I hardly ever dream anymore, what seemed to be an overactive imagination has become dormant. Somehow last night I had a vivid a dream, a dream of the going back to where we moved from, another time, another life. So much has changed, eleven years has gone by and nothing is the same. It seems to me that when relationships should had become easier, they became the hardest, and everyone is just drifting apart.
We are in a place where we dreamed to be and yet, in the dream I cried that we should have never moved to this place. Everywhere I look now it reminds of the place where my whole life went upside down. The beach used to be a place I looked forward to be at -and I still do- and yet I haven’t gone in a month or so. Perhaps I need to do that. Something deep inside is calling me to go within. I don’t think I will move to another place though, it took too much hard work to make it here, but I have to make peace with all the emotions I experience now.
I am trying to find guidance from my grandma, she went through the same I did and handled it completely different. I wonder what she would tell me if she would still be here. I believe that if it is God’s will, she will somehow let me know how to move forward with my life. All I want is to feel happiness again and I have to stop trying to look for it in others, it must come from within. My self-talk needs to change, my memories somehow must fade away.
In time I know everything will change, my world will be peaceful and my joy will return. Love will be something I will feel again and when I least expected it that message I am waiting for will make its way to me. I just need to be patient. Time is flying by, and I don’t want to feel like I am wasting the little time I might have here on earth. At any given moment I can be called to go home.