High powered emotions

I guess in every transition in life, emotions play a big part. Changes challenges us to dig deep within and by moving us forward into unknown terrain many times brings about high powered emotions.

In my personal experience I am learning that pretending that everything is alright, even if it is to maintain the balance of family life, is wrong.  The balance you believe you maintained in order to provide a proper well being state become altered when reality hits all those involved. I know we do all this with the best intentions for our loved ones, specially our children but in the long run it could backfire. I don’t know how to justify a good relationship or to offer any hope that such thing exists or its possibility because even though I thought I had one, the reality is I never did. It is important that we learn how to identify  good and bad relationships in order to step or walk away from them along our life. Everyone needs to be treated with respect and be appreciated just the way they are. A relationship is the embracing of another human being in their own essence, to be enjoyed, cherished and to help it continue to grow and expand as it journey through life to complete its earthly mission. Any sign of resistance, put down, forced changed should be stopped in order to protect the essence of who that person is and what makes her feel happy and realized. 

I am slowly learning to not pay much attention to what others perceived of me by just looking at the external. As long as my conscience and my essence is not forced to be altered in order to please someone else, I move forward with my head high no matter what their thoughts and opinions are. In the end what is real is what is revealed and I have nothing to be afraid of. 

Life is a long journey towards our self and then toward the world around us, you can’t have just one. Our purpose is to shine in our own light and to share that light with those in tune to this purpose to move along making a big impact on others. Lately I have been able to get in contact with many people who are committed to move along those lines, and lend a helping hand to all those they encounter in order to live a good life. It took being REAL to be able to attract those people into my life and my circle of good friends. It took seeing the value I have as a human being instead of someone with a lot of shortcomings according to someone else perceptions. I am not perfect and have failed many times like everyone has,  but I have good values and I stand by truth. I would admit to my faults and learn from my mistakes. Most of all i know that the way I act towards others reflect the person that I am within. I still have a long way to go but at least right now I know that even though I have to go through some high powered emotions along the way it is okay to do so, because that means that I am in touch with my frail humanity which is made strong when I open my heart to my creator. He is guiding me to the path I must walk on and even though at times the terrain is rocky and I might fall, he is always there to help me up and to heal my wounds.   

 

Sunset

 

 

Lately I am really enjoying watching sunsets, at this time of the year they are breathtaking. I sit close to the water and as the waves kiss the sand every so often I begin to feel the slight warmth the sun radiates as it goes down. It’s the anticipation, the dimming of light around me awakes all my senses within. I don’t want to talk, all I want is to listen to the sounds around me and enjoy the hues of colors transform the sky before me. It’s magical. 

I wonder what moves you, what is it that makes you stop and listen to the core of your being? Staying connected to ourselves is so important, do you realize how much?

The last day of 2012

As the year comes to a close I reflect upon the fact that life is beautiful right along the trials, tribulations, blessings and encouragement I have the privilege to live. I spent it in two different parts of the world, each one with its own beauty and special blessings in my life. It also contained a diverse group of people who supported, encourage, challenged and loved me along the way. I lived new experiences, some good and some bad but all adds up to the lessons I needed to learn in order to continue my growth.

I am stronger, clear about my value, my dreams and goals and most of all of my capacity to make it a reality. All of my fears were unfounded because fears are not real, I needed to take that leap of faith and trust and what I did was fly… Yesterday I went to the movies and a saw a preview of Will Smith’s new movie to be released called After Earth. One phrase hit me as i watched it “In order to survive we must realize that FEAR is not real, is a product of thoughts you create. But do not misunderstand me, DANGER is very REAL but FEAR is a CHOICE.”  This will become my motto for 2013:  DANGER is very real, but FEAR is a choice. No more FEAR in my life, it doesn’t exist and life is one that needs to be lived and walked on with firm steps and most of all with integrity. I will get what I give and expect only the best in all.  

I read a comment right under the movie trailer of this movie and noticed how  two different people perceptions were expressed. One was impressed with the same phrase I was, the other was a total negative person saying that Will Smith made this movie with his son in order to create an opportunity for him that nobody would give him for being a black actor. My point exactly. I am not certain if that is the case but even if it was, what is the point?. In life you do whatever it takes to make your dreams a reality; you train or study, you learn, you work hard and go for it. If one door closes you look for a window, turn to another door or bring down the walls that separate you from your goal.  We have it too easy sometimes, I believe we have forgotten how our ancestors worked, fought and died for the little things we take for granted today thanks to all their efforts to make it our standard of living. We lack the creativity to face challenges and to overcome them. We lack the strength to hang in there until all is accomplished according to our goals, our values and must of all justly. I believe we need to grow in knowledge of our value and the power we possess to change and transform ourselves in our world regardless of what other people might think or say. Our true value is within and God has given us a treasure to work with. It is up to us to discover what that treasure is and appreciate it. We need to learn to pay the price. In life, at work in our relationships with one another all has a price and the way we handle different situations will give us rewards or regrets. I don’t know which one you prefer but I prefer rewards even though it is true that we gain wisdom with each of our regrets. No living experience is wasted in God’s infinite mercy. I learned that moving forward sometimes is done crawling if I have to,  but NEVER giving up.  

So as 2013 begins in just a few hours from now, I look forward to the life lessons it will teach me as I continue to grow and expand the horizon of my own territory. I will learn how to use my gifts and talents to transform what will shape my world. I have the power to shape and transform every single detail on it no matter what comes my way because my strength comes from the one who created me who  is infinite, all knowing and all powerful.  

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013 TO ME AND TO ALL OF YOU, BE BLESSED ABUNDANTLY. 

         

The last days of 2012

Well here I am, in the last days of 2012. This year has been intense and had so many shades of all I have become during the recreation of my own life, I am not done yet. Deep inside I know I will never be done as I pick and choose those things and people that will be part of my life.

Life taught me:  

• Nothing last forever and I need to appreciate each and every moment in my life like my last because I don’t know when that moment will be.
• I learned that plans are good to have but I need to follow that internal guidance I possess connected to my creator in order to make all my final decisions. 
• I get exactly what I give away to others, so I am careful not to go in the direction I wish not.
• Words are worthless without action right behind it.
•  When I feel uncomfortable it is because something is getting on the way or wants to alter my good intentions.
• When something keeps presenting over and over again to me, it is because I must look into it and find its value. 
• Not everything and everyone that comes into my life is of value, life is about sifting the good and the bad; learning from the bad and cherishing the good. 
• Not everything that shines is gold. 
• Sometimes I need to go in a whole new direction, with options I’ve never thought of and with skills I haven’t developed but that I can gain. The sky is the limit. 
• It is important to be alert to what is happening around me, what is moving the world, the economy and people’s emotions and decisions. I need to be in tune with it in order to continue to grow and succeed.
• Life is not static, it is continually evolving and  I need to do the same. It might feel good and comfortable to be in a routine but it sure gets stale with time… 
• Imminent death awaits when something remains the same over a long period of time.
• At some levels, some “deaths” needs to take place in our life in order to resurrect stronger and transformed.  
• Forgiveness doesn’t mean I will let the person or the situation remain or re-surge in my life. I am very clear about what I deserve in my life.
• I am strong not only because internally I have grown but because I have an army of souls in heaven and on earth right behind me. It is important to stay connected to God, your family and your friends in order to survive. 
• Divide and conquer is the weapon of abusers. I will never let anyone divide me from anyone or anything I love and enjoy in my life. 
• Money does not assure happiness. Love and respect from myself does. Then I can go on to love the world. 

I am sure these are not all the things I have learned but as these last days of 2012 roll by I will be reflecting some more. I am looking forward to the lessons I will learn on 2013, it is my lucky number and I am sure that it will be spectacular because what I learned on 2012 will give me that push I need to propel myself to heights I never imagined. I wish you do the same and don’t let anyone but yourself, select the shades of colors that will go on your Life Canvas.  

Sunset…

The beauty of a sunset is in the one who beholds its beauty by contemplating it…

As the sun rises

There are no words to describe the longing I feel to be back home, to drive and to see the sunrise like I used to… Everything about what surrounded me there had a purpose; the sounds, the colors, the people, the food, the warmth of island living. I realize that many people are driven by bringing out the negative but to me my time there was a blessing. It was the chance to be whole again, to be with family and friends and most of all to be tranquil.

I don’t know if God will ever bring me back to the island, all I know is that if that is the case it is because it is the best for me. At this moment in time I must be far away and I need to remember that I am strong and that I can handle anything that comes my way because God is beside me. As I finally come to terms to put an ending note accordingly to earth’s rules and regulations I must admit it hasn’t been easy. I’ve been surprised by the the person I thought I knew but who is a total stranger to me now. But that is life and in the long run it all be a lesson to grow in character and faith.

In the meantime I will look to enjoy the sunrise from a distant land, and to feast in the sounds around me, and do my best to grow my circle of friends in order to move on. There is nothing like selecting those special people in your life who will help you in your earthly journey, we are all connected and God will bring each one of them to me and I will be able to identify them. It is a journey, and my earthly mission is not finished yet. It is evolving and transforming me as it is transforming this world around me. I know it also needs to impact others. I hope I do well and that all that was meant to be, is.

Building almost from the ground up

In the long and hard process of rebuilding a life from what it was to what it will be there is a way of getting to know myself and those around me. It is never a black and white situation in which I know what to do or think about all the dynamics of this process in order to move towards what I want my life to become. Sometimes is loaded of heart aches and disappointments but I’ve learned that it is when I go into it with a lot of expectations that this occurs. I have, little by little, begun to shed all of those thoughts of expectations and by doing so a lot of the past pain is less present in my life. I still have expectations but it has nothing to do with humanity, it has to be with the final destination which I want to reach within and in the universe. By letting go of human expectations I’ve been able to see more clearly reality around me. I realize that not everyone is going to be part of my journey or to offer me any comfort and I am okay with that. I walk along my path doing what my heart and soul wants and I understand that not everyone is going to be able appreciate it every time, but that is not my purpose when I give it away. Giving helps me grow in ways I never expected before and knowing that I am not withholding what’s inside me for fear or to protect myself liberates me.

There are certain satisfactions I can’t keep myself from offering others, to do so will be to bury the essence of who I am, and by satisfactions I mean acts mainly of service. What is given to me must be shared with others with no strings attached. In my opinion the more I give, the more is given back to me in one way or another. To have mental and emotional clarity is just what I need at this moment in this long journey. At times I think that certain people might be the ones that will have a long journey with me but all of the sudden I realize that not one person is meant to be there for you all the way through totally. We can’t depend on another human being to withstand the test of time in this arduous work that is meant to be a personal journey toward the unknown. Some people are there for you along the way and they manage to be “present” in the parts of one’s life but it is only in a fragmented way, they come in and out as their time allow them because they also have a long journey of their own and that is the one that they need to be constantly present at.

I wish I could say that I am glad at this moment in my life because it will take to encounter another human being who can share the many blessings I receive. To me it will be to be given the opportunity to be with someone who is willing to share his mind, body and soul, someone who allows me to be present along his journey in the same place of the universe. This time I will not pretend that it will be forever but I will like for it to be for as long as our paths align with each other’s progress along our life. To be opened to another human being is to trust that the other is totally aware that you are an important part of their earthly journey, someone who can contribute something you want and need in order to be nurtured and supported. I don’t believe we can be alone; we need the warmth and caring from one another at so many different levels during our existence. It has been an awful long time for me to be at this stage but I understand that there is a process and the longer I take to understand it, the longer it will be for me to reach or identify that special someone in my life journey. I do feel I’m getting closer and though it still hurts when I fail, I am not burden with the load of negative feelings like in the past. I try not to judge myself or others, things and people are just the way they are and they will be or go towards what they need to in order to complete their journey.

Rebuilding almost from the ground up is to be able to take what I’ve constructed and destroyed until now and to make it, in so many ways, into what is meant to be. The way I know if it is right is by closing my eyes and going within; if I feel tranquil I am on the right track. Turbulence, anxiety, guilt or stress means only one thing, not been where I was meant to be.

Clary Lopez
January 29, 2012