The journey of many steps

18 02 2014

Journeys begin with just one step and I began mine almost three years ago. The journey to my true self, that one that I lost long time when I stopped living on my own terms and allowed someone else to transform me into a co-dependent individual. All became crystal clear last night as I met with a group of strong women who are doing the same thing I am, breaking free from oppression. This oppression takes many shapes and forms and it could be related to relationships, work, family or material things. I am so glad that I continue to grow and that I never stop learning, there is so much that can be done and accomplished when it is you and God who have the control of your life and purpose.

I have taken many paths on this exploration as I find my way to the ultimate place where I am supposed to be. At times I have to take detours but most of the time I am moving forward. My education is key to this quest to reach the summit and I will do whatever it takes to accomplish it. At times I look back at the moments I felt whole and inspired, it seems to me like it was light years ago. I had time to pray, meditate, and write. Now it is hard to find those moments, it seems like I worry too much about the future and forget to be in the present moment. Today is not that day, I find myself inspired to share with you that nothing is wasted, there is a lesson in everything and each and every moment is a gift from God to move me forward somehow. I am thankful, grateful for all that happens to me.

My studies will be retaken soon, it will be a challenge, something I usually like and in the long run the “disadvantages” will be the tool to take me where I want to be faster. Blessed be God and hopefully I feel like today often so that I can come here and share with you my hope, my journey as I take the many steps to the summit of my life.





21 days and distance

23 01 2014

You probably heard it, 21 days to get over anything, a bad habit, behavior or relationship. It  sounds simple but it is really hard especially if it is a relationship or something you thought resembled one but wasn’t. I usually see what I want to see and somehow alter or try to disguise reality. Learning to be brutally honest and have my eyes opened while I keep my heart out of the equation for a while is hard. Those days of diving into the emotions are long gone but somehow I miss it. It is not healthy to go with the emotions it needs to be moderated by the reason and wisdom. I am divinely guided by time and distance and while I stand back and take a look at the reality I feel somehow relieved but lonely. I know it is because something amazing awaits. So I’m thankful for another 21 days and distance…

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Lost for words

22 01 2014

A writer’s life most be one of reflection and time to dedicate to his craft in order to be able to express the depth of his mind and soul. It needs to connect to the gift’s source; God. In the turmoil in which I still live it is hard to find that a place in which I am able to recognize what it is needs to flourish onto the pages or in this case onto screen as my fingers dance over the keyboard. How I long for times of tranquility, peace and joy…. I know is not that far off, at least I hope so. It is hard to really live without using my gifts. In a big part is the real way to be because otherwise I believe I merely exist… God did not want for me to just pass by this world, I must do and utilize the gifts he gave me and only then I will leave a footprint for others to see.   

My world is about to change, it has been a slow process but little by little what has no value is having a parade before my eyes as it leaves. Once out of sight I am sure it won’t be missed. The people who are real and somehow sustain me are all around me, the others walk away as their masks fall to the ground. I am so thankful to God for shedding from my life all that is not good for me. Sometimes I don’t see it or try to hang on to it but at the end letting go is the only thing that brings me peace. 

I find myself pressed for time at this moment and naturally all my inspiration disappear, perhaps in another time I will find that gap of space that will allow me to share with you a little bit more. For now I urge you to look for that time because like me, all of us have our gifts and our mission in life. Don’t let your life be insignificant, leave a footprint behind…





A year in time…

6 01 2014

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I still can believe a whole year went by and with it not much has changed. I had so many goals in mind and in part a lot of it has not come to reality because it doesn’t depend solely on me. It is truly amazing to see people you thought you knew act in ways you never imagined. In time I am learning to go with the flow, whatever that might be and to enjoy each moment as it comes because at the end I have no idea when all will end. 

I continue to go to the shore over and over again, it is the only place I can clear my mind and relax. Nature has a great effect in me.  I long for the quiet times in which I could get in touch with my soul in order to let it flow into my writing… My life have changed so much. I long for certain things from my past life but would never go back to it. I am thankful for all the blessings received between all the pain and sorrow. I’ve become stronger and met many other women who like me have survived. Each personal path is unique and I must learn that nothing that comes my way is not meant to be, it is! 

As the year begin I am taking the leap, making changes and continue to look for ways to find my path. Even if it is slow, at the end all will be well. I am embracing all the goodness around me.  I need to regain my artistic touch again, my ability to express with words what lies within. Using my talents is one of my priorities this year because it has been too long and it is time to reclaim an integral part of who I am.   





Wrapped

26 09 2013

Minutes,  hours and days go by… It is all uncertainty. It is a long time wondering the best way to play this game we call life. Perhaps the calm hasn’t reach the soul and I failed to meditate like I used to. Guided always by intuition but sometimes going with emotions. Fleeting moments that perhaps might be memorable and embracing others that causes only pain…

Dream of been wrapped with an armor to shield my heart and soul but the pain sometimes is the only thing that lets me know I am alive, present, with an open heart. One day it will be appreciated, treasured, cherished… I long for that day. I breathe in and out and clear my mind, control my emotions. I look to the horizon hoping to see the sail of the boat that will take me to shores unknown, to happiness not revealed… One day I will see the eyes that slowly reach deep within my being, searching to be that fire that will consume all my fears and wrapped me in unmeasured love and affection feeding all my senses…

How I wish it would be you, because it is all I see and want in this moment… How I wish you can feel this overwhelming sense of want and desire, pure and calming at the same time you look into my eyes… It seems like a dream and at other times a fantasy of a wannabe world in which I stop bleeding. I know that day will come and someone will wrap me into his world, into his dreams, into his fantasies to make it all come true… 





Lessons Learned

12 09 2013

Life in this world is about learning. We are taught and tested continuously; if we don’t get it believe me that the lesson will be put before us many times in different ways and forms until we master it. Instinct is deep within us to trigger signals as we move along in life and begin to make choices. Sometimes we detect it, others is so subtle that we let it pass by, but if we do it only causes something negative in our life. Emotions feed a kind of thrill that our heart and body craves for; sometimes good, sometimes bad. It’s what makes us feel alive. There is a fine line in merging our mind and our emotions.

One thing that amazes me is how certain people can go through life hurting others. We are losing the ability to see each other as human beings with heart and emotions. Respecting another human being only speaks about the quality of person that we are. It doesn’t matter if we have a lot schooling and degrees if inside we lack the ability to sympathize with the value of others around us. The naive is reeled in so many ways that is very hard for someone without street smart to detect all the dynamics that could possibly harm them. 

Sometimes I wonder what my new life will look like. Would I be able to navigate this world’s uncertainty? Would I ever learned to play a game I dislike? Is there more people like me in this world?  I wish I could fly but the heaviness of all my emotions keeps me bound to the ground. 

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One day I will be by the shore again, it seems like that is the only place where I feel at ease. I don’t want to lose hope. I look for the lighthouse I left behind so long ago… Who knows if I will ever find a safe harbor to disembark and live happily ever after, if such thing exists.  





A year ago

27 08 2013

A year ago

This is what my eyes contemplated a year ago, today the panoramic view is completely different. From mountain to flat land. Life is not static…








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