Partnership or dictatorship

8 03 2015

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It could happen to anyone. We are raised with certain customs and assumptions when it comes to love and marriage. Love is something we all want in our life and at the same is so fleeting today. I believe that what we know about relationships has a big part on the kind of relationships we develop with each other.

I was young, naive and ill equipped to know what a good relationship looked like. I followed on the steps of an old society that had nothing to do with the current era and I assumed I was doing the right things. What I failed to realize, I came to understand almost three decades later when I faced my failed relationship. Life is a classroom, I learn by my mistakes, by the chances I take and by the experiences I gain. There is no wishful thinking at work here, life it is what it is, good or bad reality and as I deal with it.  But I also learned that life is also exactly the way I think about it. I can choose to see a glass half full or half empty.

Happy and successful relationship are to be partnerships not a dictatorship.  That was a lesson I had not learned before I began the most important relationship of my life, my marriage. I gave total control of my life to someone who did not have my best interest in mind but his own. I am still questioning a lot of things but unlike in the past, I don’t blame myself anymore. The problem with a dictatorship relationship is that you are constantly blamed for everything, the dictator never takes responsibility for the outcomes of his acts. I have come to an understanding that I surrendered my power to someone else voluntarily in order to maintain the peace I longed for my kids and me.  I paid a very high price for that peace and at the end everything fell apart anyway. I want to believe that there was good reason for it all and that is not too late to experience what a true partnership is all about. I am positive, happy, moving forward as I wait for that moment.

When someone expects everything  from you without “serving” you in return you are in a dictatorship. This is the way a lot of our grandparents lived decades ago. That was all I was familiar with, even though I saw a little serving from my dad to my mom when I was young. Now years later I saw my dad’s  total giving and serving to my mother while she was diagnosed with a Lymphoma was a true example of what a partnership in marriage is. She deserves his total dedication because she has done exactly the same for him.

In this day and age, being single again had put me face to face with a lot of selfish individuals. People who live behind thick “walls” to keep distance from one another. People who do not know how to “serve” without expecting anything in return and fearing they will be taken advantage of. Past experiences are part of their mentality but we can’t be boxed in the past, as long as we do, we’ll  missing on the great possibilities ahead. I know well how scary it could be to put yourself out there with the possibility to be hurt again, I’ve felt it. However, if I don’t, I would not be living. Being armed with my new learned knowledge from my success and failures will pave my future. I trust myself and my ability to create a great partnership next time around. It took a long time but the rewards will be measured to the way I continue to be true and faithful to whom I am and the immense value of my soul. Nobody can steal that from me and nobody will pressure me to give it randomly without any kind of personal evaluation of the person who might want to be part of my life. True loving partnerships are awesome and that is what I want for my life, I won’t settle for anything less and neither should you. My life had to be completely destroyed in order to rebuild it the right way, with God by my side guiding me every step of the way. He is showing me what real love is about and how it should be expressed. His love for me and his constant presence in my life is the measure I will use for my next relationship. I might have to wait a while but there is a lot to do in the meantime and I trust his time knowing that he knows exactly what I deserve to get in this life.





Love is in the air

11 02 2015

Valentine’s Day, candy, flowers, dinners, fun times together… or is it? On this Valentine’s day I look forward to enjoy a long weekend, no expectations. Life is too short to start looking for specific actions and reactions from those around me. Love is something I try to give to the ones I love on a daily basis, not just on Valentine’s Day. I wait for daily blessings, for time together, for the presence of those I care no matter the day or time. It is the smile, the twinkle in the eye when they see me and how silly and spontaneous we can be together that I enjoy the most.

So love is in the air everyday, know that others want to feel that love also more than just in Valentine’s Day and help it grow with your authentic self, with your smile, with your embrace, without demands or expectations. It just flows and grows when your heart is open, sincere and at peace with who you are. God will help you see and feel the love of your life, don’t doubt, just trust that even though sometimes we question certain things is because  we might feel afraid of letting someone touch our hearts. It is a sacred space and believe me, it is better to share it.  Happy Valentine’s Day!!! Romantic-HD-Wallpaper





Worlds apart

10 01 2015

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When I travel, many times I find myself thinking about how other people live in different parts of the world. I imagine living in that place and I wonder the conversations, daily living and customs of that particular place in time. Many times it is a completely opposite on the way I am living in both extremes of the spectrum. Life is static if I make it so, if I start to hold myself from changes and new experiences. There is a lot of potential for change and improvement if I only take a chance at things. A simple smile to someone I don’t even know as I walk in the mall, a warm welcoming to someone who sits next to me at church, it all can trigger a complete set of events other than if I just mind my own business and don’t reach out to humanity and to the world around me.

Living alone brings a whole new set of dynamics I am not accustomed to. For me it is a hard and painful process at times but one I need to master for a while. This is not going to be forever. Since it was so hard to get someone who did not deserve to be next to me out of my life, I realize that now it is very hard at times to let someone else step in, and at the same time I long for the right person to come and do what it takes to whisk me off my feet. That time is so close, I can feel it. In the meantime I continue to improve myself in all the different areas of my life. For me the most important is my spiritual and emotional state.
Love grows in fertile terrain and I want to be as caring, free and loving as I can be to welcome a whole new life full of experiences that will help both of us grow in so many facets. We could be worlds apart in many dimensions of our existence but when we come together those worlds will merge and recreate a whole new place for us. Today I will meditate on that, this reflection came to me without much effort on my part and I believe because of that it came from a higher power in order for me to linger within at it and pull the true meaning of my existence and purpose in this world. What is your experience with the world? What do you imagine your life will be? How do you get there?





Good-bye 2014

30 12 2014

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The year is almost coming to an end. 2014 brought so many good and few bad things but overall it was the year I would never forget. My patience, knowledge, learning skills, faith, hopes and dreams were developed and some of it flourished. I learned that I am much stronger than I thought and that I can survive in the face of so many unjust and undeserved situations. It’s all good, is all behind me.

Among the good and awesome things that happened I got to be reunited with my son after 4 long years. I have no idea how we managed to stay apart that long but it wasn’t our choice and finally we embraced each other. Being a mother is one of biggest blessings God has bestowed upon me. I can’t imagine my life without any of my children. Life has changed for all of us but we are making the best of it. This Christmas season gave me a much needed break from college and work and by doing so giving me the chance to redefine my life in terms of goals and dreams for my future. I can’t let life just casually happen, I want to be an active participant and to do what it takes to shape it into something I will enjoy for years to come. God has blessed me with so many opportunities and given me the tools, contacts and knowledge to make it really great. It is very exciting.

My family has been next to me every step of the way as I faced evil and for that I am eternally thankful. God has provided for me of so many things and has not failed me yet. I am patiently waiting for my final big blessing and I know it will come one day. In the meantime life goes on and I can’t stop living. Loneliness is not my cup of tea but at times it is exactly what I have to deal with and I need to accept it. I just pray that my heart doesn’t get hard and stays open.

I wish all of you a lot of happiness, health and joy in 2015. Share with me what your hopes and dreams are and how 2014 impacted your life. We all learn from each other and somehow because of that survive terrible situations and enjoy each others joys! To you, to us, to this world who needs much healing and for all those who won’t be with their families these New Year’s Eve. May God bless all of us and let us fill his love because if we do we need nothing else.





Fantastic Day

22 12 2014

What a way to start a week; full of energy, looking out for that next blessing with a smile on my face. Life is so full of wonderful things. There is never a dull moment when there is awe in our life. That sense of wonder and hope that makes me happy and makes me smile while driving to work. I am infinitely blessed and there are no limits to what I can do with God’s help. He has been an awesome partner; taking care of me, guiding me and protecting me every step of the way. I know he has great things in store for me because all he gives is good and just. I can only say, I can’t hardly wait to open my eyes and see my new future, full of shine… Thank you for following my blog, for leaving your thoughts and comments, for encouraging and for wishing me well. I sure wish many blessings to be bestowed upon you and may this Christmas be unforgettable and the New Year bring you health most of all and lots of joy and laughter.





Life used to be simple

21 12 2014

Only ten more days and 2014 will be a thing of the past. What have I lived and learned during this past year? I don’t know about you but I am still learning. As a matter of fact I began learning about my life as it started to collapse as I knew it for so long. Still puzzled by its complexity and ever changing form, very unpredictable and sometimes unfair, or is it? I learned that at times I am called to live hardships, injustice, be stripped of everything to be completely bare in order to be completely transformed. I feel like clay under the potter’s hands, completely undone and being reshaped into something new.

I thought that once a certain situation was completely over something magically would change my life, it has in so many ways but I still wait for the ultimate change that will bring me joy and love. Perhaps there is still more to learn before I get there. It is very early in the morning and I’ve been awake for over an hour now even though I went to bed late. My heart is longing and my mind is racing. These words needed to find a way out. In reality I don’t know what to expect on 2015, I’m not sure if I should even go there. I am here now and there is still ten more days in the calendar but all I have is now. What do I do with this moment, how do I move forward and make the best of it, how do I welcome the wonderful blessings that awaits me this day? I need to voice my heart feelings and longings, my acceptance that I am still willing to love and be loved. Life was so simple.

Life was simple when I had not lived enough to know that life could change in a blink of an eye. That what you perceived as real wasn’t at all, and that your heart could be shattered into a million pieces but somehow be made whole again. There are beautiful moments lived and many more to come I’m sure. If I have learned something is not to lose hope because it is in my darkest moments that I am about to face the sunrise in my life. It is in the moment that I feel I can’t, that God is going to take over for me and get it done. Every tear of doubt and loneliness that rolls over my face now is pain leaving my heart to give way to joy and peace.

I am so thankful for all I have lived this year, for at last seeing the chains coming off of me and to look at myself in the mirror and say it’s done and I am stronger for it. Most of the battle is done but like an earthquake that hits suddenly, once it stops sometimes later comes the aftershocks. Life used to be simple or was it? Maybe it was the way I viewed it, the uncomplicated matters I needed to deal with then and as the time went on I took more and more not paying attention to the effects.

This Christmas I will welcome Jesus into my heart, he who came hell and high water sustained me during the battle and I’m sure has even more wonderful things in store for me. Then I will welcome the New Year with hopes and dreams without measure because I am a child of God and there are many great things he has planned for me. He knows my deepest longing and I’ve prayed for so long. All my tears will be wiped away. But on my here and now I open my heart and receive his blessings, his manifestations of love into my life and I pray for wisdom to always do the right things but never forgetting that when I fall he is always right there reaching out his hands and I just saw his hand right now, handing me another one to join mine.

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Happy birthday to me

13 11 2014

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I opened my eyes this morning and breathed deeply. It is a different sensation when I finally realize that I came out to the other side of the long tunnel and unto the light. It was a long and difficult journey, one that felt unending at times and that made me shed so many tears. It was all necessary to become stronger, to push me to the next level and let me be the creator of my own life.

Along the way I always had angels in disguise to comfort, console, guide, support, inform, and assist at any given moment. I was never alone and for that I thank God. Today is my birthday because my new state in life begins and it is up to me to make better choices and to paint my life with lots of colors. I want to shine on my own and to extend myself to others in positive and inspirational ways.

I will always pray for that person that was part of my life, after all I don’t wish the same I lived and endure for him. Today we start our new life, unbound from each other and all I hope is that we make it better the second time around.

So raise your cup with me and celebrate this special moment in which I feel peace and I begin to walk on new and unknown path. May the joy awaits me and God gives me the wisdom to choose better the next time around, if there is another time around… Cheers!!








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