Never Again

12 10 2011

Usually I tried not to use the word “never” because in reality nobody knows what lies ahead. It is surprising to find ourselves doing or accepting something we said we would never do. But then again there are things we should make sure would never happen again. One of them is letting someone take control of our destiny, to not fight for what is our reason of being and our true essence. Those who do that to us are cowards, people who suck the life out of people in order for them to live. It is amazing to see how they come to life while they see you there half dead next to them. Love many times blind us to reality and the natural sacrifice we tend to do for our family direct our steps not realizing that we are walking towards a high cliff.

It is not our fault that some people can’t embrace who we are, but it is our fault to become someone we are not so they stay with us. It is a high price to pay and unfortunately many of us do just that in order not to be alone. We have to be real, honest and loving towards ourselves. We need to defend our being from being extinguished from this world. We need to stand up and say, no more!! If you don’t love me for who I am then you have no room in my life or my heart.





On My Hands

10 09 2011

In the realm of all that is and all that will be there is a undeniable reality that most of I want is already on my hands. I don’t believe that my inspirations and most sincere sentiments are there to be voided, silenced, controlled… In all of creation we are the only ones who have the power to think and act, to create and recreate our life. I am at that point, recreation. It is a time of reflection of deep longing and of uncertainty. It is my chance to have what I really want and to grow in all directions.

At this point I have certain goals and desires and the first steps are already in motion. But at the same time I am deeply connected to my intuition, I don’t want to ignore it this time. Sometimes in life we force our way through, we cling to things and people who are not good for us, we hang from ideas that have not worked for a very long time and we try to hold on when we should let go. That we make a commitment doesn’t mean that the other person has done the same thing, it hurts to come to that reality but it is best to open our eyes and move on. Our view of love and commitment is not the same but it should ultimately be to make each other happy. I am letting go, and in that let go I am also setting myself free, free to experience what life has to offer and to become what I must become.

In this new reality of wonderful things that God has for me, I am opening my hands in order to receive all that was supposed to be mine long ago and that somehow I did not realize. In life sometimes we give up, let go, hold on, try to capture things and people who were not meant for us. I believe that is why they get out of our hands, it is a sign that what we thought it was, isn’t. There is no reason on earth, even our love for them, to make them stay. I don’t believe in threats, conditions, trials and promises. I believe in love, honesty, self-giving and action. The day I have to sit down with someone to ask them to show or prove to me their sincerity, loyalty, friendship, or love for me is the day that I know for sure none of it exists. All of that and more is demonstrated to us in our daily interactions and should not be imposed or demanded from anyone because it should flow freely from their heart and soul.

Nothing gives makes me happier than to have on my hands; my future, my dreams, and my hopes. It is a treasure but this time I won’t give it away, I will share it. My heart is opened to the great possibilities a new life entails and I know it will be great. What else could I ask for?





From the Ashes…

23 07 2011

Nothing could be more painful than to be consumed by fire and converted into ash. It is a good analogy for the trials and sorrows in life but also for the process in which many of us go through in order to be transformed into something new or give way to a new life. It is painful but not even a trace of what it was must remain in order to give way to something completely new. In the heat of the moment we don’t realize it but given past experiences it is the way it should be.

Gathering strength gets harder and harder as we try to hold on to fragments of what it was, it is not until we let go that our hands are empty to be filled again with our reward. It is a battle in which the warrior must shed the worthless weapon and quickly reach for one more suited for the fight at hand. He must be quick or risk the chance to be deadly wounded. Perhaps we wait too long in this process, I know, I’m guilty of that. I waited so long that sometimes I feel half alive and my strength is just not there anymore. I must lay in the fire until I am totally consumed and then when it is all done my ashes will be free to be blown by the wind. I will no longer be confined to one place in time but be free to fly wherever the wind leads me. I need to stop fighting this transition and let go of all I know, which now hurts me, and embrace the now and be opened to what the future will bring. It is not easy, but in time I know I will do just that and a better life will be before me.

From the ashes I will rise a brand new being and will never turn back trying to become what was, but I will embrace all the possibilities and take advantage of the opportunities of a brand new life.





The other side of the moon

24 05 2011

The moon forever will be the reflector of my most intimate thoughts and messages that transcends space and time. Like the very first time I was asked to step outside and look at it and somehow communicate and receive subliminal thoughts… I still do that and know for a fact that it does transcends and that no matter where I am I can rely on it.

It’s brightness is fascinating to me and more so when it shines over the sea, it has inspired me to write, to sing, to cry, to laugh and to love. I believe nature has a powerful influence in our well being and it helps us balance a lot of emotions and helps us reflect better about life and our personal journey. It doesn’t matter if it is; the snow, the wind, the majestic mountains, the river stream, the ocean or the starry night… It all merges with our senses and soothes the mind and soul and a lot of times liberates the pressure or sadness in our hearts.

In time I know what is now will be different, but it will be better. For now rebuilding my life and molding my future is the task at hand, later on all things will fall in place. One day at a time, yes, one day at a time…





Dream Reflection

22 11 2010

I hardly ever dream anymore, what seemed to be an overactive imagination has become dormant. Somehow last night I had a vivid a dream, a dream of the going back to where we moved from, another time, another life. So much has changed, eleven years has gone by and nothing is the same. It seems to me that when relationships should had become easier, they became the hardest, and everyone is just drifting apart.

We are in a place where we dreamed to be and yet, in the dream I cried that we should have never moved to this place. Everywhere I look now it reminds of the place where my whole life went upside down. The beach used to be a place I looked forward to be at -and I still do- and yet I haven’t gone in a month or so. Perhaps I need to do that. Something deep inside is calling me to go within. I don’t think I will move to another place though, it took too much hard work to make it here, but I have to make peace with all the emotions I experience now.

I am trying to find guidance from my grandma, she went through the same I did and handled it completely different. I wonder what she would tell me if she would still be here. I believe that if it is God’s will, she will somehow let me know how to move forward with my life. All I want is to feel happiness again and I have to stop trying to look for it in others, it must come from within. My self-talk needs to change, my memories somehow must fade away.

In time I know everything will change, my world will be peaceful and my joy will return. Love will be something I will feel again and when I least expected it that message I am waiting for will make its way to me. I just need to be patient. Time is flying by, and I don’t want to feel like I am wasting the little time I might have here on earth. At any given moment I can be called to go home.





A Long Time Coming

14 11 2010

I can’t believe has long its been, or how much longer life will take to get things right. There is a flow that is building up inside to the point of bursting. I can’t continue to contain all within and expect to move along in life they way I should. I feel like I need to go to the edge and jump into the water, to submerge myself in whatever it is and swim my way out, I know how.





No Bull

29 10 2010

I was watching the Jane Fonda interview with Oprah this week and could identify with her, I guess every woman can. Stages in life are inevitable, I’m on my Second Act, like she called it. The hardest one, but I want to get to where she is now at 72. I wonder if you can get to that mentality sooner than that though. It is the age when you don’t take no bull from anything or anyone anymore. You are strong on your two feet knowing who you are and what you need. You make excuses for nobody and move forward.

I need to get her book, I have the feeling it will light up my mind and help me through. Thank God I taped that show, that one is a keeper.