Embracing the unknown

12 07 2015

Life is a constant embrace of the unknown, I  can plan events and trace my path towards goals and desires but in the end I never know what will come. Recreating a life takes a lot of imagination, soul search and determination. I never knew how uncomfortable the unknown would be for me; shortly after regaining my freedom it seemed exciting, fresh… Now is becoming more of a surprise and uncertainty. I never know if I am doing the right things as I bump into areas I’ve not explored for a long time. I am digging deep within to get to know all the details that are important to remain in my life, and the one that must go. I wish I had more time to meditate but I am so busy doing a million things in order to move forward in different areas of my life that it doesn’t seem urgent, when it truly is.

One of my deepest desires is to know and do God’s will in my life, I don’t seem to know yet. I know that when I find peace within I am stepping into the right direction. At times I feel like abandoning all my dreams related to love but I then find myself deeply sad and nostalgic. If that is the route I should take, I definitely need to be at peace with it and feel happiness, but I’m not. So I guess it is not be yet.

One thing I realized yesterday is that the circumstances I am facing today are not the same I faced almost 30 years ago in reference to a relationship. There are more dynamics involved since I will have to deal with multiple past relationships from potential partners, something I don’t know how to handle and to be honest would not like to deal with. It is a reality and even though I am content with what is happening in the rest of my life, there is a little empty space within I can’t seem to fill with anything.

How do you deal with the unknown? How do you feel dealing with your partner’s past relationships and make it work for the two of you? What would the advantages be to remain single?





Partnership or dictatorship

8 03 2015

migdalia-arellano-tropical-resort-i

It could happen to anyone. We are raised with certain customs and assumptions when it comes to love and marriage. Love is something we all want in our life and at the same is so fleeting today. I believe that what we know about relationships has a big part on the kind of relationships we develop with each other.

I was young, naive and ill equipped to know what a good relationship looked like. I followed on the steps of an old society that had nothing to do with the current era and I assumed I was doing the right things. What I failed to realize, I came to understand almost three decades later when I faced my failed relationship. Life is a classroom, I learn by my mistakes, by the chances I take and by the experiences I gain. There is no wishful thinking at work here, life it is what it is, good or bad reality and as I deal with it.  But I also learned that life is also exactly the way I think about it. I can choose to see a glass half full or half empty.

Happy and successful relationship are to be partnerships not a dictatorship.  That was a lesson I had not learned before I began the most important relationship of my life, my marriage. I gave total control of my life to someone who did not have my best interest in mind but his own. I am still questioning a lot of things but unlike in the past, I don’t blame myself anymore. The problem with a dictatorship relationship is that you are constantly blamed for everything, the dictator never takes responsibility for the outcomes of his acts. I have come to an understanding that I surrendered my power to someone else voluntarily in order to maintain the peace I longed for my kids and me.  I paid a very high price for that peace and at the end everything fell apart anyway. I want to believe that there was good reason for it all and that is not too late to experience what a true partnership is all about. I am positive, happy, moving forward as I wait for that moment.

When someone expects everything  from you without “serving” you in return you are in a dictatorship. This is the way a lot of our grandparents lived decades ago. That was all I was familiar with, even though I saw a little serving from my dad to my mom when I was young. Now years later I saw my dad’s  total giving and serving to my mother while she was diagnosed with a Lymphoma was a true example of what a partnership in marriage is. She deserves his total dedication because she has done exactly the same for him.

In this day and age, being single again had put me face to face with a lot of selfish individuals. People who live behind thick “walls” to keep distance from one another. People who do not know how to “serve” without expecting anything in return and fearing they will be taken advantage of. Past experiences are part of their mentality but we can’t be boxed in the past, as long as we do, we’ll  missing on the great possibilities ahead. I know well how scary it could be to put yourself out there with the possibility to be hurt again, I’ve felt it. However, if I don’t, I would not be living. Being armed with my new learned knowledge from my success and failures will pave my future. I trust myself and my ability to create a great partnership next time around. It took a long time but the rewards will be measured to the way I continue to be true and faithful to whom I am and the immense value of my soul. Nobody can steal that from me and nobody will pressure me to give it randomly without any kind of personal evaluation of the person who might want to be part of my life. True loving partnerships are awesome and that is what I want for my life, I won’t settle for anything less and neither should you. My life had to be completely destroyed in order to rebuild it the right way, with God by my side guiding me every step of the way. He is showing me what real love is about and how it should be expressed. His love for me and his constant presence in my life is the measure I will use for my next relationship. I might have to wait a while but there is a lot to do in the meantime and I trust his time knowing that he knows exactly what I deserve to get in this life.





Love is in the air

11 02 2015

Valentine’s Day, candy, flowers, dinners, fun times together… or is it? On this Valentine’s day I look forward to enjoy a long weekend, no expectations. Life is too short to start looking for specific actions and reactions from those around me. Love is something I try to give to the ones I love on a daily basis, not just on Valentine’s Day. I wait for daily blessings, for time together, for the presence of those I care no matter the day or time. It is the smile, the twinkle in the eye when they see me and how silly and spontaneous we can be together that I enjoy the most.

So love is in the air everyday, know that others want to feel that love also more than just in Valentine’s Day and help it grow with your authentic self, with your smile, with your embrace, without demands or expectations. It just flows and grows when your heart is open, sincere and at peace with who you are. God will help you see and feel the love of your life, don’t doubt, just trust that even though sometimes we question certain things is because  we might feel afraid of letting someone touch our hearts. It is a sacred space and believe me, it is better to share it.  Happy Valentine’s Day!!! Romantic-HD-Wallpaper





Life used to be simple

21 12 2014

Only ten more days and 2014 will be a thing of the past. What have I lived and learned during this past year? I don’t know about you but I am still learning. As a matter of fact I began learning about my life as it started to collapse as I knew it for so long. Still puzzled by its complexity and ever changing form, very unpredictable and sometimes unfair, or is it? I learned that at times I am called to live hardships, injustice, be stripped of everything to be completely bare in order to be completely transformed. I feel like clay under the potter’s hands, completely undone and being reshaped into something new.

I thought that once a certain situation was completely over something magically would change my life, it has in so many ways but I still wait for the ultimate change that will bring me joy and love. Perhaps there is still more to learn before I get there. It is very early in the morning and I’ve been awake for over an hour now even though I went to bed late. My heart is longing and my mind is racing. These words needed to find a way out. In reality I don’t know what to expect on 2015, I’m not sure if I should even go there. I am here now and there is still ten more days in the calendar but all I have is now. What do I do with this moment, how do I move forward and make the best of it, how do I welcome the wonderful blessings that awaits me this day? I need to voice my heart feelings and longings, my acceptance that I am still willing to love and be loved. Life was so simple.

Life was simple when I had not lived enough to know that life could change in a blink of an eye. That what you perceived as real wasn’t at all, and that your heart could be shattered into a million pieces but somehow be made whole again. There are beautiful moments lived and many more to come I’m sure. If I have learned something is not to lose hope because it is in my darkest moments that I am about to face the sunrise in my life. It is in the moment that I feel I can’t, that God is going to take over for me and get it done. Every tear of doubt and loneliness that rolls over my face now is pain leaving my heart to give way to joy and peace.

I am so thankful for all I have lived this year, for at last seeing the chains coming off of me and to look at myself in the mirror and say it’s done and I am stronger for it. Most of the battle is done but like an earthquake that hits suddenly, once it stops sometimes later comes the aftershocks. Life used to be simple or was it? Maybe it was the way I viewed it, the uncomplicated matters I needed to deal with then and as the time went on I took more and more not paying attention to the effects.

This Christmas I will welcome Jesus into my heart, he who came hell and high water sustained me during the battle and I’m sure has even more wonderful things in store for me. Then I will welcome the New Year with hopes and dreams without measure because I am a child of God and there are many great things he has planned for me. He knows my deepest longing and I’ve prayed for so long. All my tears will be wiped away. But on my here and now I open my heart and receive his blessings, his manifestations of love into my life and I pray for wisdom to always do the right things but never forgetting that when I fall he is always right there reaching out his hands and I just saw his hand right now, handing me another one to join mine.

touch





The Way We Love Them

10 03 2008

To be the parent of a teenage son with a girlfriend is not an easy task. Loving and protecting becomes a mighty quest. Communication doesn’t seem to get through and you are constantly afraid it will too late before he realizes the consequences of his actions. Moms and dads have different tasks in the situation (love and toughness) in order to create a balance. Our experience handling situations like these are limited to our own experiences which are not necessarily situations present today. How to reconcile our wave of thoughts to theirs is not easy, putting ourselves in their place many times inconcievable.

I don’t accept this new way of young relationships, they tend to be way too intense for their age. In the past there was more respect for authority and more control over the time spent together. These days kids want to almost live together once they start dating. I’ve heard of boyfriends controlling girlfriends in ways that can become abusive in the future, parents must warn young people of these signs early on. The sad reality is that they don’t listen most of the time after they are emotionally involved.

How do I show my love for them? By caring, by talking, by paying close attention to what they do with their time together, by punishing if necessary, by taking away privileges, by creating boundaries.





Looking for Love

18 11 2007

couple

There are very few people in the world chosen not to be part of a couple. It’s something most of us as individual enjoy and look forward to, someone to share our life and demonstrate our love to. People preoccupy themselves with the fact that they haven’t been able to find that special person in their life. The big question is if we should actively look for that person or not.

In my humble opinion and experience I noticed that in times when I was desperately looking for someone I never found it or saw it. Once I put it on the back of my mind and relaxed a little I was able to better see the possibilities in certain friends or individuals.

I’m a true believer on “what is meant to be, will be.” There is no need to go crazy looking when love will find the way on its own. If we concentrate in ourselves and being the best we can be as a human being then whoever is meant to meet us in our path will be receptive to our personal qualities. Their interest will be self evident and then we can take it from there one way or another. When we are in this disposition we are at a more realistic mode than when we are actively looking for that person. You both can clearly see where the other one is coming from and relate better at that level. When we are actively looking we usually put on a facade in order to project that which we think is desirable instead of who we truly and sincerely are.

So to me the best way to find love is the following:

  • Don’t look for it, it’ll find you
  • Concentrate on yourself
  • Keep working on your goals and dreams in your life
  • Be aware of your surroundings, your love could be just about anywhere
  • Don’t think of who or when that person will step on your path
  • Enjoy your life