No Bull

29 10 2010

I was watching the Jane Fonda interview with Oprah this week and could identify with her, I guess every woman can. Stages in life are inevitable, I’m on my Second Act, like she called it. The hardest one, but I want to get to where she is now at 72. I wonder if you can get to that mentality sooner than that though. It is the age when you don’t take no bull from anything or anyone anymore. You are strong on your two feet knowing who you are and what you need. You make excuses for nobody and move forward.

I need to get her book, I have the feeling it will light up my mind and help me through. Thank God I taped that show, that one is a keeper.

Still Standing

6 06 2009

Sixteen long and hard days, that is all I can say. My mind and body grew weary and my heart is quench with pain. Thank God that I can always count on him. Lover of my soul who tend to my every need and whisper in my ear as I close my eyes and drift away in tears. It is because of him that I am here, still standing. I could see the forces coming at me from every angle and direction and yet, I am still standing. I follow his inspirations, I listen to his word. Got to learn to breathe deeply once again. I am stronger than I thought even though I was born a fighter. I never foresaw this battle and yet here it is, testing all that is in me. I close my eyes and drift away to what was calm, to what was peaceful. Now I am forced into a vigil. At the gate still standing, no enemy will pass the walls.

The Delicate Matter of Trust

7 01 2009

“We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.”
Walter Anderson


Walter Anderson is absolutely right, trust is a delicate matter and one that holds all the possibilities or impossibilities when we think about the many facets of our life. Trust is the base to good relationships, business deals and future endeavors. It takes a leap of faith to open our heart to another human being.
Trust is something that is intricately related to our experiences; if we had good experiences when we trust people we tend to be trusting, if we have been betrayed it doesn’t come as easy.

I remember the first time I was betrayed, it was by my best friend. She started dating this guy who did not like me and as the relationship progressed he asked her to give up our friendship or him. She chose him. That experienced left me forever wounded. She was later dumped by the guy and came back to me, I forgave her but I never had the same relationship with her again. Up to this day it takes time for me to trust someone with my friendship even though I am learning not to expect the worst anymore. Now, unlike many years ago when it took me years to open myself to someone else, I offer my friendship to a few selected people and let it evolve. I am happy to say that I have a few loyal and sincere friendships and they help me and encourage me in more ways than one in whatever I want to accomplish in my life.

My trust has been betrayed in many different ways and by different people, and with each experience something very delicate inside me changes and that cast a whole new dimension to my present and future relationships. I am not sure if that is the right thing to do or if I should move on from those relationships and hold on to my integrity. I have to try very hard not to carry my issues of doubts and mistrust onto others who have nothing to do with it, but I guess it is an auto-defense mechanism. I also realize that at times I also have caused someone else not to trust me, so this topic goes both ways I guess. I believe that the best way to avoid this situation is to remain true to myself and present that to others, not trying to be what someone else wants me to be. The moment I try to please others in my life is the moment I start letting go of my innate being, there is no way I can live all my life like that and be happy.

There is no easy way to deal with these problems with trust and betrayal and like anything that I experienced I know I can learn something valuable from each challenge. I guess each person views it in a different light and act differently on the same situation but because they deal differently doesn’t mean I have do deal with it in the same way. I am entitled to deal with my situations with my own criteria and remain faithful to myself most of all, if I am going to betray myself in the process then there is really no hope for me or my future. I have heard so many times that we show others how to treat us, that I can’t ignore the fact.

God knows what he permits these experiences in my life, many of them teaches me valuable lessons and helps me develop virtues and that is all I am willing to take from them.

Unexpected Lessons

20 12 2008

The perpetual school of life keeps presenting me with a whole new course of unexpected lessons. Some of them are a retake of something I didn’t grasp the first time around and then others I have no idea they existed. Dealing with these unexpected lessons can be frustrating, half the time I don’t even want to be present.

-Why in the world should we go through it and most of all do what we said we will never do, if we encountered the situation?
I guess thinking of what we would do if a situation arose and doing when it does are two different things.

Never in my life I imagined having to dig deep within in order not to crumble on the outside. I am very good at moving along no matter what happens in my life but this time it is so very hard to do. I have been deeply wounded and I feel like I have been drained of all strength; physically, mentally and emotionally. At the same time I know I am not the first or only person who has gone through this before, I can survive.

I believe I accepted the challenge to take this unexpected lesson but at the same time I am looking for ways not to. I guess it is the realization that nothing will ever be the same, that could be good and bad. I think this is a good opportunity to step outside my city walls and expose my real self. I need to be who God created me to be and nothing less, whoever embraces me will be embracing the true essence of someone who has been buried for a very long time in order to become what I thought would be acceptable to the world. I have learned that to pretend is not to live and not to live is not what God meant for any of us. We need to be proud of who he created us to be and wait for those who would accept and love us just the way we are. This will be the moment of truth and it will take me to unknown and unfamiliar places but whatever that is it will be fine.

Have you gone through some unexpected lessons? What did you learn from them?

A Mid-Life Opportunity

21 10 2008

I wonder why we tend to be negative about change and transformations, we call it “crisis” and mistakenly many of us accept it as something that should not be happening at all until it happens to us. Change is inevitable and the resistance we create for ourselves and the pressure we receive from others to remain the same it’s what creates the crisis.

In Mid-Life Transformations I read a very clear explanation or what the process is all about. A lot of us runaway from being labeled to be having a mid-life crisis thinking that this is something that happens only to old people but studies have shown that it could start anywhere from 37-50 years old, and it could be sooner or later within that age range. So to me is no longer about age but about a stage in my life when I’m called to put everything -Body, Mind and Soul- in order to be able to be transformed.

Opportunities come in many shapes and forms but the main ingredient is that it challenges us to make changes in order to seize them. We not only look at our abilities but we also look at what is holding us back from moving forward. Sometimes it is our past experiences that have held us prisoner from our own potential in life and at this point is when we are urged to resolve them. Breaking free is not always easy or painless. we need to embrace the difficulties and the pain, if we don’t we might never go through this process.

Just as the caterpillar goes through different stages until reaching total transformation into a unique and beautiful butterfly, we also go through stages, but for some reason this particular stage is not well accepted or supported in order to help us get the most out of it. I believe that is why mishandling the process destroy so many relationships when if properly viewed it could become the beginning of something better. I have been reading about this topic for years from different points of views; psychologists, therapists, life coaches, etc. but I noticed that there is nothing about this stage in my Catholic spiritual resources, at least I haven’t found it. I need to include the spiritual dimension of this process and I don’t want to get lost in all the changes that are taking place.

Another characteristic of this transformation period is the increasing need to be alone, but not lonely. The reason we want to be alone is because not everyone around us is in the same stage we are and because they don’t understanding it they try to prevent us from going into our great journey. The process of transformation is in motion, we have nothing to do with it, it doesn’t begin at will and therefore the best way to handle it is going towards where it wants to takes us.

One of the most difficult things about this whole process is that we don’t know the final result of this transformation ahead of time. In effect we will be a new creation born of our own individual experiences, desires, dreams, goals and talents. I guess that’s why it is so difficult for society to accept; because there is no set pattern, age group, and outcome. Each person has to forge their own path and overcome their obstacles on their journey to become someone new, mostly without any support. I feel this should change. We can’t continue letting people go through this important stage alone, lost and guilty just because we can’t understand it fully. It is a beautiful and powerful stage, one where we will finally arrive to our own ground, Truthful Ground*, one that will help us live more significantly in this world.

* Truthful Ground is the title of my next book. No publication date has been announced yet.