Embracing the unknown

Life is a constant embrace of the unknown, I  can plan events and trace my path towards goals and desires but in the end I never know what will come. Recreating a life takes a lot of imagination, soul search and determination. I never knew how uncomfortable the unknown would be for me; shortly after regaining my freedom it seemed exciting, fresh… Now is becoming more of a surprise and uncertainty. I never know if I am doing the right things as I bump into areas I’ve not explored for a long time. I am digging deep within to get to know all the details that are important to remain in my life, and the one that must go. I wish I had more time to meditate but I am so busy doing a million things in order to move forward in different areas of my life that it doesn’t seem urgent, when it truly is.

One of my deepest desires is to know and do God’s will in my life, I don’t seem to know yet. I know that when I find peace within I am stepping into the right direction. At times I feel like abandoning all my dreams related to love but I then find myself deeply sad and nostalgic. If that is the route I should take, I definitely need to be at peace with it and feel happiness, but I’m not. So I guess it is not be yet.

One thing I realized yesterday is that the circumstances I am facing today are not the same I faced almost 30 years ago in reference to a relationship. There are more dynamics involved since I will have to deal with multiple past relationships from potential partners, something I don’t know how to handle and to be honest would not like to deal with. It is a reality and even though I am content with what is happening in the rest of my life, there is a little empty space within I can’t seem to fill with anything.

How do you deal with the unknown? How do you feel dealing with your partner’s past relationships and make it work for the two of you? What would the advantages be to remain single?

Waves of Emotions

It’s not easy to take time to reflect upon those things that are changing our life, the incertitude that lies beyond the ideas we had about our life. The people we love and that no longer are or no longer love us and the pain it causes. It is hard to come face to face to what lies within our heart to embrace what we can’t change and the feelings we must put aside for a while when we want to deal with the situation at hand. It is a matter of moving on the deep waters of our despair in order not to sink in sorrow. Emotions run through our mind and body affecting everything we do and what we will become. Seeing how our hopes and dreams quickly drown deep below the surface, buried under our survival’s pressure. It goes beyond our strength many times but a much needed exercise in patience and humility.

I move around the house, I read a book, I pray, I meditate and nothing helps me. I walk out to the beach and once on the shore I take off my sandals, sink my feet in the sand and sit right under a palm tree. The waves crash against the shore, the rocks are bathed with each one of them, sometimes barely making it over the top and others overflowing all the way to the other side. Just like my emotions at this moment, they come in waves at unpredictable times and speed and sometimes I feel they are too much for me to handle, overflowing out of my heart and erupting through my eyes, releasing some of the pain lodged deep inside.

Many words come to mind, words I wish I could speak to claim some dignity out of the situation but when the moment comes I remain silent. I don’t want to lose, I don’t want to hurt, I don’t want to cry and yet, I experience it all.

Is it possible to not be completely destroyed by emotion? Could we put aside the wounds and forget about the pain? Can we truly try one more time after being disappointed so many times? It takes courage, courage to be open to worthwhile feelings and experiences in life in order not to die inside. To die while being alive is one of the worst punishments we can choose for ourselves. Buried deep beneath the surface of our soul, crushed and silenced prisoner of sorrow. Is it a life sentence, reigning in the land of perpetual sadness? It is a quenching of all heart’s hope, the one who once was full of love, and that now has been forgotten. I speak about what human nature many times experience throughout life, changing and transforming the pure and sublime creature who believed that anything was possible when in reality few things are. I guess the key is not to look so much at what isn’t possible but to look at what is possible instead, and to fight for it to the end.

Learning to Accept Reality

We tend to hope and dream to reach for what make us enthusiastic about life again. There is a fine line between reaching out for what we think we want in our life and fighting with our heart to make it happen. Not everything we want is meant to be. There comes a time when we need to accept the reality that we have to let the dream go, is not easy, especially when you have put some much time and dedication into it.

In dealing with people if you don’t find the other person receptive to what you want to accomplish, in time you will have to let it go and move on. The only person you can control is yourself. I know well how we can contemplate what evolves right in front of us which let us know it is not going to work out and yet we keep justifying everything in order to continue on. Other times we think that it will change but the reality is that just like the mule decides that is not moving anymore so it is sometimes with our situations, we are stuck and that’s just the way it is; unless we dismount and decide to walk or get on another animal we are not going anywhere.

I’m not advocating to give up too quick and easily because there are times when we need to work around a situation in order to make it work but there are times when you know deep inside it is over.

Challenges, failures, fears and disappointments inevitably change and mold us in ways we sometimes wish it didn’t, but in the long run we can utilize the lessons learned to make it work the next time around. In business we learn what doesn’t work and that help us to be more creative in our approach, delivery and execution of our ideas. We need to be intune to our inner wisdom, our intuition, that innate connection we have with the Divine (God), it takes time to develop and dedication to keep it fluid within us but it is what ultimately will guide us in the right direction.

One thing I need to learn personally is to take with me all the positive I received from a situation even if it didn’t work out. There is always something good. Instead of focusing on the negative I need to keep looking at the little nuggets of wisdom I managed to dig out in the journey. Then I need to learn to push the negative far away from my mind and heart, holding on to it will only spoil the next situation I will need to deal with in my life. Trust me, this last one is easier said than done.

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Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity, Richness of Life

Not Knowing What to Do

The most difficult thing about dealing with unfamiliar terrain is not knowing what to do. In life we come up to different stages where we need to adjust and change our usual course; health, work, age, financial set backs all have an effect in our daily making decision process. It is not easy to go from the familiar to the unknown.

Anticipation to me is the worst of the emotions in situations when our life is about to change in some respect. A thousand different scenarios runs through our minds and we feel weakened by it. When the moment arrives is not as dramatic as we thought it might be, and at the same time we aren’t as weak as we thought either. We can withstand the blows that life throws at us and even if we fall we can always get up. But it is that moment of indecision that wears us down to the point of exhaustation.

Living without a Map

When was the last time you planned anything in your life?

Aside from where to go on the weekend or on vacation, when did you take note of where is your life headed?

By experience I can tell you that when we are in our teens about to finish high school is one of the moments when we start thinking about what are we going to do with our life. After that we enter college or the work force and continue from there. Then some of us decide to get married and start our family and before we know our whole life rolls at the speed of light without even knowing it. For many years we concentrate on raising and nurturing our family many times forgetting about ourselves. Then all the sudden our life’s momentum changes. Sometimes different circumstances changes the rythm of our life; kids leave for college, sickness, divorce, death, loss of work or financial crisis. Any or all of this can force us to stop and look at our life and where we are headed. We find ourselves at a crossroad and we need to decide which way to go. We need a map, but a map where?

Life is not static and as we walk along the path it is important to know that there will be different stages and needs we need to meet along the way. In my book, Simplicity,Richness of Life I speak on this very theme from a spiritual point of view, but here I decided to explore it from a practical one. In an ideal situation we know where and how to get to our destination but in reality many times we don’t. The reason why we don’t know is because we haven’t given it much thought.

Let’s contemplate our life for a moment. Are we where we expected to be 5, 10, 15 years ago? Are we on the path we should be in order to achieve our goals and dreams? Do we have any goals or dreams? Should we stop and begin to trace a complete new route or map?

One of the beautiful things in life is that we can start over again, we can learn from our mistakes, and we can create new dreams. As long as we are willing to grow and change in order to adapt ourselves to our present circumstances we have a good chance to take advantage of what is offered to us. Inflexibility only will “break us” at the end.

Are you living without a map or are you exploring a new route? Do you feel you are moving along the right path?

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Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity, Richness of Life

A Sure Way to Grow

“Our trials, our sorrows, and our grieves develop us.” –Orison Sweet Marden

I remember a time when I wanted to be older, I envisioned it to be my ticket to freedom in order to do what I wanted to do, finally! How ironic, as time went by I realized that freedom is not to be able to do what I want to do but what I ought to do. Sometimes we ignore what we need to do in order to fulfill our earthly mission but we are soon reminded in the most uncomfortable ways; trials, sorrows, grief, sickness, etc. Unless we are shaken we would never stop to look deep within in order to find answers to our challenges. Most of us like to enjoy life without having to deal with pain and sorrow but it is in that pain and sorrow that our true self is revealed maybe for the first time even to us. In most cases is not a pretty picture, it is our being torned by past experiences, wounded, weak, sensitive to the most minimal criticism from those around us. It is not who we want to be or who we are at the moment but somehow others can’t forget our past.

As we enter dark moments in our life we are forced to be guided by others things other than our regular vision. Our emotions, our instincts, our faith and our soul needs to come into play in order to find a way out of our immediate misery. Accustomed to live on the flesh disregarding the soul will make this experience difficult. Trying to get away from the dark quick will also produce painful sensations since our whole being is calling us to experience and change at a certain level before we step away from it transformed. Like I mentioned before changes are not easy to make specially when we are uncertained of the outcome, that’s where faith comes in. Trusting that our trial has a reason for being and a purpose for our life and well being.

Truth has a way to make itself known. Inner peace is only achieved through a balance within, it is the satisfaction to know that our intention and our purpose is fully aligned to our individual persona. We can’t live our life under someone’s goals, values and intentions. Personal growth is an individual process calling us to put everything and everyone aside in order to be true to our self and our destiny. Failing to become individuals we slowly extinguished the very light we are called to let shine for the world to see. If we cover it, nobody will know it existed. One of the most painful experiences is to know that we are unknown to those around us, they are quick to see our faults and not our virtues. Another painful experience is to have hidden our individuality so well from those around us -in order not to disturb their life- than when it finally emerges it is rejected and their love and support is withdrawn from us.

I wonder what life would be if we decide to stay forever in our dark night just to keep the peace of those around us while the war continues inside of us. I don’t believe is possible to deny what it clamors for; transformation. To negate to go beyond what we know for sure is only denying the great possibilities God has in store for us.

Powerful Emotions

How many times in your life how you felt powerless over an emotion? Emotions stir us in many different directions, there are positive as well as negative emotions. The ones I want to explore here are the ones that keep us from moving forward, the ones that paralizes and make us hurt inside.

Fear is the most common emotion, creates a disturbance in the balance of our life, it causes pain and sometimes powerlesness. When we are faced with the unknown the most logical reaction is fear, stepping out in faith trusting our instincts is not easy to do. Sometimes our actions are linked to people around us and the fact that there is a possibility that we might make the wrong decision paralizes us. At times we will have someone waiting for us to make a decision on what our next step will be putting even more pressure on us. I personally don’t like to make sudden decisions because I know by experience that they are not the best ones to make since by not having enough time to think things through a wrong decision is very easy to make. Then I will have to live with the consequences for many years to come. I guess the best thing to do is look at the present circumstance under a truthful light with the help of a friend or therapist and see if there is a possibility to make it better. But it all ultimately depends on the willingness of our heart to get involved in the process which can be lengthy and painful.

There is no easy way to embark into the unknown and yet we sometimes are forced to do it. It is like wanting to learn to swim, we are scared to death to sink but if we don’t let go of the ledge and start our struggle we will never learn how to do it. After much trial and error and only when we relax as we go into the water is when we manage to stay afloat and then we can begin to enjoy the freedom to go into much deeper waters without the fear of drowning in the process. I guess it is the same in life, the more we fight a situation to be different the worst it is to keep it under our control. If you get too tense while in the water you’ll sink like a rock to the bottom. In order to enjoy the waves you first need to dive in and one by one face the waves that come your way until you find the one with the right rythm to carry you for a short while. Nothing is perfect and learning to wait for the right time is crucial for many of our life’s decisions.

Fear springs from the notion that what we want or need to do at any given moment might not be understood or accepted by those who are important in our life. At the same time it might be something that its crucial for our mental and emotional well being. Ignoring the fact that some things need to change in our life will not make our life better, only easier for those around us because we won’t inconvenience their comfort. In time that comfort will not exist because we are part of the equation and when we are not satisfied with our life neither will they.

So how do we get rid of fears? By facing them at the right moment. By trusting that our innate instincts are calling us to move on to a different level and to hope that we ultimately cross over to the unknown dressed with power and self respect for who we are as individuals fulfilling our personal calling in life.

The Way We Love Them

To be the parent of a teenage son with a girlfriend is not an easy task. Loving and protecting becomes a mighty quest. Communication doesn’t seem to get through and you are constantly afraid it will too late before he realizes the consequences of his actions. Moms and dads have different tasks in the situation (love and toughness) in order to create a balance. Our experience handling situations like these are limited to our own experiences which are not necessarily situations present today. How to reconcile our wave of thoughts to theirs is not easy, putting ourselves in their place many times inconcievable.

I don’t accept this new way of young relationships, they tend to be way too intense for their age. In the past there was more respect for authority and more control over the time spent together. These days kids want to almost live together once they start dating. I’ve heard of boyfriends controlling girlfriends in ways that can become abusive in the future, parents must warn young people of these signs early on. The sad reality is that they don’t listen most of the time after they are emotionally involved.

How do I show my love for them? By caring, by talking, by paying close attention to what they do with their time together, by punishing if necessary, by taking away privileges, by creating boundaries.

Naked Relationships

Relationships are delicate and important for every human being. It is the way in which we connect, grow and are nurtured. We need human contact because without it we die slowly. Isolation is good for brief periods in order to go within and get to not only know ourselves but to ultimately connect to our creator. Before we can give ourselves to someone else in a relationship we must possess who we truly are. I wish I could tell you about what age this happens but it’s different for everyone. I guess it’s a personal realization that we have been fooled to believe that a state in life (single, married or in a relationship) will somehow makes us feel better about who we are and where we are going on our life journey. The truth of the matter is that we need to have a “naked relationship” with ourselves first before we can have one with anyone else. What do I mean by naked? Naked to me is bare of all the usual obstacles we put before those we interact and share our life with. No masks, no pretentions, no smoked mirrors so the other person can see who we are and freely decide to interact with us. Some of us feel scared to do something like that, it’s like going to battle without your weapons and your armor, risky. Many of us have been hurt one too many times to dare walk into a relationship without a cautious mind set, but it is that mind set that will cause us to go into another bad relationship. With every bad experience we choose one more weapon or protection to accompany us in our journey. Each attack leaves a wound, a scar, a fear. Our once soft heart becomes hard and cold even though deep inside it is as tender as it could be. Unless we find a way to peel the layers built up on it and begin again we will never be totally happy.

The beauty of a good relationship is that our soul somehow is free to merge with another without losing its individuality. It’s not to get lost in someone but to share yourself with the one you love. Before that can happen you need to be opened to the spiritual realm. I don’t believe this is something we do consciensely; we can’t decide who and how are we going to connect in our life, it just happens. We come across some incredible people in our life but unfortunately we are not going to be able to create a connection with them no matter how hard we try. I’m not sure what it is but then somehow we are able to connect to others and communicate with ease; our guard is down, our heart opened and our spirit free. I’m not sure if our disposition somehow facilitates these relationships but I believe it’s the ideal to build upon. Sometimes it takes a long time to get to this frame of mind or spiritual enlightment but I strongly suggest that you don’t get into a permanent relationship until you get it.

Science Advance’s Misery

I disconnected from the internet yesterday, after spending four hours in front of a blank screen and not knowing what to write I walked away and tried to recharge myself. I took a walk, took some pictures, wrote on a brand new notebook and read some books. When the Dr. Phil show came on I sat and watch, the topic “Desperate to be a Mom”. I’ve seen a lot of this lately, situations in which people find themselves on the edge of desperation, but why? I believe that to a point science has done more harm than good. Science is making people believe they can have control of everything that could go wrong in their life. I’m thankful for science when it is able to restore health and technology when it can help improve our quality of living, but to rely on science to make one of the most natural functions in procreation is something I don’t believe in.

Ever since doctors managed to manipulate life to an extent, people are less accepting of God’s will in their life. Being a parent is one of the most rewarding gifts we receive from God, to be co-creators with him, but not something that should be taken for granted. I always wanted to be a mom but I wasn’t sure if I would be one. Today if someone wants to be a mom -even if they can’t- they believe that they can be one. Since this off-the-wall procedures are available women wait to marry in pursuit of their carreer, some of them even want to have babies on their own and go to whatever extent physical, emotional, and financially in order to make it happen. It breaks my heart to see so many men and women being sucked in with this craziness to control life and be miserable when they don’t succeed.

There is no logical explanation to spend a fortune on procedures that ultimately don’t guarantee a thing. Not only that but what about when it works and the couple is blessed with not one but 3-6 kids at one time? Their dream came true but at a huge price. Don’t get me wrong, I know how this is, I have two cousins because of IVF (In Vitro Fertilization) and I’m thankful they are here.

On the other hand I worry about what God really intended for us if we happen to go through that situation. Maybe we were meant to adopt a child or chosse a line a of work in which we could help kids in a big way or do volunteer or missionary work fromt time to time. By relying on science so heavily I’m afraid a lot of people don’t think about God like they should, and instead believe themselves as God or their doctors. Humane Vitae was prophetic on this regard; it spoke about all of this advances and the effects it would have in us in the future. The scientific advances are not advances at all when we try to play God on the contrary, it becomes a true misery to those who believe it is the only way out of an undeniable situation.