Life used to be simple

21 12 2014

Only ten more days and 2014 will be a thing of the past. What have I lived and learned during this past year? I don’t know about you but I am still learning. As a matter of fact I began learning about my life as it started to collapse as I knew it for so long. Still puzzled by its complexity and ever changing form, very unpredictable and sometimes unfair, or is it? I learned that at times I am called to live hardships, injustice, be stripped of everything to be completely bare in order to be completely transformed. I feel like clay under the potter’s hands, completely undone and being reshaped into something new.

I thought that once a certain situation was completely over something magically would change my life, it has in so many ways but I still wait for the ultimate change that will bring me joy and love. Perhaps there is still more to learn before I get there. It is very early in the morning and I’ve been awake for over an hour now even though I went to bed late. My heart is longing and my mind is racing. These words needed to find a way out. In reality I don’t know what to expect on 2015, I’m not sure if I should even go there. I am here now and there is still ten more days in the calendar but all I have is now. What do I do with this moment, how do I move forward and make the best of it, how do I welcome the wonderful blessings that awaits me this day? I need to voice my heart feelings and longings, my acceptance that I am still willing to love and be loved. Life was so simple.

Life was simple when I had not lived enough to know that life could change in a blink of an eye. That what you perceived as real wasn’t at all, and that your heart could be shattered into a million pieces but somehow be made whole again. There are beautiful moments lived and many more to come I’m sure. If I have learned something is not to lose hope because it is in my darkest moments that I am about to face the sunrise in my life. It is in the moment that I feel I can’t, that God is going to take over for me and get it done. Every tear of doubt and loneliness that rolls over my face now is pain leaving my heart to give way to joy and peace.

I am so thankful for all I have lived this year, for at last seeing the chains coming off of me and to look at myself in the mirror and say it’s done and I am stronger for it. Most of the battle is done but like an earthquake that hits suddenly, once it stops sometimes later comes the aftershocks. Life used to be simple or was it? Maybe it was the way I viewed it, the uncomplicated matters I needed to deal with then and as the time went on I took more and more not paying attention to the effects.

This Christmas I will welcome Jesus into my heart, he who came hell and high water sustained me during the battle and I’m sure has even more wonderful things in store for me. Then I will welcome the New Year with hopes and dreams without measure because I am a child of God and there are many great things he has planned for me. He knows my deepest longing and I’ve prayed for so long. All my tears will be wiped away. But on my here and now I open my heart and receive his blessings, his manifestations of love into my life and I pray for wisdom to always do the right things but never forgetting that when I fall he is always right there reaching out his hands and I just saw his hand right now, handing me another one to join mine.

touch





The last day of 2012

31 12 2012

As the year comes to a close I reflect upon the fact that life is beautiful right along the trials, tribulations, blessings and encouragement I have the privilege to live. I spent it in two different parts of the world, each one with its own beauty and special blessings in my life. It also contained a diverse group of people who supported, encourage, challenged and loved me along the way. I lived new experiences, some good and some bad but all adds up to the lessons I needed to learn in order to continue my growth.

I am stronger, clear about my value, my dreams and goals and most of all of my capacity to make it a reality. All of my fears were unfounded because fears are not real, I needed to take that leap of faith and trust and what I did was fly… Yesterday I went to the movies and a saw a preview of Will Smith’s new movie to be released called After Earth. One phrase hit me as i watched it “In order to survive we must realize that FEAR is not real, is a product of thoughts you create. But do not misunderstand me, DANGER is very REAL but FEAR is a CHOICE.”  This will become my motto for 2013:  DANGER is very real, but FEAR is a choice. No more FEAR in my life, it doesn’t exist and life is one that needs to be lived and walked on with firm steps and most of all with integrity. I will get what I give and expect only the best in all.  

I read a comment right under the movie trailer of this movie and noticed how  two different people perceptions were expressed. One was impressed with the same phrase I was, the other was a total negative person saying that Will Smith made this movie with his son in order to create an opportunity for him that nobody would give him for being a black actor. My point exactly. I am not certain if that is the case but even if it was, what is the point?. In life you do whatever it takes to make your dreams a reality; you train or study, you learn, you work hard and go for it. If one door closes you look for a window, turn to another door or bring down the walls that separate you from your goal.  We have it too easy sometimes, I believe we have forgotten how our ancestors worked, fought and died for the little things we take for granted today thanks to all their efforts to make it our standard of living. We lack the creativity to face challenges and to overcome them. We lack the strength to hang in there until all is accomplished according to our goals, our values and must of all justly. I believe we need to grow in knowledge of our value and the power we possess to change and transform ourselves in our world regardless of what other people might think or say. Our true value is within and God has given us a treasure to work with. It is up to us to discover what that treasure is and appreciate it. We need to learn to pay the price. In life, at work in our relationships with one another all has a price and the way we handle different situations will give us rewards or regrets. I don’t know which one you prefer but I prefer rewards even though it is true that we gain wisdom with each of our regrets. No living experience is wasted in God’s infinite mercy. I learned that moving forward sometimes is done crawling if I have to,  but NEVER giving up.  

So as 2013 begins in just a few hours from now, I look forward to the life lessons it will teach me as I continue to grow and expand the horizon of my own territory. I will learn how to use my gifts and talents to transform what will shape my world. I have the power to shape and transform every single detail on it no matter what comes my way because my strength comes from the one who created me who  is infinite, all knowing and all powerful.  

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2013 TO ME AND TO ALL OF YOU, BE BLESSED ABUNDANTLY. 

         





About Hope and Friendship

26 03 2010

It is in moments of difficulty that we need hope and friendship the most. These are hard times and many are losing hope when little by little they see what they work so hard for is threaten to be lost forever. Most of all there is little chance that if they lost their job that they will be able to regain a position at the same level. But it is not always that way, some somehow maintain themselves long enough to survive the hard times and mostly it is because when they are really low they still have their friends who care enough for them to give them hope and to help anyway they can. Prayer is powerful and a constant flow of it no matter from who it comes from also help sustain those who are losing hope and can’t pray anymore.

I am a true believer of intercessory prayer through the saints and one who never fails me in times of desperate need is St. Jude. It was through his prayers that one person was saved from despair and possibly suicide in a time of need. I would be forever thankful to him that after 12 days my request was granted in a big way. So hang on to hope and if you can please, hang on to friendship because your friends will go the extra mile when you can’t.





Brand New

29 12 2009

The end of the year approaches and with it the thoughts, purpose and desires to make it better than the last. New year resolutions are ancient traditions we have tried to practice year after year. I say try because sometimes we fail to accomplish everything we set out to do. I think is has to do with looking at our circumstances realistically and not measuring our commitments accurately, it happen to me many times.

I believe all of us have changed tremendously in the past few years, our hard economic situations has brought us back to the basics and many are starting all over again. We have learned what is truly important and dispose of what is not. We are concentrating our energy in learning more about ourselves and what we are really supposed to do in life. We are finding new meaning and value in the gifts God has given us and are utilizing them for our benefit. We are more aware of our surroundings and what is going on in this world in order to find the flow we should go this time around and survive.

This year my whole life changed and I’ve been on a completely new terrain that God set before me. For a while I did not know in which capacity I would be able to contribute in the regular work force; all I knew what to do was to raise a family, teach my kids, write and work from home. I had no worries. When the storm came all of that changed in a flash and it was obvious my life would never be the same even if I wanted to. Change is the word of the present moment and one I am trying to get accustomed to since I have been so used to stability. I have to admit it is scary at times but as the time goes by I realize it is a necessary evil in order to move forward. It is not easy to change outlooks and habits, it is painful at times. If I am learning something this year is to go more with my intuition, looking back I noticed how many times I ignored it and that is the reason why so many of my heartaches spring forth. I know I’m not the only one who does this, most of us think that those things are childish and that you only do it when you are young and have no responsibilities, at least I did. We should not change so dramatically when we decide to share our life with someone else, there is no need to recreate something that was real. There should always be a mutual respect and admiration for who we are and what we stand for and encourage the other to grow in all directions in order to accomplish a common goal with gladness.

In 2010 I know there will be a lot of stretching, fine tuning and adjusting, it already began. It will be a year to face fears, to take risks and chances, to embrace who I truly am and love it. It will be a chance to be innocent again without the thought that is childish. It will be a year to be true to myself and not try to tone down who I am to please anyone. It will the year that if someone loves me will embrace me just the way I am, without being ashamed or threaten by it.

How do you think your 2010 would look like? What changes are you going to make?

I wish all of you a great 2010, one that shines beyond your imagination!!





What is and What Will Be

18 06 2009

It was a long time coming, a time of big changes and transformation. From the familiar to the unknown and to bringing out the best I have to offer. It is not at all what I envisioned and yet I somehow expected it. I am letting myself be guided instead of steering the way I want to go, to stay in the same place doing what is familiar is the easiest thing to do but not what I am meant to do at this moment. The time is now and the door is open, I will walk through it and leave behind the previous comforts that cost me so much. I was excited at the beginning and then I stopped for a while and though about how my life will change, how I would lose some of the comforts and freedom I have enjoyed for so long but it is time, and I feel deep in my soul it comes from above. I must trust that God knows what is best at this time and moments of my life and learn not to question his ways.

I used to be impulsive and quick to act even after huge mistakes but now I have learned to stop and try to analyze what went wrong and wait for a sign before I move in a certain direction. This time I don’t want to shut myself, to fear or mistrust anything or anyone who is around me. Those who lost my trust will have to gain it back and time will tell if that is possible. I will no refuge myself on anyone but God and I won’t blame me for someone else actions. Nothing happens isolated from those who are part of my life but I can’t blame me for something I did not make a decision on.

Circumstances have changed the terrain I now walk on, what was smooth is fragmented and rocky but I must continue my journey and the destiny that only God knows at this time. It has not been revealed to me yet but I walk in faith and know that it time it will be, and it will be good because it is not of a design from my own fashion. I am not putting any strings, I am not expecting anything. In time it will be revealed to me. I feel at peace on that thought as I pushed aside my own agenda, my plans and what I thought was the ideal situation.

What is and what will be; there is hope, there is always hope when I wait and trust in God’s plan. I will be patient and will accept what he has in stored for me.





A Message from Above

31 05 2009

I know how easy it could be to go through life without hearing God talk to us not even once, but then again it could be that we are not aware of it or even listening.

I have been crying out to God, to step in, to show up, to provide me with what I so desperately need right now, I don’t have it, he does and unless he pour it into me it will never be there.

Today is Pentecost Sunday, I dressed in red without even thinking about it and went to church. I carry with me a little book that helps me pray and meditate whenever the Spirit moves me, so I sat on the pew, knelt for a few minutes and then pulled out my little book. As I read I gasped for air; it was him, he was talking to me through the message I was reading. I felt his presence, his embrace, his pain for my pain and my eyes welled with tears, I could hardly see the words that were consoling me. My heart started pounding harder as I said, “oh God, oh God” and continued to try to hold back my tears. He is always there when I need him, no matter how long ago was the last time he revealed himself to me through whatever means he could use to touch me and let me know he was there, I am never alone. I ran to the restroom to get napkins since today for the first time I did not have my handkerchief, tears bathe my face. I don’t like to be dramatic, I wish I could just bury everything inside but all burst out like a volcano when I least expect it. I can’t hide my emotions. After that sweet embrace with God I felt calm come over me and then he provided me with even more with Bible scriptures and finally with the priest’s words. After the encounter my body felt weak and at times I was dizzy but nonetheless I was fed and strengthen to know he was there with me and that he no longer remained silent while I was looking for him so desperately.

I wish everyone has the chance to have the same experience, perhaps you have but if you haven’t be open and alert. Don’t expect to hear his voice but listen to the voices, music, sounds, words, anything that surrounds you. He uses so many things and people to let us know he is there and yet many don’t even know it. I wish I could explain this better for you but when you hear him you will know what I am talking about. Yield, be silent, pray, stop trying to have control and you will see what happens.

Today I can breathe a little bit more and it is because of him, because he is lifting some of the weight off my heart for a little bit. I hope that while I have this time that he also give me the wisdom to know what I should do next and gives me the courage to face what will be befall me. That is all I ask.

HAPPY PENTECOST DAY!!





Never Let Go

25 05 2009

I don’t believe in coincidences, there is so much heavenly assistance around, specially in times in trials. I am so out of tune sometimes but as the trials get harder so does my senses and intuition. I still don’t know exactly what to do, but The Guardian movie grabbed me and the the words “Never let go” echo in my mind. The storms come crashing in threatening all, at times it ceases and then it hits with fury once more. What stood firm in time began to grow weak and faced with giant waves it now seems to be at risk. Where is that fine line between letting and not letting go? Is it in our mind, heart or soul? Perhaps it is in all three.

I am trying really hard not to make and undo able mistake. I look for a point of reference and can’t find any, perhaps I am called to create it. What kind of message am I to give myself, my children, the world? Unrelenting love, values and the undeniable acceptance of human weakness. A tug of war of emotions, memories, hopes and dreams. It all slips away or does it? Never let go; of all that gives meaning and purpose in life, of the fundamental values that shape my existence, of what helps move from the ordinary to the extraordinary. “No gall, no glory.” Fr. Corapi says this a lot. We are on battle ground and only the strong will survive. A lot of times our body has nothing to do with that, our mind and heart does, that is from where all strength spring forth and they push us to go on. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2. The battle is on and as the time goes on I wonder how much longer it will be before it ceases and who will ultimately be the victor.