11 03 2009

pict0131 (Picture by Clary Lopez @ Bonaire)

There was a stillness surrounding me earlier today -for a few days to tell the truth- however the stillness is all gone again. My heart is beating fast and my mind is not as clear as it was. Just like you can’t see the bottom underwater if you have shuffle up your feet moving everything under it, you can’t see or think clearly if your emotions are overflowing inside you.

I struggle with what my next step should be and I know well that this is not the moment to make any decisions, it seems it never is. You can see in the picture how clear the water is and how you can see the pebbles, even though soft waves moved the waters it wasn’t hard enough to disturb the bottom maintaining the water clear. That is how life is when it moves us gently but when trials come the movement could be stronger displacing everything in and around us.

I will close my eyes and breathe deeply as I try to center myself and wait for God to meet me there. It might take some time but I know that is what I should do in a moment like this. I said I would not fight but I feel like fighting deep inside. I don’t want to come undone but I feel like bursting at the seems. Should I scream, should I cry, should I run?

What do you do when stillness flies out the window and you feel like chasing it?