What is and What Will Be

18 06 2009

It was a long time coming, a time of big changes and transformation. From the familiar to the unknown and to bringing out the best I have to offer. It is not at all what I envisioned and yet I somehow expected it. I am letting myself be guided instead of steering the way I want to go, to stay in the same place doing what is familiar is the easiest thing to do but not what I am meant to do at this moment. The time is now and the door is open, I will walk through it and leave behind the previous comforts that cost me so much. I was excited at the beginning and then I stopped for a while and though about how my life will change, how I would lose some of the comforts and freedom I have enjoyed for so long but it is time, and I feel deep in my soul it comes from above. I must trust that God knows what is best at this time and moments of my life and learn not to question his ways.

I used to be impulsive and quick to act even after huge mistakes but now I have learned to stop and try to analyze what went wrong and wait for a sign before I move in a certain direction. This time I don’t want to shut myself, to fear or mistrust anything or anyone who is around me. Those who lost my trust will have to gain it back and time will tell if that is possible. I will no refuge myself on anyone but God and I won’t blame me for someone else actions. Nothing happens isolated from those who are part of my life but I can’t blame me for something I did not make a decision on.

Circumstances have changed the terrain I now walk on, what was smooth is fragmented and rocky but I must continue my journey and the destiny that only God knows at this time. It has not been revealed to me yet but I walk in faith and know that it time it will be, and it will be good because it is not of a design from my own fashion. I am not putting any strings, I am not expecting anything. In time it will be revealed to me. I feel at peace on that thought as I pushed aside my own agenda, my plans and what I thought was the ideal situation.

What is and what will be; there is hope, there is always hope when I wait and trust in God’s plan. I will be patient and will accept what he has in stored for me.

A Message from Above

31 05 2009

I know how easy it could be to go through life without hearing God talk to us not even once, but then again it could be that we are not aware of it or even listening.

I have been crying out to God, to step in, to show up, to provide me with what I so desperately need right now, I don’t have it, he does and unless he pour it into me it will never be there.

Today is Pentecost Sunday, I dressed in red without even thinking about it and went to church. I carry with me a little book that helps me pray and meditate whenever the Spirit moves me, so I sat on the pew, knelt for a few minutes and then pulled out my little book. As I read I gasped for air; it was him, he was talking to me through the message I was reading. I felt his presence, his embrace, his pain for my pain and my eyes welled with tears, I could hardly see the words that were consoling me. My heart started pounding harder as I said, “oh God, oh God” and continued to try to hold back my tears. He is always there when I need him, no matter how long ago was the last time he revealed himself to me through whatever means he could use to touch me and let me know he was there, I am never alone. I ran to the restroom to get napkins since today for the first time I did not have my handkerchief, tears bathe my face. I don’t like to be dramatic, I wish I could just bury everything inside but all burst out like a volcano when I least expect it. I can’t hide my emotions. After that sweet embrace with God I felt calm come over me and then he provided me with even more with Bible scriptures and finally with the priest’s words. After the encounter my body felt weak and at times I was dizzy but nonetheless I was fed and strengthen to know he was there with me and that he no longer remained silent while I was looking for him so desperately.

I wish everyone has the chance to have the same experience, perhaps you have but if you haven’t be open and alert. Don’t expect to hear his voice but listen to the voices, music, sounds, words, anything that surrounds you. He uses so many things and people to let us know he is there and yet many don’t even know it. I wish I could explain this better for you but when you hear him you will know what I am talking about. Yield, be silent, pray, stop trying to have control and you will see what happens.

Today I can breathe a little bit more and it is because of him, because he is lifting some of the weight off my heart for a little bit. I hope that while I have this time that he also give me the wisdom to know what I should do next and gives me the courage to face what will be befall me. That is all I ask.


On a Mission

11 04 2009

Piracy US Ships USS Boxer, Picture by the Associated Press

Yesterday was the remembrance of the Lord’s Passion and Death, as I sat on the pew and listened to the account I couldn’t help it but to be moved to tears. As I went forward to venerate the cross I remembered that it was thanks to a cross that we were set free. Too many it seems madness but to God it is a blessing. Jesus accomplished his mission through suffering and sacrifice and that is how many times we also accomplish our own mission on earth.

Last night, as I scanned online for news on the hostage situation off Somalia I found out that the USS Boxer is on its way to help in the situation, that is the ship my son is in. I received his last message earlier yesterday. So we came together as a family to pray the Rosary for his safety and the safety of all involved so that it is resolved in a peaceful manner. The anguish makes me restless but at the same time there is a peace and consolation in my heart. I remembered the medals I gave to him before he left to California, blessed by our parish priest to protect him, which he has on the chain that holds his dog tags. I also remember how every Sunday our brothers and sisters at church assure us of his prayers for him. We are all together in this mission, whatever that might be for any of us in our different walks in life. This is our earthly mission as members of the militant church.

My life long learning of my faith comes to life one more time, now I pull out the “weapons” provided to us in order to help and intercede in this situation and I trust that joining forces with many others our actions and prayers will bear fruit. If you believe this I would humbly ask you to join me as well.

Tomorrow we will celebrating Jesus triumph over death on a cross and with it the certainty that we took can raise with him. We took can triumph over our present situations, our hardships, challenges, and trials. We are on a mission for ourselves and one another.

Wishing you and your families a blessed and happy Easter.

Let Me Hear From You

26 03 2009

Today I thought about you and what are you going through. Tell me about your day, your challenges, your worries. I share on this blog a lot of different topics and describe many situations for you to reflect upon, but today I want to hear it from you. Would you tell me?

When Faith, Politics and Opinions bring Divisions

28 01 2009

I hardly ever speak about politics or religion but there are times when we need to. Whenever I do I know why most people stay away from the topics and prefer to keep their opinions to themselves, it brings controversy and divisions. You can get good and bad comments and many times you receive many insults if they don’t understand or agree with your point of view.

I really don’t know where some people’s manners go when they try to express their point of view, even family members become aggressive. I am not by far a perfect person but I try my best not to hurt others people’s feelings or damage a relationship just because we happen to think differently. There is a civil way to talk and discuss different points of views without being hateful about it.

Blogging serves as an excellent platform to share and discuss with people around the world and I expect the people that come visit mine to be respectful, I try to do the same. For the most part, if I feel I can’t, I don’t leave my print behind for posterity.

What is your experience when you discuss these topics? Do you comfort or detour from them? How would you handle someone who might have a lot of education but very little tact or good manners?

Limitless Mentality

20 06 2008

mother angelica book

“Never put a lid on God. You can’t give God a thimble and ask for a quart. It won’t work. Your plans, your projects, your dreams have to always be bigger than you, so that God has room to operate.” – Mother Angelica from the book Little Book of Life Lessons and Everyday Spirituality.

Playing it safe, it is the most common mentality in order to navigate life without much discomfort. I really don’t know how or why some of us are so afraid to step out in faith. In the past people didn’t have much and in reality they had way more than we do now. They lived simply and work the land with their own hands, it was hard work and many times they gathered their food on a daily basis. There was no way to store food for a long period of time so they learned to get things as they needed, nothing more. Everyone in the family was expected to lend a helping hand and -unlike now- they did it without expecting to get paid for it, it was something they did because they were part of the family. They had to rely on faith and hard work trusting that they would have what they needed.

(Entrance to the Shrine of the Most Blessed Sacrament – built on Faith)

When it comes to God there are no limits on what He can do through us. I’ve seen it with my own eyes on the things He accomplished through Mother Angelica, and yet I’m afraid to step out in faith. “Pagan” she called a loan officer once for not lending her money based on faith. She had no assets and didn’t know what her income was going to be until the end of the month. We have been conditioned to work on “sure” ground, on security, on things we can see and touch.

The other day we had a customer worried about submitting a claim to her insurance company in order to do a repair in her house. Her fear was on the increase of her policy if she submitted the claim, now I just wondered, why in the world do we need to have insurance for everything if when the time to make a claim comes we are afraid to claim what we are entitled to? We spend millions of dollars over our lifetime to insure everything we possess and yet we are afraid to claim a portion of it back. What does insurance provides us? In this case absolutely nothing other than to make us part from our hard earn money in exchange for some “security.”

Having a limitless mentality is not stopping to think of what we can do, but on what God can do instead. We are a vessel and only when we allow to be used by Him are we able to do the great things He had in mind for us. They key to limitless is to tap to the source and open ourselves to the possibilities.

I really don’t know why am I writing on this topic today, all I know is that somehow those lines I quoted at the beginning jumped at me while reading the book this morning. I keep waiting to move forward in my life but at the moment I feel frozen in time, afraid of what might come next. I know I should have faith, the one I used to have years ago but that in many ways I’ve lost. I need to get it back; faith that things will get better, that nothing will last forever, that I can do anything through Him if only I tune in to His will in my life at this moment and that my dreams are His way of saying to go on, that there is so much more to be achieved and accomplished in my life.

Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity, Richness of Life

I Kissed the Crown of Thorns

22 03 2008


And then came the Veneration of the Cross on Good Friday, they brought over the big crucifix with Christ on it and the altar servers held it for the faithful to come forward. As I walked up I was thinking which part I would kiss and I remembered many years before in Puerto Rico looking for a statue of Christ wearing his crown of thorns. I wanted a really nice one but didn’t have much money so after walking all over Old San Juan from store to store I found one I could afford; one skilfully carved on wood.

I walked up and put my lips on the crown of thorns, so fitting to the way I’ve been feeling. Those thorns not only cut his forehead but went through his skull and touched his brain, how painful that must have been. And here I am and the whole congregation and I’m sure that a lot of us sitll contribute to that pain today. Many of us are going through some kind of physical, emotional or spiritual pain. I walked back to my pew and when kneeled I felt my heavy heart just to remember that He loves me no matter what and will continue to do so.

Tomorrow will be a happy day, we will remember the Resurrection and be reminded that right after a very painful moment there is always hope. In order to appreciate joy we must first experience sorrow.

Happy Easter my dear friends, may you feel JOY in your heart.

What The Holidays (Christmas) Mean to Me

8 12 2007

What The Holidays Mean to You

For you, the holidays are a very spiritual time. You have as much holiday fun as everyone else – but you never forget what you’re celebrating.

You celebrate the holidays in a minimalist style. You are likely to only give one great present and decorate your house with a few special items.

During the holidays, you feel happily busy. There’s so much do to and not a lot of time to do it. But you enjoy every minute of your holiday chores.

You think the holidays should be decadent and indulgent. You never mind gaining a few holiday pounds… it’s worth it!

Your best holiday memories are warm and intimate. You remember special moments more than gifts or parties.

Amanecer – Sunrise

25 04 2007


A new phase in my life and it all began on a sunrise as I flew high above the clouds on an airplane headed to Puerto Rico. It was a time of fear of the unknown. I had no idea what awaited me as I landed on the island and my mind raced in a million different directions. It all came down to trust and faith that God would carry me through whatever came my way. I was called and with that call I knew there were graces attached, that’s how he works. He reminded me through my family and friends of the reality of his hand and protection over me as I stepped out in faith to answer his call on my life. I needed to stop looking at myself trying to gain control on my own and see me instead as a channel for his graces to work through me. It is hard not to want to have the control and direct my own steps. I know I need to be like the blind trusting in the guidance of another.

It has been six weeks since that day and we are now in my own territory. We’ve began to navigate the path which hopefully help us beat the challenges we are facing. It has taken a lot of hours of research and the implementation of health principles in order to get everything back in balance. I believe it’s time for an evaluation to see if anything has changed.

One of the hardest things to accept is that I don’t know how long all of these is going to take. I’m so used to layout plans and deadlines for projects to be completed and now I find myself living on a day to day basis with a lot of pending projects on hold. I feel uncomfortable, insecured and powerless in the situation. I need to be reminded that it is when I’m weak that I’m strong in Jesus who is the one who comes in and do whatever it is need to be done through me if I let him.

Have you ever found yourself in a situation in which you need to yield to God in order to go on? What struggles have you experienced as part of such experience?

Personal Denial

9 03 2007

“Trials are nothing else but the forge that purifies the soul of all its imperfections.” St. M. Magdalene de Pazzi

During the Lenten season we are called to deny ourselves, to purify our soul and get closer to God. To see ourselves as we really are; weak, broken, imperfect.

Nobody like trials, we hear about people going through them and we thank God that we are doing fine. But when trials come your way there is no better thing to do but to embrace them. To run from it will only delay the resolution of the same.

Every trial that I have experienced served to forge a new dimension of my spiritual growth. God knows me better than anyone on earth and he knows what I need to get closer to him, but what amazes me is that he manages to bring good out of every bad situation in my life. I might not see it right away but with time and after the scales are lifted from my eyes I’m able to understand that the trial was only a vehicle to transform me and help move forward to do his will in my life and that of others.

Lately I’ve been preocuppied about me and my feelings, so the Lord put before me couple of trials I must endure in order to make me lift my eyes off me and onto others. I’ve been called to be strong and supportive. By giving I won’t worry too much about receiving, and by sacrificing I become stronger to endure pain and suffering. It is all there in front of me, there is no way to avoid it and I must prepare myself spiritually to endure it. I must take the necessary steps to be prepared to make wise decisions.

Right now I feel that I’m the unlikely candidate to handle the situation, but somehow I trust it will be God and not me doing so. I must step aside and let him work through me, it is only then that I’m able to do what he asks me to. If I dare try to do anything on my own I know I will fail, I must lean on him. Surrender, denial, renunciation three words that most people run away from and yet it is the essence to be strong, powerful, influential and transforming with God’s grace.

In 2 Corinthians 12:9-10 we read: And he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for My stregth is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ rest upon me. Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I’m weak, then I am strong.