Mix emotions in growth

3 11 2014

I am dying… I soon will be reborn. Is never easy to step away from the known, into the unknown. Even when the known part you know was not worth it. During the process of a divorce that grips your life for years because the other for whatever reason won’t let go of the other’s life is a very exhausting process. One might think if it is even worth even think about it again but then again comes the heart and the emotions and our human need to be loved, treasured and cherished. Does that really exists? I know that exists with God because he is the only one with me during this process, no earthly man compares to that love. I pray for that kind of love at an earthly level but it hasn’t arrived. I wonder and hope… I cry and I laugh, I run and I lay down, it is all in God’s precious time.

I feel dying at times of solitude, at times when I need a strong embrace, times when all I need is to feel safe and protected and that all my tears are wiped away. Does goodness goes unrewarded while abuse and humiliation gets its reward? How much can a human being can take? I guess I must see myself on the cross to get the answer. I wish it not to be so, and that somewhere in this world my answer might be glancing at my words. I can only hope and move on not focusing on the emotions and continue to grow because if I don’t, I die and evil will win. It doesn’t have to be so.





Lessons Learned

12 09 2013

Life in this world is about learning. We are taught and tested continuously; if we don’t get it believe me that the lesson will be put before us many times in different ways and forms until we master it. Instinct is deep within us to trigger signals as we move along in life and begin to make choices. Sometimes we detect it, others is so subtle that we let it pass by, but if we do it only causes something negative in our life. Emotions feed a kind of thrill that our heart and body craves for; sometimes good, sometimes bad. It’s what makes us feel alive. There is a fine line in merging our mind and our emotions.

One thing that amazes me is how certain people can go through life hurting others. We are losing the ability to see each other as human beings with heart and emotions. Respecting another human being only speaks about the quality of person that we are. It doesn’t matter if we have a lot schooling and degrees if inside we lack the ability to sympathize with the value of others around us. The naive is reeled in so many ways that is very hard for someone without street smart to detect all the dynamics that could possibly harm them. 

Sometimes I wonder what my new life will look like. Would I be able to navigate this world’s uncertainty? Would I ever learned to play a game I dislike? Is there more people like me in this world?  I wish I could fly but the heaviness of all my emotions keeps me bound to the ground. 

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One day I will be by the shore again, it seems like that is the only place where I feel at ease. I don’t want to lose hope. I look for the lighthouse I left behind so long ago… Who knows if I will ever find a safe harbor to disembark and live happily ever after, if such thing exists.