Controlled Flight

Photography by Clary Lopez 2010

Well, I dreamt it again. Every so often I dream of flying and I will never forget my mom’s interpretation of that dream, Freedom. I am longing for freedom. Every time something or someone hold me back in any way in the direction I am going or wanting to go I get very emotional. It is hard enough to reveal the true essence of your being, your feelings, your dreams and wants to have to deal with something or someone who would shut it down to the grown. “Get real”, what is real, what is to take it slow in the midst of wanting something so bad you can taste it?

I have lived under control for so long but it hasn’t been without resistance. It is a constant battle to do what is right in the face of this world in which order is treasured. In the process we learn to place masks over our faces, our dreams, our desires… Is it alright to do that when the spirit dies slowly as the time goes by? I don’t have the answer, all I know is that at some point everything changes and one has to make the decision to go on the same way or to make some changes that would feel a little bit liberating to the soul.

I question sometimes how are we really to live this life on earth. Is it right to not be part of it for however long we have here and wait for the next? Is it so bad to live your life with sincerity? I am not talking about going crazy here, just be who you truly are without having to think too much the rest of the people around you. It is about expressing your feeling with liberty without being judged and showing others our true colors without shame. I guess rejection is what keep us chained in such a way that we can go in the way that everyone does, without causing any waves. Don’t rock the boat, some people say. Sometimes I feel like it, what the heck! Learn to sail, learn to swim, grab a lifesaver but whatever you do LIVE!

What is going inside me is amazing, at times even I get surprised by the feelings that all the sudden emerge. Like a balloon you try to keep under water, pressure over it for a while but if you let go a little it will pop to the surface with force. What’s better, to let it be where it belongs or to keep pressuring into something that doesn’t feels right for its nature? I guess we have to know ourselves pretty well to come to that decision.