Life used to be simple

21 12 2014

Only ten more days and 2014 will be a thing of the past. What have I lived and learned during this past year? I don’t know about you but I am still learning. As a matter of fact I began learning about my life as it started to collapse as I knew it for so long. Still puzzled by its complexity and ever changing form, very unpredictable and sometimes unfair, or is it? I learned that at times I am called to live hardships, injustice, be stripped of everything to be completely bare in order to be completely transformed. I feel like clay under the potter’s hands, completely undone and being reshaped into something new.

I thought that once a certain situation was completely over something magically would change my life, it has in so many ways but I still wait for the ultimate change that will bring me joy and love. Perhaps there is still more to learn before I get there. It is very early in the morning and I’ve been awake for over an hour now even though I went to bed late. My heart is longing and my mind is racing. These words needed to find a way out. In reality I don’t know what to expect on 2015, I’m not sure if I should even go there. I am here now and there is still ten more days in the calendar but all I have is now. What do I do with this moment, how do I move forward and make the best of it, how do I welcome the wonderful blessings that awaits me this day? I need to voice my heart feelings and longings, my acceptance that I am still willing to love and be loved. Life was so simple.

Life was simple when I had not lived enough to know that life could change in a blink of an eye. That what you perceived as real wasn’t at all, and that your heart could be shattered into a million pieces but somehow be made whole again. There are beautiful moments lived and many more to come I’m sure. If I have learned something is not to lose hope because it is in my darkest moments that I am about to face the sunrise in my life. It is in the moment that I feel I can’t, that God is going to take over for me and get it done. Every tear of doubt and loneliness that rolls over my face now is pain leaving my heart to give way to joy and peace.

I am so thankful for all I have lived this year, for at last seeing the chains coming off of me and to look at myself in the mirror and say it’s done and I am stronger for it. Most of the battle is done but like an earthquake that hits suddenly, once it stops sometimes later comes the aftershocks. Life used to be simple or was it? Maybe it was the way I viewed it, the uncomplicated matters I needed to deal with then and as the time went on I took more and more not paying attention to the effects.

This Christmas I will welcome Jesus into my heart, he who came hell and high water sustained me during the battle and I’m sure has even more wonderful things in store for me. Then I will welcome the New Year with hopes and dreams without measure because I am a child of God and there are many great things he has planned for me. He knows my deepest longing and I’ve prayed for so long. All my tears will be wiped away. But on my here and now I open my heart and receive his blessings, his manifestations of love into my life and I pray for wisdom to always do the right things but never forgetting that when I fall he is always right there reaching out his hands and I just saw his hand right now, handing me another one to join mine.

touch





A year ago

27 08 2013

A year ago

This is what my eyes contemplated a year ago, today the panoramic view is completely different. From mountain to flat land. Life is not static…





Brand New

29 12 2009

The end of the year approaches and with it the thoughts, purpose and desires to make it better than the last. New year resolutions are ancient traditions we have tried to practice year after year. I say try because sometimes we fail to accomplish everything we set out to do. I think is has to do with looking at our circumstances realistically and not measuring our commitments accurately, it happen to me many times.

I believe all of us have changed tremendously in the past few years, our hard economic situations has brought us back to the basics and many are starting all over again. We have learned what is truly important and dispose of what is not. We are concentrating our energy in learning more about ourselves and what we are really supposed to do in life. We are finding new meaning and value in the gifts God has given us and are utilizing them for our benefit. We are more aware of our surroundings and what is going on in this world in order to find the flow we should go this time around and survive.

This year my whole life changed and I’ve been on a completely new terrain that God set before me. For a while I did not know in which capacity I would be able to contribute in the regular work force; all I knew what to do was to raise a family, teach my kids, write and work from home. I had no worries. When the storm came all of that changed in a flash and it was obvious my life would never be the same even if I wanted to. Change is the word of the present moment and one I am trying to get accustomed to since I have been so used to stability. I have to admit it is scary at times but as the time goes by I realize it is a necessary evil in order to move forward. It is not easy to change outlooks and habits, it is painful at times. If I am learning something this year is to go more with my intuition, looking back I noticed how many times I ignored it and that is the reason why so many of my heartaches spring forth. I know I’m not the only one who does this, most of us think that those things are childish and that you only do it when you are young and have no responsibilities, at least I did. We should not change so dramatically when we decide to share our life with someone else, there is no need to recreate something that was real. There should always be a mutual respect and admiration for who we are and what we stand for and encourage the other to grow in all directions in order to accomplish a common goal with gladness.

In 2010 I know there will be a lot of stretching, fine tuning and adjusting, it already began. It will be a year to face fears, to take risks and chances, to embrace who I truly am and love it. It will be a chance to be innocent again without the thought that is childish. It will be a year to be true to myself and not try to tone down who I am to please anyone. It will the year that if someone loves me will embrace me just the way I am, without being ashamed or threaten by it.

How do you think your 2010 would look like? What changes are you going to make?

I wish all of you a great 2010, one that shines beyond your imagination!!





Not Knowing What to Do

9 06 2008

The most difficult thing about dealing with unfamiliar terrain is not knowing what to do. In life we come up to different stages where we need to adjust and change our usual course; health, work, age, financial set backs all have an effect in our daily making decision process. It is not easy to go from the familiar to the unknown.

Anticipation to me is the worst of the emotions in situations when our life is about to change in some respect. A thousand different scenarios runs through our minds and we feel weakened by it. When the moment arrives is not as dramatic as we thought it might be, and at the same time we aren’t as weak as we thought either. We can withstand the blows that life throws at us and even if we fall we can always get up. But it is that moment of indecision that wears us down to the point of exhaustation.