Embracing the unknown

Life is a constant embrace of the unknown, I  can plan events and trace my path towards goals and desires but in the end I never know what will come. Recreating a life takes a lot of imagination, soul search and determination. I never knew how uncomfortable the unknown would be for me; shortly after regaining my freedom it seemed exciting, fresh… Now is becoming more of a surprise and uncertainty. I never know if I am doing the right things as I bump into areas I’ve not explored for a long time. I am digging deep within to get to know all the details that are important to remain in my life, and the one that must go. I wish I had more time to meditate but I am so busy doing a million things in order to move forward in different areas of my life that it doesn’t seem urgent, when it truly is.

One of my deepest desires is to know and do God’s will in my life, I don’t seem to know yet. I know that when I find peace within I am stepping into the right direction. At times I feel like abandoning all my dreams related to love but I then find myself deeply sad and nostalgic. If that is the route I should take, I definitely need to be at peace with it and feel happiness, but I’m not. So I guess it is not be yet.

One thing I realized yesterday is that the circumstances I am facing today are not the same I faced almost 30 years ago in reference to a relationship. There are more dynamics involved since I will have to deal with multiple past relationships from potential partners, something I don’t know how to handle and to be honest would not like to deal with. It is a reality and even though I am content with what is happening in the rest of my life, there is a little empty space within I can’t seem to fill with anything.

How do you deal with the unknown? How do you feel dealing with your partner’s past relationships and make it work for the two of you? What would the advantages be to remain single?

Never Again

Usually I tried not to use the word “never” because in reality nobody knows what lies ahead. It is surprising to find ourselves doing or accepting something we said we would never do. But then again there are things we should make sure would never happen again. One of them is letting someone take control of our destiny, to not fight for what is our reason of being and our true essence. Those who do that to us are cowards, people who suck the life out of people in order for them to live. It is amazing to see how they come to life while they see you there half dead next to them. Love many times blind us to reality and the natural sacrifice we tend to do for our family direct our steps not realizing that we are walking towards a high cliff.

It is not our fault that some people can’t embrace who we are, but it is our fault to become someone we are not so they stay with us. It is a high price to pay and unfortunately many of us do just that in order not to be alone. We have to be real, honest and loving towards ourselves. We need to defend our being from being extinguished from this world. We need to stand up and say, no more!! If you don’t love me for who I am then you have no room in my life or my heart.

The other side of the moon

The moon forever will be the reflector of my most intimate thoughts and messages that transcends space and time. Like the very first time I was asked to step outside and look at it and somehow communicate and receive subliminal thoughts… I still do that and know for a fact that it does transcends and that no matter where I am I can rely on it.

It’s brightness is fascinating to me and more so when it shines over the sea, it has inspired me to write, to sing, to cry, to laugh and to love. I believe nature has a powerful influence in our well being and it helps us balance a lot of emotions and helps us reflect better about life and our personal journey. It doesn’t matter if it is; the snow, the wind, the majestic mountains, the river stream, the ocean or the starry night… It all merges with our senses and soothes the mind and soul and a lot of times liberates the pressure or sadness in our hearts.

In time I know what is now will be different, but it will be better. For now rebuilding my life and molding my future is the task at hand, later on all things will fall in place. One day at a time, yes, one day at a time…

Pretty Incredible

I have to admit it, even if I don’t want to, but life is pretty incredible. Full of unexpected moments, amazing people and unforgettable moments. In a split of a second you can be living your now, your past or dream of your future. There are so many things that affect the way I think and feel and yet at the end I hold the bargaining chip. One thing I really don’t like is when I have no saying in whatever situation, when someone else steps in and kind of scattered whatever is going on at the moment and changes everything. I’m left with a sense of loss and frustration because of all of the sudden the moment is out of my hands, into eternity. Who knows what would have happened next, and all I can do is wait and see.

I was in the situation long time ago and my expectations were never achieved because someone came in between and altered the moment. I reproached that person a few times but I was told that if it was really meant to be it would have come around one more time. Maybe it was the truth, maybe it wasn’t. Some things in life only comes once. Now that I think about it I began to understand that it was at that moment that my romantic relationship formation began to be formed, very traumatically.

Life is a journey while love is the path, our understanding of love affects the way I travel along that journey I am supposed to move towards my ultimate goal. It is not the same when the path is unblocked and smooth than when is full of obstacles and challenges. One learn not to do and protect themselves along the way according to past experiences. The more negative the experiences, the person turns more enclosed. The more positive, the more open and relaxed.

I’ve been reminded of how liberating it could be to speak freely of what I feel, without given it a second thought, however we are conditioned to do exactly the opposite along our life. Our real self is not as well accepted by many and before we know it, we are hiding behind a well guarded mask because that is what the world is able to handle and see. Nobody wants to look at the reality of other individuals, it feels uncomfortable sometimes. Individuality is okay until you come into others “space” or want to share a life with them.

All in all I have to say how incredible it is to tap into certain areas of our life and be able to dig out new information, emotions, feelings. It is like renewing the soul, like giving it something it missed before and longed for and yet that did not need in order to survive. In time everything and everyone finds a way to go on, for better or worse. Sometimes even to repeat the same mistakes from past but others carefully guarding themselves not to.

What is your experience?

Being Present

Reading one of Paulo Coelho’s quote this morning I realized that it was during moments when I made big mistakes that I felt more present in this world.

“Jamás dejes que las dudas paralicen tus acciones. Toma siempre todas las decisiones que necesites tomar, incluso sin tener la seguridad o certeza de que estás decidiendo correctamente.”

“Never let doubt paralyze your actions. Always make the decisions you need to make, even when you are not sure or don’t know for certain that you are deciding correctly.”

I don’t know if it was the reality that I was human, that hitting a wall woke me up and let me feel deeply, even if that feeling was pain. Life is a mystery and making a decision that turns bad sometimes gets through us like a sharp knife cut and make us bleed. Now, I don’t want to sound like I enjoy these moments and that those are the only moments I feel present in this world, there are many other good experiences that makes me feel the same: to see the sunrise in the horizon while a cool breeze caress my skin, the singing bird on the tree, the sounds of the waves in the shore… What I am talking about here is about making a decision, whatever that is, in order to move on. Sometimes is a bad decision but we don’t know it, then afterward we need to be ready for whatever comes our way and try to make the best of it. There are nuggets of goodness that we can pull from every experience and there are joys and discoveries that challenges and trials offered. Nothing is wasted.

One thing I would like to do the most is to think about me, just me. I wish I could go to that place where my heart is, where my soul yearns to fly to and remain there in calm. At the time many things entangle me to break loose, but the time is coming to fly, high in the sky and breathe the cool air. To enjoy a magnificent view, to share dreams, to share words… Emotion, way to feel present in this world.

It has been a while but I need to drift, to disconnect from the physical realm and go within. In the quietness of my being I find refuge, inspiration, hope and dreams. It is the infinite within… I will do that today, I invite you to do the same. There is a better place, it is at our grasp. I will see you in the other side…

Easy and Hard

I have to admit that I am very mad at this moment and it takes all that is in me to stay come. It would be really easy to just react and speak my mind but where would that take me? I would probably be blown of by being hysterical or to try to pick a fight, I won’t go that route. Hard is to hold it in and to do what I think is best at this moment, be quiet. I am evaluating a lot of different variables, behaviors, and customs in order to know if I am on the right path. But what I really feel like right now is stepping out for a minute and scream.

Real Love

As the time goes by, more and more I realize how true love shapes and molds our existence. It is the ultimate goal; to find it, to feel it and to hold on to it. I believe all human nature comes short to love the way we should, even though we keep trying. It is a consolation to me that I am loved without measure by the one who came to teach us how is done. One day I hope to grasp the process of at least a third of what he feels for all of us and transmit that into my life. It is not an easy task, I can’t believe sometimes the way he show us this most amazing love. I am afraid I come so short of the ideal but I believe it is possible.

What is your concept of love? Do you have a model to follow? How have you done so far?

Reality

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them – that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
Lao Tzu

It seems simple, clear, understandable and yet we don’t get to this conclusion easily. We go around hoping, wishing, waiting for our reality to be what we want it to be, instead of embracing what it is and accepting that life and time changes everything.

What is your understanding of reality?

Motivated not Manipulated

Everyone has their dreams and desires, everyone wants something from their life and expect certain things from others when in reality all we are entitled to is NOTHING. Really, my life is a long list of expectations from myself, my family and friends. No more, I will not be manipulated into anything unless I feel I am ready to move forward and I won’t say anything that I don’t really mean to make someone happy.

It Takes Time

Have you ever wanted something in life and just couldn’t wait? Have you pushed the limits even though many obstacles stood on the way? Did you ignored your intuition and went along with what you had in mind? These are all valid and important things to consider when reaching for that next level in whatever it is you do and want.

My life has changed in ways I did not expect in the last five years, I knew deep inside a new path will present itself for me to walk on. It happens to all of us as we grow and continue to grow in knowledge and understanding of who we are, our purpose, and look to be happy in life. It has been a long road, one rocky at times, causing lots of hurt and happiness as well. I have cried and I have laughed like I haven’t in a very long time and I learned the true value of friendship.

I look to the future with optimism and hope and continue to be guided by my previously ignored instinct. There is hope when a glimpse of inspiration flourishes in a spare of the moment. When somehow one soul connects to another and they can identify or encourage another. When someone stumbles upon this blog and finds in it something of value to them. Is all worth the time and the wait involved as I progress along an unknown path.

It takes time to hone down what is of real value and to guard, protect and sometimes fight for it. The steps must be firm and unhurried for caution is the key to the ultimate success. It is about reaching conclusions that will move us forward even though at times we might have to take a step back to access alternatives. Most of all is about realizing that in life most of the time, worthwhile things takes time.

Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity Richness of Life
http://clarylopez.com