Endless Tears

26 10 2014

I guess now I know the reason to avoid at all costs the reality of solitude. It strips me bare, leaves me without defense against what tore the heart and soul. It touches emotions I might as well live without when they provoke tears, pain and sorrow. I breathe in and out trying to contain the emotions, to keep controlled and with a clear mind. It is not good to hold on to emotions for too long, is not good to be alone for a long time either.

Stretch my arms to the heavens, looking out for that star that will guide me in the dark. Wrap myself under the covers to feel the warmth of a body who wants to turn cold. I want to see the light, I want to let myself go into the infinity or a realm of things and a place unknown but was promised to us. A valley full of flowers where only light, peace and happiness exists. A place where there is no more tears, where joy reigns.

I saw a lighthouse at a distance so long ago, it was a promise to always be there, just on the breakers to help me find my way, to help me be safe. I am either right on the open sea, far, far away from shore. I don’t see a dim light but strong waves coming at me and I’m growing weary. If only I knew that in a short time I will see that light…I guess these are the warrior tears in between battles, trying to stay alive knowing well the enemy is relentless and the battle seems endless. With it the emotions come and go as I need to control them in order to survive. One minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time, a week, a month, a year, and years. Time to wash away the tears to clear my vision and keep on, there is no other way to remain alive.





Making the Best of Our Present Situation

24 03 2009

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“Life’s circumstances are not always what you might wish them to be. The pattern of life does not necessarily go as you plan. Beyond any understanding, you may at times be led in different directions that you never imagined, dreamed, or designed.” — Vicky Silvers

Life is like that, it is training ground where we develop the skills and virtues that what we lack and strengthen the ones we have. Uncomfortable a times, yes, but worth it at the end, that’s for sure.

Changes, which we have no control over, throw us into unfamiliar ground. We get accustomed to certain routines, comforts and income as life kind of flow from all the efforts and educational preparation we have in order to live reasonably at ease. In these changing economic times when all we have known disappears, is taken away or becomes unknown to us it is hard to feel at ease and optimistic, but it is at those times that we find out what we are truly made of. We are forced to dig deep within in order to find the strength to go on and it is in our yielding to “what is” and the acceptance that we are not really in charge that ultimately give us the strength to let go and by doing so allowing freedom to emerge in our life. Faith is belief in something we can’t see or explain. Shifting realities pushes us to think like we never have before, we need to look for the unthinkable and try to find new ways to survive. There are great opportunities to be discovered and developed in time of hardships but only a small percentage of people will be able to grasp it. You can be one of them if you stop thinking about what you lost and start thinking of what you can gain instead. It is good to be cautious but not to the point to be immobilized, if we do so I can assure it will get worse before it gets better.

The last three years has been very hard financially for my family and for a long time I was using the wrong words to express the lack of money. I was saying; I can’t afford it, I don’t have the money, etc. but during the Christmas Season I decided to trust God -not that I didn’t before- but this time I was going to do it totally and try not to -at the same time- get my will in the middle of His. And you know what? He hasn’t disappointed me yet. I changed my language and I don’t use the phrases I used in the past, now I say; when I get the money, as soon as I can, in a week or so, etc. I am always expecting that God is going to provide us with the necessary means to go on and we have.

So don’t get discouraged, lose hope or faith, there is a silver lining in all of this but you have to open your eyes, ears and heart to it. This could be a time when you will finally find out what your true mission in life is; you will probably get to use your God-given talents for the very first time or on a full-time basis and in the long run you will be happier than you have before. Maybe you will have to give up many material possessions that only tied you down and you will learn to live simpler and that will be a good thing. Too many responsibilities and possessions sometimes enslave us beyond measure. Accept what you can not change and change what you can and see how little by little everything falls into place. It is a given that in order to get something better first we need to let go of what we have sometimes. In order to get our hands full we need to come forward with empty hands, but what we must have is a lot of faith and hope.

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Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity, Richness of Life





Gambling in Times of Uncertainty

7 06 2008

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Uncertainty is sweeping the nation, nobody knows when the economy will improve and how to handle it until it does. Especially those young enough for this to be the first time that something like this happens to them. To me this is the second time around but by far the longest stretch of time I had to deal with it. I try to keep myself optimistic about this economic crisis but at times I feel I’m losing hope. Thank God is not enough to lose it altogether and somehow I hang on to the faith I have that it will get better. I try to keep looking at the bright side and notice what I have instead of what I don’t have. I keep hoping for a better day and working to attain new goals and dreams in my life.

Last night I was given what for many people would be bad news, a dear friend is leaving. In any other given time in the past it would have been a big blow to me emotionally but not last night. I somehow thought about him immediately, my concerns and needs were non existent. I only thought of him and what he needs at this moment. I was glad for him, it was a blessing to him to be able to make this move in his life. He was amazed at the reaction and expressed his worries in giving me the news. “I can’t think of me, I have to think of you,” it was all I could say. I heard the words and I knew they weren’t from my selfish self, it was from my spirit and my heart. By doing so I was able to accept a reality I was unable to change and found peace on the uncertainty I will find myself when he finally leaves.

Later on my dad called me excited about making one of his dreams come true. My mom asked me before she put him on the phone, “please don’t say no to your dad, he is so excited.” Never in a million years I would of thought that his dream has been one of mine for a long time; going on a cruise as a family. I think the last time we travelled together we were teenagers and we went to Disney World. Of course I was all excited until the analysis of what it will mean financially hit me and the uncertainty of how the situation will be when the time for this vacation comes, but the reservation had to be made now in order to get a good deal. Do we gamble all that money and hope we won’t have to cancel at the last minute or do we reserve and hope for the best? My dad decided to hope for the best, and I’m not surprised, he is always like that. He always gambles, takes risks and chances in life. Life is too short to worry too much about anything, everything works itself out at the end. Trust and hope are his key ingredients. So many times we stop ourselves from making our dreams come true for fear of the unknown, when in reality all we needed to do was push a little harder. I realize at the same time this opportunity will mean that I would have to make a big sacrifice, everything has a price tag and I must decide if I want to pay the price or not. It is not easy at times but we need to keep moving forward even if it is a millimeter at a time. We can’t stay stuck or we become stagnant. We need to keep our minds stimulated to think of new ways and ideas that might help change our present situation, we need to keep dreaming and even if we need to wait a little more for what we want or need to sacrifice it for the time been, to have the hope that in time it will come to be. That’s how I want to think at this moment. I won’t give up my dreams. I just will have to adjust the manner and time in which I’ll try to make them come true and hopefully it will work out at the end.

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Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity, Richness of Life