To be Sincere

29 06 2009

I need to keep writing, if I don’t you soon will stop coming here but at the same time, what do you do when the words just won’t come out? It has been almost six weeks and I still don’t find a internal balance in order to draw something worthwhile from within. It is like a dark night of some sort in which nothing is clear but at the same time I am forced to keep walking on. There is hardly time to rest and when I do is not for very long. Images, thoughts and sadness overwhelm me sometimes bringing me to tears. I know with time all will pass but what I ignore is how long this journey will take.

Life is all about growth, change and transformation is always evolving and moving us from where we are to where we are supposed to be. Sometimes we go with it but at others times we hang on to what is comfortable and familiar, we are afraid to leap into the unknown even when the unknown might be something better. I don’t have all the answers and yet I want to make all the decisions. When I decide to let go is when I really move forward and when I want to move forward I feel frozen in time. The Lord is taking me out of my familiar surroundings and teaching me to let go, trusting that the work already done will now be put to the test. There is no more controlling in some regards and that will help some people to show what they are truly made of for the very first time. Whatever is, is and I will learn to accept it. At this time it is about learning to think about me for a change and not to feel responsible for someone else’s actions or inaction.

To be sincere I don’t have much more to say, there is no easy to navigate on rough waters when you are on a tiny vessel. Somehow I know the water will calm and I will find my way to shore, in the meantime it is about handling the present moment.


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