It’s my Birthday

22 04 2010

I’ll be darned, another year. This one seemed way too long, it went so slow and I had to deal with some many new and unexpected circumstances that I had no choice but to grow in many different ways. At times there were virtues I did not have what I have to dig out and develop, like patience and understanding. Then it was emotions like anger and sorrow. There is a lot we as humans have to deal with along the course of a lifetime, some pleasant and some not so pleasant and it seems that we have little choice about whatever happens half the time.

There was one good thing that came out of the challenges and it was the opportunity to not be so lonely. I get to work in an office part-time and put my talents to work and hopefully be helpful to other people. I also propel myself to develop a business for myself in addition to my love for writing. The year for big time changes and transformation, it is not something new but it continues to flow right along taking me to my destiny. What that will be it is still unknown but I am going with my instinct which it was ignored for so long.

I wish I could be in front of the shore letting the breeze caress my skin and then at night see the moon reflected on the water. The cool sand under my feet sinking all my worries and pain. I had my brief moments of happiness and joys and celebrations of ending pain for my mom and her treatments for cancer, this day she celebrates one year of being in remission on my birthday!! That is a joyful occasion indeed, one I’m thankful to God for but I keep wondering about the time I keep wasting by not being closer physically to her. Living in different countries is really hard still, I don’t think I will ever get used to be so far away.

What I would like for my birthday? Nothing material will satisfy this yearning I have inside, the longing for clarity and joy, a joy that would be lasting. Being pure spirit would release me from the chains that feel so heavy sometimes but that time has not come. I know that each and every experience is invaluable and in the long run it will help me be fruitful in some way and I am patiently for that time to come. I can’t believe I am saying patiently because I am very impatient most of the time. 😉

It will be really nice to be a little silly and fun for one day! To jump out of bed and do whatever the heck I want without thinking, can I do that? 🙂

Well, another year and I have to be thankful that I am alive, healthy and that all my family is also. I continue to pray for my kids’ protection wherever they might be since they are getting to do their own thing now or on half the other side of the world from me, and hopefully what I instilled in them will be consulted every once in a while. But who am I kidding? They are having fun now!! Let them and keep my fingers crossed that they will survive just like I did. At least if they are happy, so am I. Happy Birthday to me.

To me, to another year, another chance to become better, to continue to grow and to get closer to my destiny, whatever the heck that is!! lol