I guess now I know the reason to avoid at all costs the reality of solitude. It strips me bare, leaves me without defense against what tore the heart and soul. It touches emotions I might as well live without when they provoke tears, pain and sorrow. I breathe in and out trying to contain the emotions, to keep controlled and with a clear mind. It is not good to hold on to emotions for too long, is not good to be alone for a long time either.
Stretch my arms to the heavens, looking out for that star that will guide me in the dark. Wrap myself under the covers to feel the warmth of a body who wants to turn cold. I want to see the light, I want to let myself go into the infinity or a realm of things and a place unknown but was promised to us. A valley full of flowers where only light, peace and happiness exists. A place where there is no more tears, where joy reigns.
I saw a lighthouse at a distance so long ago, it was a promise to always be there, just on the breakers to help me find my way, to help me be safe. I am either right on the open sea, far, far away from shore. I don’t see a dim light but strong waves coming at me and I’m growing weary. If only I knew that in a short time I will see that light…I guess these are the warrior tears in between battles, trying to stay alive knowing well the enemy is relentless and the battle seems endless. With it the emotions come and go as I need to control them in order to survive. One minute at a time, one hour at a time, one day at a time, a week, a month, a year, and years. Time to wash away the tears to clear my vision and keep on, there is no other way to remain alive.