Moments in time…

27 10 2014

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There was a time I almost drown in between a turmoil of emotions. Chained and dragging feelings of freedom looking out from a cell. Words were my refuge, the elixir that made me live again. Your light brought me back to shore and as I lay on the beach the warmth of your tender words made dream of new places, new galaxies, new hopes and dreams. It was a surreal world for us as with each word we created something beautiful that satisfied within. It put a smile back on my face. Then I awake, it was all a dream. You were not real but a figment of my imagination, the perfection of something nonexistent that offered hope. It was a gift from above to have you beside me, so tender, so warm, even though you were not real.

Dreams are like that, instruments to transmit messages, to convey wisdom, to provoke joy… How I wish I was dreaming right now and out of nothing you would appear before me, like so long and guide me and offer me the consolation I need. To stir my imagination in all directions and help me create the unimaginable. I know you linger in the air as I breathe and caress my hair while I walk along the shore. Keep coming to me with each wave and kiss my feet right before you leave me again. Don’t ever think for a moment I don’t long for those moments in time… there were just so, so sweet to me.





Endless Tears

26 10 2014

I guess now I know the reason to avoid at all costs the reality of solitude. It strips me bare, leaves me without defense against what tore the heart and soul. It touches emotions I might as well live without when they provoke tears, pain and sorrow. I breathe in and out trying to contain the emotions, to keep controlled and with a clear mind. It is not good to hold on to emotions for too long, is not good to be alone for a long time either.

Stretch my arms to the heavens, looking out for that star that will guide me in the dark. Wrap myself under the covers to feel the warmth of a body who wants to turn cold. I want to see the light, I want to let myself go into the infinity or a realm of things and a place unknown but was promised to us. A valley full of flowers where only light, peace and happiness exists. A place where there is no more tears, where joy reigns.

I saw a lighthouse at a distance so long ago, it was a promise to always be there, just on the breakers to help me find my way, to help me be safe. I am either right on the open sea, far, far away from shore. I don’t see a dim light but strong waves coming at me and I’m growing weary. If only I knew that in a short time I will see that light…I guess these are the warrior tears in between battles, trying to stay alive knowing well the enemy is relentless and the battle seems endless. With it the emotions come and go as I need to control them in order to survive. One minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time, a week, a month, a year, and years. Time to wash away the tears to clear my vision and keep on, there is no other way to remain alive.





Return

23 08 2014

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Misplaced for a year and longing to be by the shore. I am thankful that for the time I must be here, the shore is not too far away. I sit on the sand close to the wave breaker and contemplate the beauty of the big body of water before me. I listen to the melodic sounds of the waves as they come to meet the shore and the birds as they get ready to feed before the sunset. There is always a lot of people around me but not with me. Families playing in the water, couples walking on the shore, moms taking pictures of their sons and friends having a good time while the beautiful sunset colors paint the background of their memories.

Time and space seems to stand still but as I see the sun go down I know time is passing even if I would like to hold on to that moment for an eternity. I keep asking God what can I do to remain by the shore, to remain in the peace and tranquility of that moment. There are so many unanswered questions but somehow I know he is moving along where I should be and that in time I will know the answer.

Last night in talking to a friend I got part of that answer and perhaps it was not what I expected but it is becoming clear to me. In the uncertainty of my personal life and in trying to make lifetime decisions I was steered away of my thoughts about what I should give up. I must be strong and stand up to demand what I’ve earn during twenty-five years of sacrifice of my life. That sacrifice yield a legacy that I am still trying to lead towards excellence. It is an individual choice at this point but my children are my treasure and I will always be close to them whenever they need me. God knows the urgency to resolve my personal affairs so that I can return home, he won’t let me be one minute late. I ask him not to let those who gave me life to suffer alone on their last days on earth.

I will be back and by the shore because that is what my heart tells me I will be. It is the only place I see myself whole and content for the rest of my earthly life. It won’t be too long my dear ones; it won’t be too long…





Under a potter’s hands

9 08 2014

Faith is to believe in that which I cannot see. It is an abandonment of all I usually need to move forward; to know, see, prove, and explain. Trusting that I am blindly walking on a path constructed by the one who loves me the most, God, but I don’t necessarily know where is taking me. The emotions run on high sometimes because I want to know every single detail of my earthly journey and when I don’t I become anxious about the unknown. Having faith doesn’t mean I stay idle waiting for something; I must make the effort to move along somehow being hopeful and aware of what will unfold before me as I do, and then trust each step will take me closer to my goal.

Something strong could be chattered into dust and be rebuilt into something even stronger, different but stronger. When it doesn’t fill a good purpose anymore it is time to transform it, which is the beauty of starting anew. There is always hope for those who trust God and let themselves be molded like clay under a potter’s hand. There is power in letting go; because we are empty in order to be filled again with God’s grace, power and wisdom. I must not be blinded by what I see, but with what lies within a heart.





A true gift

29 07 2014

Today I offer forgiveness, I offer the chance to start anew and a shower of prayers descend upon both us, whose life has been altered by poor decisions made. It is time to rectify the past, to let another move on even though one would like to keep the other in chains, paying for the biggest mistake in his life. I know the consequences are hurtful but today there is a chance to make it alright to move on. We all make mistakes and we need to learn there is always ways to rectify our wrong doings, is not always intentional but circumstantial and as we move on away from the past it is alright to ask and offer forgiveness.

So the time has come and I release myself from the heavy chains that have been put over me as I fight for survival and see how strong I am with God’s help and the reasons why he had permitted all this time to pass before anything is resolved. I won’t question his wisdom and impel myself to act, leaving it all in his holy hands.





A Good Dad

14 06 2014

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Tomorrow we celebrate Father’s Day and as a reflection on this special day to all the dads out there I decided to write about my opinion of what a good dad is. A good dad is not only the one who gives you life, is the one who is always there for you even though he might not even be physically close to you. Is the one who let’s you be yourself and love you for it. One who with his life example teaches you what being loyal, faithful, loving and caring is all about. It is one that shows you how a woman must be treated, specially his wife or mother of his children; with love and respect under every circumstance. 

It is a measure that many men fall short of and few attain. A man who dare forgets he came to existence by a woman must be reminded that to be a good dad, a good man, he must not forget how he became one through his wife or partner. It is not an isolated event but one that must be cherished together, just like women should on Mother’s Day as well. 

I was blessed with and extraordinary man whom I call dad, one who has been a lifelong faithful man, hard worker, responsible, loving, caring and very respectful of my mother and all the women he meets. One that put his life on hold while my mother battled cancer for quite a while. By the time I went to relieve him he needed open heart surgery. I cared for both of them at the same time in two different hospitals, in two different towns. It was not easy. I can’t even imagine what he had to endure during seven long years. Thankfully my mother is in remission and they are enjoying life again.

 

So to all the Good Dads out there, Happy Father’s Day and to the ones that fall short I pray that you may appreciate my words and reap the rewards a good dad receives not only tomorrow but all the days of his life and beyond by the love and respect of not only his children but his wife or mother of his children and God himself. Your job after all is to reflect God the Father here on earth. 





Lost for words

22 01 2014

A writer’s life most be one of reflection and time to dedicate to his craft in order to be able to express the depth of his mind and soul. It needs to connect to the gift’s source; God. In the turmoil in which I still live it is hard to find that a place in which I am able to recognize what it is needs to flourish onto the pages or in this case onto screen as my fingers dance over the keyboard. How I long for times of tranquility, peace and joy…. I know is not that far off, at least I hope so. It is hard to really live without using my gifts. In a big part is the real way to be because otherwise I believe I merely exist… God did not want for me to just pass by this world, I must do and utilize the gifts he gave me and only then I will leave a footprint for others to see.   

My world is about to change, it has been a slow process but little by little what has no value is having a parade before my eyes as it leaves. Once out of sight I am sure it won’t be missed. The people who are real and somehow sustain me are all around me, the others walk away as their masks fall to the ground. I am so thankful to God for shedding from my life all that is not good for me. Sometimes I don’t see it or try to hang on to it but at the end letting go is the only thing that brings me peace. 

I find myself pressed for time at this moment and naturally all my inspiration disappear, perhaps in another time I will find that gap of space that will allow me to share with you a little bit more. For now I urge you to look for that time because like me, all of us have our gifts and our mission in life. Don’t let your life be insignificant, leave a footprint behind…








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