A forced meditation

3 05 2015


Meditation used to be part of my daily routine, in time life took me into a war I had to fight hard and long to survive, and meditation took the back seat. After I resolved most of my personal issues related to my divorce and the big change in my life, I could not find the right time and place for meditation. The time I used to spend to mediate helped me to be sane, whole, clear and focus in the past. I attribute my mere survival during my difficult marriage to this practice. I know how important it is for our spiritual well-being, for our mind and soul. We are more than just a body and maintaining a balance is important for our health.

In my busy life schedule these days I kept neglecting the fact that I have a soul that I need to attend to.  God in his infinite wisdom has done everything to slow me down, to provide for me, to care for me in ways I never expected and still I did almost nothing to get back to meditation. Well, the ultimate happened last night, I lost my voice. I don’t remember ever getting sick and losing my voice. Last night was very important to me and at the end I struggled to used the last sounds from my vocal cords to express how I felt after a bitter disappointment. My hopes and dreams were shot down once more, I have no idea what else to do. Today I can’t emit a sound and even though it was a beautiful clear day outside I went nowhere. I watched Super Soul Sunday, and guess what was the theme today, meditation.

So here I am, writing to you and reflecting upon all that had happen to take me up to this moment. What is the purpose of having one of the most essential body functions taken away from me, my voice, and forcing me to silence in order for the spirit to be heard from within?  I have to admit that I love God but lately I am getting resentful of the love I’ve been denied of. I know he knows best and at the same time I keep pushing to have control over it. I don’t believe in crossing my arms and do nothing about what could be the rest of my life. I am afraid to surrender, I am a relentless fighter and giving up is not my forte, but what am I to do when the most desired prize feels unattainable? Believe it or not, I am meditating right now, I pause in between the words as they appear on the screen and I breathe in deeply… I must give up and surrender. I have to drop all my weapons to the ground, take off my shield and walk out defenseless unto whatever it is I will face. I feel like I am walking into the arena to be devoured by the lions. I guess the answer is Trust. I have to admit that I am afraid to trust, I’ve been hurt so many times because of it. I realize that it has not been my fault; I can’t take responsibility for other people’s actions, integrity, and honesty.  I see no other alternative but to trust right now;  I am tired, disappointed, sad and stripped of options here. I SURRENDER LORD, I yield to your will in my life. I put on your loving hands my dreams and desires, the love I so yearn to feel here on earth. I am dropping all my battle gear to the ground, I stand vulnerable before you so that you can clothe me with LOVE. You know how difficult this is for me. You made me a warrior in order to help me survive all my battles so far but this one belongs to YOU, you want to fight it for me and I will let you do it.

Moments of Silence

9 09 2008

A few days passed by and I can’t find a theme to write about, usually it is something I want to share with you; an experience, a question, an opinion, a dream or desire but lately I’m just floating above myself waiting for something to happen. That time hasn’t come. So in order not to wait too long before I lose you, I decided to tell you what is going through me.

I’m definitely attracting like minds to me and that is a consolation, for a while it gets really lonely if I can’t find people who speak the same language I do. At the same time I’m finding myself in a deep reflection mode in order to find my path to enlightenment. I need to make more time to quiet my mind and for some reason -with all the responsibilities and worries- it has been impossible. I need the sea, today I’ll go and seat in front of it. I can’t wait any longer. I guess I need to do what my dad taught me; “stand before it, give it all your worries and problems and let it carry them faraway from you.” he told me one day while I was contemplating the waves come in the shore.

We all need those moments of silence where not only we can be with ourselves but we can connect to the mind of God. Nobody said it will be easy but it will be worth it. Without silence our mind and soul grows weary.

Do you have moments of silence? Why or why not? What do you get from them?

Journey Within

24 05 2008

Taking time to withdraw from daily responsabilities and pressures in order to go within is something that has helped me reflect upon my earthly journey.

There are lessons presented to us on a daily basis with what we encounter in our life; people, work, new projects, world matters, problems to be solved, new goals and dreams.

Journeys within encapsules not only who we are, but also reveals in time who we are meant to be.

Nature Crave

14 04 2008


It was one of those days when all I wanted was to get closer to nature, is one of the places where my mind and soul are fed in different ways. The clean air, the sounds, my heart beating as I hike in the woods and look around me for interesting plants and animals. Unfortunately I got started close to noon time and the heat was a little bit too hot but I pressed on anyway and walked about 2 miles. Mostly sandy trails made the hike challenging but never the less it was worth the time and effort.

When I hike picture taking is part of the adventure, I want to capture the encountered beauty of the surroundings. My mind usually goes blank while I walk and feel each step move my body forward. I absorbe the energy from the sun on my skin and my ears are delighted by the sounds. The breeze refreshes my overheated body and the occasional shade invites me to stop and glance for a little while along the side of the trail.


I sat on a bench facing a small lake and there I tried to absorb the movement of the water towards the edge, the breeze is blowing softly as the birds go in an out of a little island in the center of it. I grab my bottle of water and feel my heart beat faster, then I take my camera and capture a few more shots of my surroundings. The pictures will serve me when I can’t be there but want to be transported by the memories of this day. It’s nature crave, one I enjoy having to let all my senses bask in the delight it stirs in my body, mind and soul.

Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity, Richness of Life