Today’s State

11 03 2010

Today I feel anxious. Should I have told so much? Sometimes I wonder. I feel urged to share my experiences -good or bad- with my kids but then again I wonder if I shouldn’t. I am not perfect even though I wish I was, and maybe they thought I was. I don’t think is a good thing, I think they should know that I am human and that I have done some stupid things that taught me valuable lessons. Danger is everywhere and the magnitude seems bigger now than when I was their age. I just want them to be aware and not to think that it won’t happen to them because that might not be the case. Or should i wait until something happens? It is a hard call for a parent.

I hope that they don’t think or see me differently because of my confessions. I hope to drive them closer to me. Who knows, maybe that is why I am anxious right now, because I don’t know. I wish there was a manual for parents but it is such a complex process.

Watching from the Sidelines

30 03 2009


This has to be the hardest stage I have to go through while raising my kids. Once they get to their teens they begin to make their own choices and with it comes their mistakes. It has taken me a lot of time to build a solid foundation under them and now it is time to see what they do with it.

When it comes to not making the right choices or not measuring the consequences it is very hard for me to made me understood. It is frustrating to try to guide and then be disregarded over and over again. As a parent I has always been ready to lead, protect, provide, motivate, encourage, and fight if I have to. There is only so much we can do to prevent certain devastating consequences at this stage and unfortunately some kids don’t learn their lessons until they hit the bottom. I am not sure if they are crying for something they are not getting from us or if they are just plain stupid sometimes. At this point I am trying to get some feedback from experienced parents and so far they come to the same conclusion: there is not much you can do but to watch from the sidelines and pray as hard as you can for a good outcome.

What are your experiences with these situations? What has worked and what hasn’t?

If I Am No Longer Here

12 01 2009


How many times in life do we feel like running away or escaping and undeniable reality? How many times we feel hurt and disappointed on ourselves, on others? How many times have we felt useless, unappreciated or just plain ignored?

I guess we all have moments like that in our life. It has been a long time since I felt this way. The last time I felt it, I wanted to runaway but the thoughts of my parents’ anguish stopped me. I always wondered what would have happen if I did.

Yesterday was a difficult day, as a matter of fact it has been building up for over a month and what makes things worst is the fact that I don’t take action. I feel pressured to do what I don’t want. I was told that this building up of emotions and my constant effort to suppress it is what makes it worst and perhaps it is true. The fact of the matter is that yesterday all burst to the surface and I exploded like never before. I needed to be heard once for all, what is the reason for me to be here? Is it worth all my sacrifice or dedication or would I continue to live my life in this void where I long to be appreciated in more ways than the physical? Sometimes I feel like shedding this body that covers everything I am. Would someone take a good look inside?

There is so much pretending in this house that it is becoming unhealthy. Everyone seems to have their own agenda and a long list of do and don’ts. A family should be a unit that is directed towards a common goal and based on love, unconditional love. We should all be happy when someone else is happy and not try to hold the other back just because you don’t happen to share the same interest and can’t participate in it. We all have various needs but I don’t believe there is a place for demands in love. You get what you inspire in others to give, nothing more. Perhaps this was the reason why I felt so bad yesterday. I haven’t been getting anything good lately, the way I see it and have been told is that I am the cause for all of this. It is so easy to point the finger and don’t look at the plank in their eye. Everyone needs to take responsibility here. That is why my thoughts of just disappearing were so appealing; one because I felt I was no longer needed and two because maybe by me not been here it might make someone realize who I am, what I do and if it is of any value to anyone.

Perhaps it wasn’t the right thing to do but it is done and after looking at the reactions I decided to reflect and stay put for now. I don’t want anyone to have false expectations of me, what is, is. I can’t be forced to be someone I am not. Hopefully after this everyone will stop and think twice before they talk and take their time to appreciate one another just the way we are.

Admitting Our Faults

14 08 2008

One of the worst situations we can find ourselves in is the one when we have to admit that whatever happened was our fault. Our ego hurt when we take responsability for the mistakes we make in life. It could be either our actions or inactions the provokes our failures.

As a person who likes to take charge and make things happen, when I fail I tend to get very upset. But at the same time I tend to blame others for not following my directions. The reality is that sometimes those who are under our guidance many times can’t see the importance and urgency of the requested actions and we need to force them to act for the time being. In the case of raising children it is easy to make mistakes, I wish that guide on how to raise them will show up someday, but every individual is unique and I’m afraid each parent has to write their own. Admitting that we don’t know it all and that many times we have dropped the ball for whatever reason, doesn’t come easy. All we can do in moments like these is admit it, communicate it and work with the person to make it work and help them solve the problems at hand. I believe this is a great lesson on humility.

I want to believe that everything happens for a reason and even though I can’t possibly understand it now, I have no doubt that God knows way better than me. We provoke many of the things that happen to us but God always guide us out of our own mess if we let him.

So there you go; I messed up and dropped the ball, now is time to face the consequences and somehow find a way to make it work. It won’t be easy but with God’s help I will find a way, I’m sure. I just need to pray, lay it on his hands and see him work it out. I need to be alert to his promptings and must of all Trust, it will be okay. Next time I won’t assume someone else knows as much as I do and will try to teach them what they need, I will push if I have to and I will praise when I see an improvement. Most of all I will tell them the good things I expect from them, that always make the other do their best.

Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity, Richness of Life

Never Give Up

26 05 2008

momand daughter

In the realm of things I don’t believe in coincidences, everything happens for a reason and with an intention to make itself manifest with an specific purpose. I always wanted to be mom and by God’s grace I was blessed to be one. Even when the days get tougher as the time goes by, I’m thankful for this priviledge. Many times I feel like giving up, but there is no turning back on those you love and there is always faith that it will get better. It has to do more with the way I expect things to move along than with the crude reality that I have no control over what happens in life. Nothing is perfect and ideal, we need to work with the imperfect being that we are and learn to accept that our kids are included in that group.

Today I was aware of my whole being and how it affects everything that sorrounds me, including my family. Moms usually set the tone of the family and mine hasn’t been too great lately. Emotions, changes and challenges have set my life in turmoil, not an easy sea to navigate, that’s for sure. Many times I go mainly by instinct and hope. I encountered -among other things- an entry blog that reminded me of a truth, never give up. In life there are many moments when we think that all is lost, especially while we are raising our children. As soon as they begin to make their own mind and decisions we fear they will make the wrong choices. Communications tends to break down and it’s suddenly restored when we least expect it, and I’m so glad when it does.

Exposing our own vulnerability and accepting that we are not as perfect as they think, opens the door for them to talk to us. They are able to relate at a certain level, they even listen to what we have to say every once in a while. I guess they realize that we were young at one time of our life, that what they have seen and known is not all about us. They even have fun when they find out that we did the same crazy things they do now or worst, and learn to use it against us. Even though they claim that these are different times (don’t I know it!) the core of the situations and attitudes they should have in life are the same.

I noticed how the attitudes I try to instill in my children are subtle reminders of the same attitudes I should have in life. So I guess to a point this is a refresher course of how to live plus the experiences I had along the way. As I enter yet another stage of my life, I enter it along with my children in order not to get lost in the maze that this whole process puts me in. I desperately need to go through this process alone, but at the same time it is a relief that every once in a while I’m forced to unplug in order to deal with something or someone else. So I’m not giving up just yet, neither on me or them. I’m sure better times will come and at the same time I will expect that nothing will forever stay the same, if it did, I would be dead.

Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity, Richness of Life

The Way We Love Them

10 03 2008

To be the parent of a teenage son with a girlfriend is not an easy task. Loving and protecting becomes a mighty quest. Communication doesn’t seem to get through and you are constantly afraid it will too late before he realizes the consequences of his actions. Moms and dads have different tasks in the situation (love and toughness) in order to create a balance. Our experience handling situations like these are limited to our own experiences which are not necessarily situations present today. How to reconcile our wave of thoughts to theirs is not easy, putting ourselves in their place many times inconcievable.

I don’t accept this new way of young relationships, they tend to be way too intense for their age. In the past there was more respect for authority and more control over the time spent together. These days kids want to almost live together once they start dating. I’ve heard of boyfriends controlling girlfriends in ways that can become abusive in the future, parents must warn young people of these signs early on. The sad reality is that they don’t listen most of the time after they are emotionally involved.

How do I show my love for them? By caring, by talking, by paying close attention to what they do with their time together, by punishing if necessary, by taking away privileges, by creating boundaries.