Amanecer – Sunrise

A new phase in my life and it all began on a sunrise as I flew high above the clouds on an airplane headed to Puerto Rico. It was a time of fear of the unknown. I had no idea what awaited me as I landed on the island and my mind raced in a million different directions. It all came down to trust and faith that God would carry me through whatever came my way. I was called and with that call I knew there were graces attached, that’s how he works. He reminded me through my family and friends of the reality of his hand and protection over me as I stepped out in faith to answer his call on my life. I needed to stop looking at myself trying to gain control on my own and see me instead as a channel for his graces to work through me. It is hard not to want to have the control and direct my own steps. I know I need to be like the blind trusting in the guidance of another.

It has been six weeks since that day and we are now in my own territory. We’ve began to navigate the path which hopefully help us beat the challenges we are facing. It has taken a lot of hours of research and the implementation of health principles in order to get everything back in balance. I believe it’s time for an evaluation to see if anything has changed.

One of the hardest things to accept is that I don’t know how long all of these is going to take. I’m so used to layout plans and deadlines for projects to be completed and now I find myself living on a day to day basis with a lot of pending projects on hold. I feel uncomfortable, insecured and powerless in the situation. I need to be reminded that it is when I’m weak that I’m strong in Jesus who is the one who comes in and do whatever it is need to be done through me if I let him.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation in which you need to yield to God in order to go on? What struggles have you experienced as part of such experience?

The Present

To be silent is to face a challenge. I just returned from a silent retreat and I realize that it is so hard for people to remain silent for a long period of time, perhaps because we are used to the sound of our voice, to have our thoughts heard instead of trying to listen for an internal response. We are scared many times of whom we’ll find within us: a complete stranger. We feel uncomfortable to know of our faults and weaknesses and most of all of not knowing how to improve our spiritual life.

Today is my birthday, and it makes me think of what another year of life means to me. I’m thankful for the most for the priviledge to have life and health. I’ve managed to stay afloat among the many challenges which I have faced this past year and I try not to think much about the future. The present is all I have and I must concentrate on that every single day of my life. Fr. Healy reminded us about this reality this weekend, the present is a gift of God to us. Whenever I do the will of God you live in the present and I experience heaven on earth. It is so easy to miss my present by worrying about the past that’s gone or the future which is not here.

I’ve learned not to take anything or anyone for granted and most of all to put my trust in God in good and bad times. By accepting my nothingness before an awesome God and the little control I have over my life I’ve gained peace and tranquility in exchange. The Lord is the one who will direct my steps and direct my life, no one better than him to know what’s best for me. I confess that sometimes I feel like taking the control into my own hands but a massive wall raises before me letting me know that it is not my place to do so.