Life used to be simple

21 12 2014

Only ten more days and 2014 will be a thing of the past. What have I lived and learned during this past year? I don’t know about you but I am still learning. As a matter of fact I began learning about my life as it started to collapse as I knew it for so long. Still puzzled by its complexity and ever changing form, very unpredictable and sometimes unfair, or is it? I learned that at times I am called to live hardships, injustice, be stripped of everything to be completely bare in order to be completely transformed. I feel like clay under the potter’s hands, completely undone and being reshaped into something new.

I thought that once a certain situation was completely over something magically would change my life, it has in so many ways but I still wait for the ultimate change that will bring me joy and love. Perhaps there is still more to learn before I get there. It is very early in the morning and I’ve been awake for over an hour now even though I went to bed late. My heart is longing and my mind is racing. These words needed to find a way out. In reality I don’t know what to expect on 2015, I’m not sure if I should even go there. I am here now and there is still ten more days in the calendar but all I have is now. What do I do with this moment, how do I move forward and make the best of it, how do I welcome the wonderful blessings that awaits me this day? I need to voice my heart feelings and longings, my acceptance that I am still willing to love and be loved. Life was so simple.

Life was simple when I had not lived enough to know that life could change in a blink of an eye. That what you perceived as real wasn’t at all, and that your heart could be shattered into a million pieces but somehow be made whole again. There are beautiful moments lived and many more to come I’m sure. If I have learned something is not to lose hope because it is in my darkest moments that I am about to face the sunrise in my life. It is in the moment that I feel I can’t, that God is going to take over for me and get it done. Every tear of doubt and loneliness that rolls over my face now is pain leaving my heart to give way to joy and peace.

I am so thankful for all I have lived this year, for at last seeing the chains coming off of me and to look at myself in the mirror and say it’s done and I am stronger for it. Most of the battle is done but like an earthquake that hits suddenly, once it stops sometimes later comes the aftershocks. Life used to be simple or was it? Maybe it was the way I viewed it, the uncomplicated matters I needed to deal with then and as the time went on I took more and more not paying attention to the effects.

This Christmas I will welcome Jesus into my heart, he who came hell and high water sustained me during the battle and I’m sure has even more wonderful things in store for me. Then I will welcome the New Year with hopes and dreams without measure because I am a child of God and there are many great things he has planned for me. He knows my deepest longing and I’ve prayed for so long. All my tears will be wiped away. But on my here and now I open my heart and receive his blessings, his manifestations of love into my life and I pray for wisdom to always do the right things but never forgetting that when I fall he is always right there reaching out his hands and I just saw his hand right now, handing me another one to join mine.

touch





Under a potter’s hands

9 08 2014

Faith is to believe in that which I cannot see. It is an abandonment of all I usually need to move forward; to know, see, prove, and explain. Trusting that I am blindly walking on a path constructed by the one who loves me the most, God, but I don’t necessarily know where is taking me. The emotions run on high sometimes because I want to know every single detail of my earthly journey and when I don’t I become anxious about the unknown. Having faith doesn’t mean I stay idle waiting for something; I must make the effort to move along somehow being hopeful and aware of what will unfold before me as I do, and then trust each step will take me closer to my goal.

Something strong could be chattered into dust and be rebuilt into something even stronger, different but stronger. When it doesn’t fill a good purpose anymore it is time to transform it, which is the beauty of starting anew. There is always hope for those who trust God and let themselves be molded like clay under a potter’s hand. There is power in letting go; because we are empty in order to be filled again with God’s grace, power and wisdom. I must not be blinded by what I see, but with what lies within a heart.





High powered emotions

13 01 2013

I guess in every transition in life, emotions play a big part. Changes challenges us to dig deep within and by moving us forward into unknown terrain many times brings about high powered emotions.

In my personal experience I am learning that pretending that everything is alright, even if it is to maintain the balance of family life, is wrong.  The balance you believe you maintained in order to provide a proper well being state become altered when reality hits all those involved. I know we do all this with the best intentions for our loved ones, specially our children but in the long run it could backfire. I don’t know how to justify a good relationship or to offer any hope that such thing exists or its possibility because even though I thought I had one, the reality is I never did. It is important that we learn how to identify  good and bad relationships in order to step or walk away from them along our life. Everyone needs to be treated with respect and be appreciated just the way they are. A relationship is the embracing of another human being in their own essence, to be enjoyed, cherished and to help it continue to grow and expand as it journey through life to complete its earthly mission. Any sign of resistance, put down, forced changed should be stopped in order to protect the essence of who that person is and what makes her feel happy and realized. 

I am slowly learning to not pay much attention to what others perceived of me by just looking at the external. As long as my conscience and my essence is not forced to be altered in order to please someone else, I move forward with my head high no matter what their thoughts and opinions are. In the end what is real is what is revealed and I have nothing to be afraid of. 

Life is a long journey towards our self and then toward the world around us, you can’t have just one. Our purpose is to shine in our own light and to share that light with those in tune to this purpose to move along making a big impact on others. Lately I have been able to get in contact with many people who are committed to move along those lines, and lend a helping hand to all those they encounter in order to live a good life. It took being REAL to be able to attract those people into my life and my circle of good friends. It took seeing the value I have as a human being instead of someone with a lot of shortcomings according to someone else perceptions. I am not perfect and have failed many times like everyone has,  but I have good values and I stand by truth. I would admit to my faults and learn from my mistakes. Most of all i know that the way I act towards others reflect the person that I am within. I still have a long way to go but at least right now I know that even though I have to go through some high powered emotions along the way it is okay to do so, because that means that I am in touch with my frail humanity which is made strong when I open my heart to my creator. He is guiding me to the path I must walk on and even though at times the terrain is rocky and I might fall, he is always there to help me up and to heal my wounds.   

 





Never Again

12 10 2011

Usually I tried not to use the word “never” because in reality nobody knows what lies ahead. It is surprising to find ourselves doing or accepting something we said we would never do. But then again there are things we should make sure would never happen again. One of them is letting someone take control of our destiny, to not fight for what is our reason of being and our true essence. Those who do that to us are cowards, people who suck the life out of people in order for them to live. It is amazing to see how they come to life while they see you there half dead next to them. Love many times blind us to reality and the natural sacrifice we tend to do for our family direct our steps not realizing that we are walking towards a high cliff.

It is not our fault that some people can’t embrace who we are, but it is our fault to become someone we are not so they stay with us. It is a high price to pay and unfortunately many of us do just that in order not to be alone. We have to be real, honest and loving towards ourselves. We need to defend our being from being extinguished from this world. We need to stand up and say, no more!! If you don’t love me for who I am then you have no room in my life or my heart.





In my mind…

31 07 2011

I wish the trips I take in my mind in order to sort feelings and emotions, somehow take me to the shore, the shore of happiness and peace I long for. There is not a moment in my life I tend to remember only the good in order to overshadow the darkness that surrounds me. I know in time the sun will shine, laughter will be the norm and my dreams will come true. All I need is faith and time, like the flood that washes away the debris of all that doesn’t belong or is good in my life. It’s hard to swallow but I must, it’s just reality…

I am learning to articulate the words that will create my new life and prepare myself to see a miracle. It is something new and exciting that in time will provide me with a happiness beyond my wildest dreams. I see it, even though I still don’t see who will be beside me. All I know is what it will bring into my existence which I lack now.

What’s in your mind?





From the Ashes…

23 07 2011

Nothing could be more painful than to be consumed by fire and converted into ash. It is a good analogy for the trials and sorrows in life but also for the process in which many of us go through in order to be transformed into something new or give way to a new life. It is painful but not even a trace of what it was must remain in order to give way to something completely new. In the heat of the moment we don’t realize it but given past experiences it is the way it should be.

Gathering strength gets harder and harder as we try to hold on to fragments of what it was, it is not until we let go that our hands are empty to be filled again with our reward. It is a battle in which the warrior must shed the worthless weapon and quickly reach for one more suited for the fight at hand. He must be quick or risk the chance to be deadly wounded. Perhaps we wait too long in this process, I know, I’m guilty of that. I waited so long that sometimes I feel half alive and my strength is just not there anymore. I must lay in the fire until I am totally consumed and then when it is all done my ashes will be free to be blown by the wind. I will no longer be confined to one place in time but be free to fly wherever the wind leads me. I need to stop fighting this transition and let go of all I know, which now hurts me, and embrace the now and be opened to what the future will bring. It is not easy, but in time I know I will do just that and a better life will be before me.

From the ashes I will rise a brand new being and will never turn back trying to become what was, but I will embrace all the possibilities and take advantage of the opportunities of a brand new life.





Another Year

6 05 2011

My birthday came and went, I did not have the time or inspiration to write anything that week. Life is taking a turn for a lot of changes and unexpected events. I welcome the closeness is giving to the ones I love even though is along the lines of pain and suffering at times. Every moment of life is treasured.

This year was memorable, it taught me to remember that I exist, that what I do and care about matters and that dreams do come true. It takes hard work and constant dedication to build a business, it takes a clear vision of the end result but at the end (and I am not there yet) it will be worth all the effort. At times encountering challenges made me nervous but by now I’ve learned to trust my instinct. This will be big, I know, it’s just a matter of time.

Those who came to my life in more ways than one have contributed in a small way to all I want to welcome and accomplish in my life. It is hard to deal with insecure, controlling people. They are being shed from my life. I welcome those with open minds, great ideas and optimistic thoughts.

Each year a new chapter of my life unfolds, this one is majestic. I expect only the best, in time all things will flow. I know I live in the mind and heart of those who opened themselves to me this year, even though I might not be with them physically, and they will be in mine. To be in ones heart is more important to me than all the treasures of this world.

I am turning the page with no expectations, with open arms. Each day will be an adventure and I refuse to guard anyone’s actions. Life is too intense to try to live ours and control others according to our designs. It’s not worth my time and effort. The ones who choose to be beside me will enhance my life, will be with me because they want to, not because they have to. It is sad to get to that point, questioning every word and every move. I am a guard no more.

Another year, a new life, a new frame of mind. One that is true to me and the things I really need, one that doesn’t demand that I stop being myself and one that gives me the greatest gift of all: ME

Cheers!!!