And I remain…

24 04 2016

Lady-giving-thanks

April 23, 2016, my birthday once more. Time to not only celebrate but to thank God for all lived and not lived. Every morning when I open my eyes the first thing on my mind, soul, my words are of gratitude.   Gratitude because I’m blessed with another day, another opportunity to continue on my path to what I am meant to do in this world, for however long that might be.

This past year was packed with new experiences, some not so good if you look at it from a worldly point of view, but in the realm of God’s infinite goodness it was a very valuable and enriched time to continue to grow inside and out. I learned that life is short and that it could change in a blink of an eye, that accidents are not accidents, there are allowed to push me forward in a more speedy way. That God always have my back, no matter who is or not is with me in this journey of life. I can count on him no matter what. I have not earned any of this, God’s love for me has no measures and no conditions.

I was blessed with a job who kept me close to him no matter the circumstances and even though at times my faith was tested, I remained close to him learning to overlook the faults of others who do not reflected him as I thought they should. But who am I to judge anyone? I am so imperfect and perfect at the same time. When I rely on him, my shallow being becomes all he wants me to be since the moment he thought of my existence. I become strong on him when I lean on him on my weakest moments. I become wise when I don’t trust myself and others and run to him for spiritual guidance. His peace within me tells me that I am on the right path, and that whatever comes my way he will be with me if I step aside and let him do his thing.

Living by faith and letting myself be guided, almost continuously, have enriched my life. At times is like walking into a dark cave, as my feet touch the ground and I extend out my arms to let my senses guide me where and how to move ahead. It is turning on an extrasensory radar in order to navigate my body, mind and soul into the depths of the unknown. Life is so amazingly challenging sometimes, but I’ve found that resistance makes it unbearable to the point of brokenness. When I feel my life bending in ways I don’t expect and it begins to hurt, I try my best to let go because if I try to hold on tight to whatever it is, it could snap. I had couple of moments this year in which I tried hard to hold on, and at that moment it snapped. It wasn’t meant to be, it wasn’t meant to remain. The hurt was like a knife cutting the most precious part of my body and soul…. my heart. Change and transformation entails a lot of pain and frustration sometimes. But trusting that God helps me navigate in whichever way I choose to, while keeping a close eye on me just in case I need assistance, is comforting. It is like a mother letting her child step away from her into the world, letting him experience life and this world as it is but at the same time looking from afar ready to rescue him or guide him as soon as he turns to her.

On this birthday I want most of all to continue on my designated path, a path that in part I have chosen guided totally by God. It might not be the most easy path to travel on, believe me, I envisioned something else but by experience I’ve learned  to look for the markers God has placed for me so that I find my way. If I have learned something this year is that no matter what, everything that comes and goes into my life is allowed with a strong and meaningful purpose to enrich, transform or to fulfill my spiritual existence which is eternal. I’ve also learned to say “I love you” more often with no connotation of a romantic love but one of pure sentiment we should all have for all humanity, the animals and this world. Love transcends the universe and it is that energy that creates and stimulates the growth of our understanding of WHAT IS. I can’t pretend to have the answers or of being right, it is not about rightness or what is good or bad, it is about the merging of something completely unknown and inexplicable at times and embracing its force in order to become it… So thank you Lord, for being that force that is within me and with me at all times. Because in the realm of what matters in this world and the short time I might spend here, it is about getting to know you and letting you teach me and guide my journey of what my life is all about. It is about letting others know the importance of the real essence of life and what it could be for each and everyone of us. No two existences are the same, and I want mine to leave a mark that says “SHE KNEW HOW TO LOVE” because the meaning of what LOVE is has intrigued me ever since I read the meaning of it in the Bible when I was only seven years old. I bask on those words in awe and wonder and until this day I continue to learn the million ways it could be present in my life.

And here I am… and I remain… for a moment, for a day, another year, for all eternity in this infinite presence of the divine.





Life used to be simple

21 12 2014

Only ten more days and 2014 will be a thing of the past. What have I lived and learned during this past year? I don’t know about you but I am still learning. As a matter of fact I began learning about my life as it started to collapse as I knew it for so long. Still puzzled by its complexity and ever changing form, very unpredictable and sometimes unfair, or is it? I learned that at times I am called to live hardships, injustice, be stripped of everything to be completely bare in order to be completely transformed. I feel like clay under the potter’s hands, completely undone and being reshaped into something new.

I thought that once a certain situation was completely over something magically would change my life, it has in so many ways but I still wait for the ultimate change that will bring me joy and love. Perhaps there is still more to learn before I get there. It is very early in the morning and I’ve been awake for over an hour now even though I went to bed late. My heart is longing and my mind is racing. These words needed to find a way out. In reality I don’t know what to expect on 2015, I’m not sure if I should even go there. I am here now and there is still ten more days in the calendar but all I have is now. What do I do with this moment, how do I move forward and make the best of it, how do I welcome the wonderful blessings that awaits me this day? I need to voice my heart feelings and longings, my acceptance that I am still willing to love and be loved. Life was so simple.

Life was simple when I had not lived enough to know that life could change in a blink of an eye. That what you perceived as real wasn’t at all, and that your heart could be shattered into a million pieces but somehow be made whole again. There are beautiful moments lived and many more to come I’m sure. If I have learned something is not to lose hope because it is in my darkest moments that I am about to face the sunrise in my life. It is in the moment that I feel I can’t, that God is going to take over for me and get it done. Every tear of doubt and loneliness that rolls over my face now is pain leaving my heart to give way to joy and peace.

I am so thankful for all I have lived this year, for at last seeing the chains coming off of me and to look at myself in the mirror and say it’s done and I am stronger for it. Most of the battle is done but like an earthquake that hits suddenly, once it stops sometimes later comes the aftershocks. Life used to be simple or was it? Maybe it was the way I viewed it, the uncomplicated matters I needed to deal with then and as the time went on I took more and more not paying attention to the effects.

This Christmas I will welcome Jesus into my heart, he who came hell and high water sustained me during the battle and I’m sure has even more wonderful things in store for me. Then I will welcome the New Year with hopes and dreams without measure because I am a child of God and there are many great things he has planned for me. He knows my deepest longing and I’ve prayed for so long. All my tears will be wiped away. But on my here and now I open my heart and receive his blessings, his manifestations of love into my life and I pray for wisdom to always do the right things but never forgetting that when I fall he is always right there reaching out his hands and I just saw his hand right now, handing me another one to join mine.

touch





Under a potter’s hands

9 08 2014

Faith is to believe in that which I cannot see. It is an abandonment of all I usually need to move forward; to know, see, prove, and explain. Trusting that I am blindly walking on a path constructed by the one who loves me the most, God, but I don’t necessarily know where is taking me. The emotions run on high sometimes because I want to know every single detail of my earthly journey and when I don’t I become anxious about the unknown. Having faith doesn’t mean I stay idle waiting for something; I must make the effort to move along somehow being hopeful and aware of what will unfold before me as I do, and then trust each step will take me closer to my goal.

Something strong could be chattered into dust and be rebuilt into something even stronger, different but stronger. When it doesn’t fill a good purpose anymore it is time to transform it, which is the beauty of starting anew. There is always hope for those who trust God and let themselves be molded like clay under a potter’s hand. There is power in letting go; because we are empty in order to be filled again with God’s grace, power and wisdom. I must not be blinded by what I see, but with what lies within a heart.





High powered emotions

13 01 2013

I guess in every transition in life, emotions play a big part. Changes challenges us to dig deep within and by moving us forward into unknown terrain many times brings about high powered emotions.

In my personal experience I am learning that pretending that everything is alright, even if it is to maintain the balance of family life, is wrong.  The balance you believe you maintained in order to provide a proper well being state become altered when reality hits all those involved. I know we do all this with the best intentions for our loved ones, specially our children but in the long run it could backfire. I don’t know how to justify a good relationship or to offer any hope that such thing exists or its possibility because even though I thought I had one, the reality is I never did. It is important that we learn how to identify  good and bad relationships in order to step or walk away from them along our life. Everyone needs to be treated with respect and be appreciated just the way they are. A relationship is the embracing of another human being in their own essence, to be enjoyed, cherished and to help it continue to grow and expand as it journey through life to complete its earthly mission. Any sign of resistance, put down, forced changed should be stopped in order to protect the essence of who that person is and what makes her feel happy and realized. 

I am slowly learning to not pay much attention to what others perceived of me by just looking at the external. As long as my conscience and my essence is not forced to be altered in order to please someone else, I move forward with my head high no matter what their thoughts and opinions are. In the end what is real is what is revealed and I have nothing to be afraid of. 

Life is a long journey towards our self and then toward the world around us, you can’t have just one. Our purpose is to shine in our own light and to share that light with those in tune to this purpose to move along making a big impact on others. Lately I have been able to get in contact with many people who are committed to move along those lines, and lend a helping hand to all those they encounter in order to live a good life. It took being REAL to be able to attract those people into my life and my circle of good friends. It took seeing the value I have as a human being instead of someone with a lot of shortcomings according to someone else perceptions. I am not perfect and have failed many times like everyone has,  but I have good values and I stand by truth. I would admit to my faults and learn from my mistakes. Most of all i know that the way I act towards others reflect the person that I am within. I still have a long way to go but at least right now I know that even though I have to go through some high powered emotions along the way it is okay to do so, because that means that I am in touch with my frail humanity which is made strong when I open my heart to my creator. He is guiding me to the path I must walk on and even though at times the terrain is rocky and I might fall, he is always there to help me up and to heal my wounds.   

 





Sunset

7 01 2013

 Image

 

Lately I am really enjoying watching sunsets, at this time of the year they are breathtaking. I sit close to the water and as the waves kiss the sand every so often I begin to feel the slight warmth the sun radiates as it goes down. It’s the anticipation, the dimming of light around me awakes all my senses within. I don’t want to talk, all I want is to listen to the sounds around me and enjoy the hues of colors transform the sky before me. It’s magical. 

I wonder what moves you, what is it that makes you stop and listen to the core of your being? Staying connected to ourselves is so important, do you realize how much?





The last days of 2012

22 12 2012

Well here I am, in the last days of 2012. This year has been intense and had so many shades of all I have become during the recreation of my own life, I am not done yet. Deep inside I know I will never be done as I pick and choose those things and people that will be part of my life.

Life taught me:  

  • Nothing last forever and I need to appreciate each and every moment in my life like my last because I don’t know when that moment will be.
  • I learned that plans are good to have but I need to follow that internal guidance I possess connected to my creator in order to make all my final decisions. 
  • I get exactly what I give away to others, so I am careful not to go in the direction I wish not.
  • Words are worthless without action right behind it.
  •  When I feel uncomfortable it is because something is getting on the way or wants to alter my good intentions.
  • When something keeps presenting over and over again to me, it is because I must look into it and find its value. 
  • Not everything and everyone that comes into my life is of value, life is about sifting the good and the bad; learning from the bad and cherishing the good. 
  • Not everything that shines is gold. 
  • Sometimes I need to go in a whole new direction, with options I’ve never thought of and with skills I haven’t developed but that I can gain. The sky is the limit. 
  • It is important to be alert to what is happening around me, what is moving the world, the economy and people’s emotions and decisions. I need to be in tune with it in order to continue to grow and succeed.
  • Life is not static, it is continually evolving and  I need to do the same. It might feel good and comfortable to be in a routine but it sure gets stale with time… 
  • Imminent death awaits when something remains the same over a long period of time.
  • At some levels, some “deaths” needs to take place in our life in order to resurrect stronger and transformed.  
  • Forgiveness doesn’t mean I will let the person or the situation remain or re-surge in my life. I am very clear about what I deserve in my life.
  • I am strong not only because internally I have grown but because I have an army of souls in heaven and on earth right behind me. It is important to stay connected to God, your family and your friends in order to survive. 
  • Divide and conquer is the weapon of abusers. I will never let anyone divide me from anyone or anything I love and enjoy in my life. 
  • Money does not assure happiness. Love and respect from myself does. Then I can go on to love the world. 

I am sure these are not all the things I have learned but as these last days of 2012 roll by I will be reflecting some more. I am looking forward to the lessons I will learn on 2013, it is my lucky number and I am sure that it will be spectacular because what I learned on 2012 will give me that push I need to propel myself to heights I never imagined. I wish you do the same and don’t let anyone but yourself, select the shades of colors that will go on your Life Canvas.  





On My Hands

10 09 2011

In the realm of all that is and all that will be there is a undeniable reality that most of I want is already on my hands. I don’t believe that my inspirations and most sincere sentiments are there to be voided, silenced, controlled… In all of creation we are the only ones who have the power to think and act, to create and recreate our life. I am at that point, recreation. It is a time of reflection of deep longing and of uncertainty. It is my chance to have what I really want and to grow in all directions.

At this point I have certain goals and desires and the first steps are already in motion. But at the same time I am deeply connected to my intuition, I don’t want to ignore it this time. Sometimes in life we force our way through, we cling to things and people who are not good for us, we hang from ideas that have not worked for a very long time and we try to hold on when we should let go. That we make a commitment doesn’t mean that the other person has done the same thing, it hurts to come to that reality but it is best to open our eyes and move on. Our view of love and commitment is not the same but it should ultimately be to make each other happy. I am letting go, and in that let go I am also setting myself free, free to experience what life has to offer and to become what I must become.

In this new reality of wonderful things that God has for me, I am opening my hands in order to receive all that was supposed to be mine long ago and that somehow I did not realize. In life sometimes we give up, let go, hold on, try to capture things and people who were not meant for us. I believe that is why they get out of our hands, it is a sign that what we thought it was, isn’t. There is no reason on earth, even our love for them, to make them stay. I don’t believe in threats, conditions, trials and promises. I believe in love, honesty, self-giving and action. The day I have to sit down with someone to ask them to show or prove to me their sincerity, loyalty, friendship, or love for me is the day that I know for sure none of it exists. All of that and more is demonstrated to us in our daily interactions and should not be imposed or demanded from anyone because it should flow freely from their heart and soul.

Nothing gives makes me happier than to have on my hands; my future, my dreams, and my hopes. It is a treasure but this time I won’t give it away, I will share it. My heart is opened to the great possibilities a new life entails and I know it will be great. What else could I ask for?