When you know it in your heart

26 07 2015

BaldEagleFlyingMountain

The time has come in my life where I feel I should stop and listen closely, it has been nagging at me for decades. It is a shame that all this time has gone by but the internal urging never fades away. Fear keeps me grounded where I am, and I am thankful to God that he has sustained me this far until I come to my senses. I really don’t know the purpose of this wait other than I need to grow some more, I need to put on some more tough coatings over my skin to face the unknown and build on my trust on the one who gives me everything.

God created me with gifts and talents yet to be fully developed, and there is such greatness in all his designs, that I doubt this is all I will be able to do so far. I need to reach deep within and towards him in order to fulfill my mission and at the same time I try to live “safe.” I am reaching the edge of great cliff in which a vast land lies before me, I see the eagles fly and I long to fly with them. They too were at the edge right before they let go and jump forward towards the big empty space, trusting their wings and God provided the wind beneath it to lift them up… What a magnificent view must they have from above, what a thrilling sensation to be carried by faith alone.

Changes bring so many uncertainties, in today’s journal entry for my Psychology class I encountered an entry from one of the students facing his discontent towards his present work situation which created great stress in his life. This is my comment to him:

“I can relate to your stress related to your work. Work is such an extension of who we are, it should be considered (in my opinion) as what we are supposed to do in order to use our gifts and talents. At times we choose careers that provide us with the financial means we need to survive in society. In time those choices weigh heavy on us and we feel unhappy and unsatisfied. I believe we have an internal intuition to know these things, and in time we are faced with the reality to make a change. It is not easy to let go of what we know and jump off into the unknown… I am on that path myself, at the threshold to listen to my intuition telling me that I can be more than I am right now, and that my talents are not utilized properly. There is a certain peace I know we must feel when we are on the right path, and it takes courage to trust and move on towards the unknown.

I wish you the best in all you do, and may you find that place in which you will feel that you can be your ALL for the world to see.” e

*Eagle picture retrieved from http://grannysuesnews.blogspot.com/2012/05/high-places.html





Worlds apart

10 01 2015

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When I travel, many times I find myself thinking about how other people live in different parts of the world. I imagine living in that place and I wonder the conversations, daily living and customs of that particular place in time. Many times it is a completely opposite on the way I am living in both extremes of the spectrum. Life is static if I make it so, if I start to hold myself from changes and new experiences. There is a lot of potential for change and improvement if I only take a chance at things. A simple smile to someone I don’t even know as I walk in the mall, a warm welcoming to someone who sits next to me at church, it all can trigger a complete set of events other than if I just mind my own business and don’t reach out to humanity and to the world around me.

Living alone brings a whole new set of dynamics I am not accustomed to. For me it is a hard and painful process at times but one I need to master for a while. This is not going to be forever. Since it was so hard to get someone who did not deserve to be next to me out of my life, I realize that now it is very hard at times to let someone else step in, and at the same time I long for the right person to come and do what it takes to whisk me off my feet. That time is so close, I can feel it. In the meantime I continue to improve myself in all the different areas of my life. For me the most important is my spiritual and emotional state.

Love grows in fertile terrain and I want to be as caring, free and loving as I can be to welcome a whole new life full of experiences that will help both of us grow in so many facets. I could be worlds apart in many dimensions of our existence but when we come together those worlds will merge and recreate a whole new place for us. Today I will meditate on that, this reflection came to me without much effort on my part and I believe because of that it came from a higher power in order for me to linger within at it and pull the true meaning of my existence and purpose in this world. What is your experience with the world? What do you imagine your life will be? How do you get there?





Good-bye 2014

30 12 2014

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The year is almost coming to an end. 2014 brought so many good and few bad things but overall it was the year I would never forget. My patience, knowledge, learning skills, faith, hopes and dreams were developed and some of it flourished. I learned that I am much stronger than I thought and that I can survive in the face of so many unjust and undeserved situations. It’s all good, is all behind me.

Among the good and awesome things that happened I got to be reunited with my son after 4 long years. I have no idea how we managed to stay apart that long but it wasn’t our choice and finally we embraced each other. Being a mother is one of biggest blessings God has bestowed upon me. I can’t imagine my life without any of my children. Life has changed for all of us but we are making the best of it. This Christmas season gave me a much needed break from college and work and by doing so giving me the chance to redefine my life in terms of goals and dreams for my future. I can’t let life just casually happen, I want to be an active participant and to do what it takes to shape it into something I will enjoy for years to come. God has blessed me with so many opportunities and given me the tools, contacts and knowledge to make it really great. It is very exciting.

My family has been next to me every step of the way as I faced evil and for that I am eternally thankful. God has provided for me of so many things and has not failed me yet. I am patiently waiting for my final big blessing and I know it will come one day. In the meantime life goes on and I can’t stop living. Loneliness is not my cup of tea but at times it is exactly what I have to deal with and I need to accept it. I just pray that my heart doesn’t get hard and stays open.

I wish all of you a lot of happiness, health and joy in 2015. Share with me what your hopes and dreams are and how 2014 impacted your life. We all learn from each other and somehow because of that survive terrible situations and enjoy each others joys! To you, to us, to this world who needs much healing and for all those who won’t be with their families these New Year’s Eve. May God bless all of us and let us fill his love because if we do we need nothing else.





Happy birthday to me

13 11 2014

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I opened my eyes this morning and breathed deeply. It is a different sensation when I finally realize that I came out to the other side of the long tunnel and unto the light. It was a long and difficult journey, one that felt unending at times and that made me shed so many tears. It was all necessary to become stronger, to push me to the next level and let me be the creator of my own life.

Along the way I always had angels in disguise to comfort, console, guide, support, inform, and assist at any given moment. I was never alone and for that I thank God. Today is my birthday because my new state in life begins and it is up to me to make better choices and to paint my life with lots of colors. I want to shine on my own and to extend myself to others in positive and inspirational ways.

I will always pray for that person that was part of my life, after all I don’t wish the same I lived and endure for him. Today we start our new life, unbound from each other and all I hope is that we make it better the second time around.

So raise your cup with me and celebrate this special moment in which I feel peace and I begin to walk on new and unknown path. May the joy awaits me and God gives me the wisdom to choose better the next time around, if there is another time around… Cheers!!





Mix emotions in growth

3 11 2014

I am dying… I soon will be reborn. Is never easy to step away from the known, into the unknown. Even when the known part you know was not worth it. During the process of a divorce that grips your life for years because the other for whatever reason won’t let go of the other’s life is a very exhausting process. One might think if it is even worth even think about it again but then again comes the heart and the emotions and our human need to be loved, treasured and cherished. Does that really exists? I know that exists with God because he is the only one with me during this process, no earthly man compares to that love. I pray for that kind of love at an earthly level but it hasn’t arrived. I wonder and hope… I cry and I laugh, I run and I lay down, it is all in God’s precious time.

I feel dying at times of solitude, at times when I need a strong embrace, times when all I need is to feel safe and protected and that all my tears are wiped away. Does goodness goes unrewarded while abuse and humiliation gets its reward? How much can a human being can take? I guess I must see myself on the cross to get the answer. I wish it not to be so, and that somewhere in this world my answer might be glancing at my words. I can only hope and move on not focusing on the emotions and continue to grow because if I don’t, I die and evil will win. It doesn’t have to be so.





Lost for words

22 01 2014

A writer’s life most be one of reflection and time to dedicate to his craft in order to be able to express the depth of his mind and soul. It needs to connect to the gift’s source; God. In the turmoil in which I still live it is hard to find that a place in which I am able to recognize what it is needs to flourish onto the pages or in this case onto screen as my fingers dance over the keyboard. How I long for times of tranquility, peace and joy…. I know is not that far off, at least I hope so. It is hard to really live without using my gifts. In a big part is the real way to be because otherwise I believe I merely exist… God did not want for me to just pass by this world, I must do and utilize the gifts he gave me and only then I will leave a footprint for others to see.   

My world is about to change, it has been a slow process but little by little what has no value is having a parade before my eyes as it leaves. Once out of sight I am sure it won’t be missed. The people who are real and somehow sustain me are all around me, the others walk away as their masks fall to the ground. I am so thankful to God for shedding from my life all that is not good for me. Sometimes I don’t see it or try to hang on to it but at the end letting go is the only thing that brings me peace. 

I find myself pressed for time at this moment and naturally all my inspiration disappear, perhaps in another time I will find that gap of space that will allow me to share with you a little bit more. For now I urge you to look for that time because like me, all of us have our gifts and our mission in life. Don’t let your life be insignificant, leave a footprint behind…





A Message from Above

31 05 2009

I know how easy it could be to go through life without hearing God talk to us not even once, but then again it could be that we are not aware of it or even listening.

I have been crying out to God, to step in, to show up, to provide me with what I so desperately need right now, I don’t have it, he does and unless he pour it into me it will never be there.

Today is Pentecost Sunday, I dressed in red without even thinking about it and went to church. I carry with me a little book that helps me pray and meditate whenever the Spirit moves me, so I sat on the pew, knelt for a few minutes and then pulled out my little book. As I read I gasped for air; it was him, he was talking to me through the message I was reading. I felt his presence, his embrace, his pain for my pain and my eyes welled with tears, I could hardly see the words that were consoling me. My heart started pounding harder as I said, “oh God, oh God” and continued to try to hold back my tears. He is always there when I need him, no matter how long ago was the last time he revealed himself to me through whatever means he could use to touch me and let me know he was there, I am never alone. I ran to the restroom to get napkins since today for the first time I did not have my handkerchief, tears bathe my face. I don’t like to be dramatic, I wish I could just bury everything inside but all burst out like a volcano when I least expect it. I can’t hide my emotions. After that sweet embrace with God I felt calm come over me and then he provided me with even more with Bible scriptures and finally with the priest’s words. After the encounter my body felt weak and at times I was dizzy but nonetheless I was fed and strengthen to know he was there with me and that he no longer remained silent while I was looking for him so desperately.

I wish everyone has the chance to have the same experience, perhaps you have but if you haven’t be open and alert. Don’t expect to hear his voice but listen to the voices, music, sounds, words, anything that surrounds you. He uses so many things and people to let us know he is there and yet many don’t even know it. I wish I could explain this better for you but when you hear him you will know what I am talking about. Yield, be silent, pray, stop trying to have control and you will see what happens.

Today I can breathe a little bit more and it is because of him, because he is lifting some of the weight off my heart for a little bit. I hope that while I have this time that he also give me the wisdom to know what I should do next and gives me the courage to face what will be befall me. That is all I ask.

HAPPY PENTECOST DAY!!