About Loss

19 04 2010

On Saturday my uncle passed away. Even though he was in a coma we were all praying for a miracle. Back in December when he was diagnosed with cancer of the esophagus, he knew his time was short. After seeing his children one by one and seeing that they were all fine he was ready to go, but his brothers and sisters and extended family was not. It kills me to be so far away from them, out of the country and unable to do a thing. His younger brother took on the task to care for him 100% and in the process was getting sick himself. Sick of looking at how his dear brother’s life slipped away from him even though he was giving his all, even though he cried out to God. I have no idea how the last moments of his life were, or who was with him. All I know is that I saw the status my cousin’s status on Facebook and it expressed his pain for his parting.

I remembered all the moments we spent together and I started looking in my computer for pictures of him, it was from three years ago when I visited home and we took the time to pose for pictures with each and every single member of our family. At the time it was a way to make sure my mom would have pictures of everyone since I was bringing her with me after she was diagnosed with cancer as well. Thank God that her treatment worked and she is now in remission but back then they thought they would never see her again. I looked at the picture and I saw my uncle’s smile, now that I think about it I always saw him smile, I never saw him sad or mad. That is the image I will have of him. I heard that there was a special Mass said for him where the priest spoke beautifully of him and that tomorrow the Firemen at the Fire Station where he volunteered ever since he got out of the ARMY will have a big Honoring Ceremony in his memory. I am glad. It consoles me that he touched so many lives and that his life work and dedication transcended his family.

But for some reason I also was very torn and sad, mainly because I realize how the living sometimes are good as dead in their relationships with others, because they are so disconnected with each other and because they don’t care many times about the pain they cause to others. That absence hurts me deeper than losing someone I love to death, it feels like a slap on the face, like being used for the time being or for the momentary personal situation they are going through and then they quickly forget about my existence. It hurts more than death. It makes me wonder about how we love or say we love one another, how easy we utter the words but how short we come up to demonstrate that love. Oh, if everyone would know how much it hurts. But what can I do other than to try to forget and move on, to cut my losses and not expect anything from anyone but myself because that is the only person I can control? Most of all I have to learn to heal my wounds and hope that the lacerations don’t get infected with resentment and lose my hope and optimism. Not everyone is the same and there are some really good people, like my uncle, out there that with their actions demonstrated that one person can make a big difference and that this world is a better place just for having witnessed and shared his life here on earth.

So to you, Nicodemo, I salute you for your outstanding example and I know that from Heaven you are smiling, even though all we can do now is cry your physical absence. Until we see each other again.

Love always,
Your niece


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4 responses

19 04 2010
samnangp

Amen Clary.

Though it is a time of sadness for the loss, it is also good to read about your lasting memory of your uncle being so positive.

Praying for you and your family for peace and healing.

20 04 2010
Víctor

We are here just for a little while… For the ones who do well in life, will have eternity as their reward, beside God to enjoy peace, love and happiness.

It’s ok to mourn, to feel sad for those we lose, but make sure you don’t dwell on them too long… Life keeps its path and you most move along with it…

Just keep the memory of their love and be happy God put them in your life.

My best to you and your family in such a dificult time.

20 04 2010
nydia gutierrez

Clary que bello!!! Gracias!!! TQM!!!

21 04 2010
tony

Muy lindo claribel,que DIOS lo tenga en la gloria!!

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