

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Tomorrow we celebrate Father’s Day and as a reflection on this special day to all the dads out there I decided to write about my opinion of what a good dad is. A good dad is not only the one who gives you life, is the one who is always there for you even though he might not even be physically close to you. Is the one who let’s you be yourself and love you for it. One who with his life example teaches you what being loyal, faithful, loving and caring is all about. It is one that shows you how a woman must be treated, specially his wife or mother of his children; with love and respect under every circumstance. 

It is a measure that many men fall short of and few attain. A man who dare forgets he came to existence by a woman must be reminded that to be a good dad, a good man, he must not forget how he became one through his wife or partner. It is not an isolated event but one that must be cherished together, just like women should on Mother’s Day as well. 

I was blessed with and extraordinary man whom I call dad, one who has been a lifelong faithful man, hard worker, responsible, loving, caring and very respectful of my mother and all the women he meets. One that put his life on hold while my mother battled cancer for quite a while. By the time I went to relieve him he needed open heart surgery. I cared for both of them at the same time in two different hospitals, in two different towns. It was not easy. I can’t even imagine what he had to endure during seven long years. Thankfully my mother is in remission and they are enjoying life again.

 

So to all the Good Dads out there, Happy Father’s Day and to the ones that fall short I pray that you may appreciate my words and reap the rewards a good dad receives not only tomorrow but all the days of his life and beyond by the love and respect of not only his children but his wife or mother of his children and God himself. Your job after all is to reflect God the Father here on earth. 





Lost for words

22 01 2014

A writer’s life most be one of reflection and time to dedicate to his craft in order to be able to express the depth of his mind and soul. It needs to connect to the gift’s source; God. In the turmoil in which I still live it is hard to find that a place in which I am able to recognize what it is needs to flourish onto the pages or in this case onto screen as my fingers dance over the keyboard. How I long for times of tranquility, peace and joy…. I know is not that far off, at least I hope so. It is hard to really live without using my gifts. In a big part is the real way to be because otherwise I believe I merely exist… God did not want for me to just pass by this world, I must do and utilize the gifts he gave me and only then I will leave a footprint for others to see.   

My world is about to change, it has been a slow process but little by little what has no value is having a parade before my eyes as it leaves. Once out of sight I am sure it won’t be missed. The people who are real and somehow sustain me are all around me, the others walk away as their masks fall to the ground. I am so thankful to God for shedding from my life all that is not good for me. Sometimes I don’t see it or try to hang on to it but at the end letting go is the only thing that brings me peace. 

I find myself pressed for time at this moment and naturally all my inspiration disappear, perhaps in another time I will find that gap of space that will allow me to share with you a little bit more. For now I urge you to look for that time because like me, all of us have our gifts and our mission in life. Don’t let your life be insignificant, leave a footprint behind…





A year in time…

6 01 2014

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I still can believe a whole year went by and with it not much has changed. I had so many goals in mind and in part a lot of it has not come to reality because it doesn’t depend solely on me. It is truly amazing to see people you thought you knew act in ways you never imagined. In time I am learning to go with the flow, whatever that might be -as long as it does not keeps me away from God- and to enjoy each moment as it comes because at the end I have no idea when all will end. 

I continue to go to the shore over and over again, it is the only place I can clear my mind and relax. Nature has a great effect in me.  I long for the quiet times in which I could get in touch with my soul in order to let it flow into my writing… My life have changed so much. I long for certain things from my past life but would never go back to it. I am thankful for all the blessings received between all the pain and sorrow. I’ve become stronger and met many other women who like me have survived. Each personal path is unique and I must learn that nothing that comes my way is not meant to be, it is! 

As the year begin I am taking the leap, making changes and continue to look for ways to find my path. Even if it is slow, at the end all will be well. I am embracing all the goodness around me.  I need to regain my artistic touch again, my ability to express with words what lies within. Using my talents is one of my priorities this year because it has been too long and it is time to reclaim an integral part of who I am.   





Lessons Learned

12 09 2013

Life in this world is about learning. We are taught and tested continuously; if we don’t get it believe me that the lesson will be put before us many times in different ways and forms until we master it. Instinct is deep within us to trigger signals as we move along in life and begin to make choices. Sometimes we detect it, others is so subtle that we let it pass by, but if we do it only causes something negative in our life. Emotions feed a kind of thrill that our heart and body craves for; sometimes good, sometimes bad. It’s what makes us feel alive. There is a fine line in merging our mind and our emotions.

One thing that amazes me is how certain people can go through life hurting others. We are losing the ability to see each other as human beings with heart and emotions. Respecting another human being only speaks about the quality of person that we are. It doesn’t matter if we have a lot schooling and degrees if inside we lack the ability to sympathize with the value of others around us. The naive is reeled in so many ways that is very hard for someone without street smart to detect all the dynamics that could possibly harm them. 

Sometimes I wonder what my new life will look like. Would I be able to navigate this world’s uncertainty? Would I ever learned to play a game I dislike? Is there more people like me in this world?  I wish I could fly but the heaviness of all my emotions keeps me bound to the ground. 

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One day I will be by the shore again, it seems like that is the only place where I feel at ease. I don’t want to lose hope. I look for the lighthouse I left behind so long ago… Who knows if I will ever find a safe harbor to disembark and live happily ever after, if such thing exists.  








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