Another year, another blessing…

23 04 2015

Another year of life, another blessing. Today is my birthday and as I reflect upon the many experiences I have lived, I thank God for all the good and bad, for the highs and the lows and for giving me the strength to go on. He cares for me constantly, my most faithful partner in life and protected me from harm during my most recent car accident. There has been changes in my life, my world has been shaken once more and for now life is a little different. I trust it is for my best interest and in time I will know his intentions.

Sometimes we pray for a deep longing in our heart to be satisfied; it is interesting see how God respond to it. I am still yearning to understand his ways… He liberated me during this past year and I am emerging stronger than ever. There is no challenge I have not been able to overcome with his help, and I feel closer and closer to his spirit within me. At times I look outside of my being and feel lonely but then I realize that the love and treasures are inside of me. I shine like the stars and smile fully, I am alive! My gifts an talents surface and I flow with it with ease as I bask in his blessings.

I know there is still more coming, I am open, waiting in joyful hope. I know not what he has in store for me, but whatever or whoever he is I know it will be great. At the end all I need is Him. Happy birthday to me, I continue to be reborn and transformed once more into what I am meant to be.

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Good-bye 2014

30 12 2014

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The year is almost coming to an end. 2014 brought so many good and few bad things but overall it was the year I would never forget. My patience, knowledge, learning skills, faith, hopes and dreams were developed and some of it flourished. I learned that I am much stronger than I thought and that I can survive in the face of so many unjust and undeserved situations. It’s all good, is all behind me.

Among the good and awesome things that happened I got to be reunited with my son after 4 long years. I have no idea how we managed to stay apart that long but it wasn’t our choice and finally we embraced each other. Being a mother is one of biggest blessings God has bestowed upon me. I can’t imagine my life without any of my children. Life has changed for all of us but we are making the best of it. This Christmas season gave me a much needed break from college and work and by doing so giving me the chance to redefine my life in terms of goals and dreams for my future. I can’t let life just casually happen, I want to be an active participant and to do what it takes to shape it into something I will enjoy for years to come. God has blessed me with so many opportunities and given me the tools, contacts and knowledge to make it really great. It is very exciting.

My family has been next to me every step of the way as I faced evil and for that I am eternally thankful. God has provided for me of so many things and has not failed me yet. I am patiently waiting for my final big blessing and I know it will come one day. In the meantime life goes on and I can’t stop living. Loneliness is not my cup of tea but at times it is exactly what I have to deal with and I need to accept it. I just pray that my heart doesn’t get hard and stays open.

I wish all of you a lot of happiness, health and joy in 2015. Share with me what your hopes and dreams are and how 2014 impacted your life. We all learn from each other and somehow because of that survive terrible situations and enjoy each others joys! To you, to us, to this world who needs much healing and for all those who won’t be with their families these New Year’s Eve. May God bless all of us and let us fill his love because if we do we need nothing else.





Return

23 08 2014

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Misplaced for a year and longing to be by the shore. I am thankful that for the time I must be here, the shore is not too far away. I sit on the sand close to the wave breaker and contemplate the beauty of the big body of water before me. I listen to the melodic sounds of the waves as they come to meet the shore and the birds as they get ready to feed before the sunset. There is always a lot of people around me but not with me. Families playing in the water, couples walking on the shore, moms taking pictures of their sons and friends having a good time while the beautiful sunset colors paint the background of their memories.

Time and space seems to stand still but as I see the sun go down I know time is passing even if I would like to hold on to that moment for an eternity. I keep asking God what can I do to remain by the shore, to remain in the peace and tranquility of that moment. There are so many unanswered questions but somehow I know he is moving along where I should be and that in time I will know the answer.

Last night in talking to a friend I got part of that answer and perhaps it was not what I expected but it is becoming clear to me. In the uncertainty of my personal life and in trying to make lifetime decisions I was steered away of my thoughts about what I should give up. I must be strong and stand up to demand what I’ve earn during twenty-five years of sacrifice of my life. That sacrifice yield a legacy that I am still trying to lead towards excellence. It is an individual choice at this point but my children are my treasure and I will always be close to them whenever they need me. God knows the urgency to resolve my personal affairs so that I can return home, he won’t let me be one minute late. I ask him not to let those who gave me life to suffer alone on their last days on earth.

I will be back and by the shore because that is what my heart tells me I will be. It is the only place I see myself whole and content for the rest of my earthly life. It won’t be too long my dear ones; it won’t be too long…





A Good Dad

14 06 2014

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Tomorrow we celebrate Father’s Day and as a reflection on this special day to all the dads out there I decided to write about my opinion of what a good dad is. A good dad is not only the one who gives you life, is the one who is always there for you even though he might not even be physically close to you. Is the one who let’s you be yourself and love you for it. One who with his life example teaches you what being loyal, faithful, loving and caring is all about. It is one that shows you how a woman must be treated, specially his wife or mother of his children; with love and respect under every circumstance. 

It is a measure that many men fall short of and few attain. A man who dare forgets he came to existence by a woman must be reminded that to be a good dad, a good man, he must not forget how he became one through his wife or partner. It is not an isolated event but one that must be cherished together, just like women should on Mother’s Day as well. 

I was blessed with and extraordinary man whom I call dad, one who has been a lifelong faithful man, hard worker, responsible, loving, caring and very respectful of my mother and all the women he meets. One that put his life on hold while my mother battled cancer for quite a while. By the time I went to relieve him he needed open heart surgery. I cared for both of them at the same time in two different hospitals, in two different towns. It was not easy. I can’t even imagine what he had to endure during seven long years. Thankfully my mother is in remission and they are enjoying life again.

 

So to all the Good Dads out there, Happy Father’s Day and to the ones that fall short I pray that you may appreciate my words and reap the rewards a good dad receives not only tomorrow but all the days of his life and beyond by the love and respect of not only his children but his wife or mother of his children and God himself. Your job after all is to reflect God the Father here on earth. 





Lost for words

22 01 2014

A writer’s life most be one of reflection and time to dedicate to his craft in order to be able to express the depth of his mind and soul. It needs to connect to the gift’s source; God. In the turmoil in which I still live it is hard to find that a place in which I am able to recognize what it is needs to flourish onto the pages or in this case onto screen as my fingers dance over the keyboard. How I long for times of tranquility, peace and joy…. I know is not that far off, at least I hope so. It is hard to really live without using my gifts. In a big part is the real way to be because otherwise I believe I merely exist… God did not want for me to just pass by this world, I must do and utilize the gifts he gave me and only then I will leave a footprint for others to see.   

My world is about to change, it has been a slow process but little by little what has no value is having a parade before my eyes as it leaves. Once out of sight I am sure it won’t be missed. The people who are real and somehow sustain me are all around me, the others walk away as their masks fall to the ground. I am so thankful to God for shedding from my life all that is not good for me. Sometimes I don’t see it or try to hang on to it but at the end letting go is the only thing that brings me peace. 

I find myself pressed for time at this moment and naturally all my inspiration disappear, perhaps in another time I will find that gap of space that will allow me to share with you a little bit more. For now I urge you to look for that time because like me, all of us have our gifts and our mission in life. Don’t let your life be insignificant, leave a footprint behind…





Lessons Learned

12 09 2013

Life in this world is about learning. We are taught and tested continuously; if we don’t get it believe me that the lesson will be put before us many times in different ways and forms until we master it. Instinct is deep within us to trigger signals as we move along in life and begin to make choices. Sometimes we detect it, others is so subtle that we let it pass by, but if we do it only causes something negative in our life. Emotions feed a kind of thrill that our heart and body craves for; sometimes good, sometimes bad. It’s what makes us feel alive. There is a fine line in merging our mind and our emotions.

One thing that amazes me is how certain people can go through life hurting others. We are losing the ability to see each other as human beings with heart and emotions. Respecting another human being only speaks about the quality of person that we are. It doesn’t matter if we have a lot schooling and degrees if inside we lack the ability to sympathize with the value of others around us. The naive is reeled in so many ways that is very hard for someone without street smart to detect all the dynamics that could possibly harm them. 

Sometimes I wonder what my new life will look like. Would I be able to navigate this world’s uncertainty? Would I ever learned to play a game I dislike? Is there more people like me in this world?  I wish I could fly but the heaviness of all my emotions keeps me bound to the ground. 

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One day I will be by the shore again, it seems like that is the only place where I feel at ease. I don’t want to lose hope. I look for the lighthouse I left behind so long ago… Who knows if I will ever find a safe harbor to disembark and live happily ever after, if such thing exists.  





What to say…

9 10 2008

What do you say when the words escape your mind? when it goes in circles and land nowhere? when they long to come out but don’t even know how? I’ve been feeling that way, with a great need to write but not knowing what to say.

Writing to me is like breathing -just like a friend of mine said- and yet it has been hard to do. Sometimes you have to sit with your emotions for a while before something worthwhile emerges and I believe that’s where I have been lately, percolating the many facets of my mind, heart and soul. Perhaps you have felt the same way and preferred to listen instead of talking, reading instead of writing and meditating instead of preaching.

The more time it passes the more I panic that I won’t find a way out, that my words somehow will lose its strength, that I won’t know how to best express what lies within. I can’t let that happen because without sharing my words I feel like dying inside, my emotions will burst the seams that keeps me whole and then it will be hard to mend the fragments of my being. It is the way I give myself, a way to be and stay sane, to connect with me and those around me and love me and then by consequence love others.

I have fallen in a trap of expectations and perhaps that caused this draining mood. I’m letting go and embracing each moment as it comes but it doesn’t come easy. The more I do it the better it gets and who knows what I will experience then but whatever it is I will embrace it, love it and treasure it because it won’t be forced or expected but given freely as a gift.

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Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity, Richness of Life