Easy and Hard

31 03 2010

I have to admit that I am very mad at this moment and it takes all that is in me to stay come. It would be really easy to just react and speak my mind but where would that take me? I would probably be blown of by being hysterical or to try to pick a fight, I won’t go that route. Hard is to hold it in and to do what I think is best at this moment, be quiet. I am evaluating a lot of different variables, behaviors, and customs in order to know if I am on the right path. But what I really feel like right now is stepping out for a minute and scream.





About Hope and Friendship

26 03 2010

It is in moments of difficulty that we need hope and friendship the most. These are hard times and many are losing hope when little by little they see what they work so hard for is threaten to be lost forever. Most of all there is little chance that if they lost their job that they will be able to regain a position at the same level. But it is not always that way, some somehow maintain themselves long enough to survive the hard times and mostly it is because when they are really low they still have their friends who care enough for them to give them hope and to help anyway they can. Prayer is powerful and a constant flow of it no matter from who it comes from also help sustain those who are losing hope and can’t pray anymore.

I am a true believer of intercessory prayer through the saints and one who never fails me in times of desperate need is St. Jude. It was through his prayers that one person was saved from despair and possibly suicide in a time of need. I would be forever thankful to him that after 12 days my request was granted in a big way. So hang on to hope and if you can please, hang on to friendship because your friends will go the extra mile when you can’t.





Today’s State

11 03 2010

Today I feel anxious. Should I have told so much? Sometimes I wonder. I feel urged to share my experiences -good or bad- with my kids but then again I wonder if I shouldn’t. I am not perfect even though I wish I was, and maybe they thought I was. I don’t think is a good thing, I think they should know that I am human and that I have done some stupid things that taught me valuable lessons. Danger is everywhere and the magnitude seems bigger now than when I was their age. I just want them to be aware and not to think that it won’t happen to them because that might not be the case. Or should i wait until something happens? It is a hard call for a parent.

I hope that they don’t think or see me differently because of my confessions. I hope to drive them closer to me. Who knows, maybe that is why I am anxious right now, because I don’t know. I wish there was a manual for parents but it is such a complex process.





Personal Liberty

7 03 2010

“We are at liberty to be real or to be unreal, we may be true or false, the choice is ours. We man now wear a one mask now and now another and never if we so desire appear with our own true face. But we can not make these choices with impunity, causes have effects and if we lie to ourselves and to others then we can’t expect to find the truth and reality whenever we happen to want them.” – Thomas Merton

mask

When was the last time you had the courage to show everyone who you truly are?

When was it that you completely forgot about to conform to others expectations and concentrated on your own?

I know for myself that it was a very long time, and at times I question if it is possible to unveil the reality without fear. One thing I need to learn is that God made me in a certain way with talents, character, emotions, physical traits, and intellect and there is no excuse to bury it all nowhere to be seeing just to conform to or to preserve the peace. To a point it is a slow death because what is meant to be, grow and transform in and around us comes to a halt.

Trials serve as a way to prune ourselves and kick start our journey to where we are supposed to go to begin with. It is a wake-up call to start living instead of being complacent with our automated way of day to day living. It is shaking in our soul and awakening of our conscious awareness that something is not quite right. To me it is sometimes unforgivable that I have let this happen, but then again I am glad that I have the power to start all over.