Learning to Let Go

7 11 2007

rollacoaster

(Repost from another blog)

As you can tell by the title this is not my usual writing, at least not on this blog, but I felt the need to do so. I guess the reason why I haven’t been here lately is because my life is on a rollercoaster of emotions right now. How in the world do you get control of your life when it goes haywire? Everything was in order, tranquil and to tell the truth sometimes boring but it was my life and I didn’t complain. Then all the sudden you face changes and your whole perspective needs to change in a hurry or you perish.

When faced with changes and learning to let go of loved ones in your life is not easy. This is the reason why I wanted to keep my life as simple as possible, to enjoy each and every moment I could and have no regrets later, but I guess it is impossible sometimes. There is always regrets; moments in which you were not strong enough to say no, and times in which you didn’t say I love you enough. Times in which you withheld emotions because “it wasn’t right to let them out,” but at the same time you betrayed yourself for not doing so. To suppress emotions is one of the worst things you can do to yourself, sooner or later you explode and I’m afraid I have couple of times in the least expected places and moments. I need to be strong, I’ve always been strong but when it comes to love, I’m so weak. I guess it is the total surrender of your being to another, the giving without expecting anything in return and the endless forgiveness we offer them even when we know it ain’t right.

In learning to let go I’m trying not think about me and my needs, it’s not about me. Life goes on and we need to let others chose their path in life, right or wrong. It’s not easy but I’ll put a big smile on my face and I hope the tears don’t emerge, at least until I can’t be seen. If I’m lucky I would have cried enough already that when the moment comes to part I won’t have no more.

I’m keeping myself as busy as I can in order not to think, it is the best antidote for this kind of emotion. I need to remind myself of the many times I didn’t understand what I was going through but trusted it was meant to be, later I saw the whole picture and it was perfect. God knows the reasons why and we can’t question his ways, he knows what is best for us. I still struggle with wanting things my way and in my time – I guess it is the latina in me- but with time I learned to let go and be at peace with it. It hurts more when you want desperately to hold on and it slips little by little from your hands. I guess that’s why I like that saying: “If you love someone let it go, if it comes back to you it was yours and if it doesn’t it never was” or something like that. So I’m letting go and I hope that something good will come out of it, and remind myself that there is total darkness right before the dawn.

Comments: (from another blog)

DOC (… I’ve always hated that saying… cause no matter what, it hurts! I’ve had to let go a few times. My ex…took me 2 years of her going in and out til I was the one who said goodbye…then it was like a huge weight lifted… litterally..it felt that way! But I was the one who had to say it. Otherwise, I felt as thogh I was being abbandoned. And just a year ago, I had to do it again, so someone I cared for could try something to see if it was real. And it turned out it wasn;t’…so I let go for nothing…and she never really did come back. we’re friends, but it still was bad for me. Its hard, but when YOU make the choise…its easier! It really is. and it will feel so much better! You’ve shown me you’re a strong woman…so I know you’ll get through it. and you have us here too. I know its not the same, but we’re here! (((HUGS))) 🙂

Tuesday January 30, 2007 – 09:08am (EST)
DeVega Here are a couple things I wrote in the past. Maybe they’ll help.

Braving a new day:

Braving a new day
Braving a new stage in my life
Moving on
Rediscovering myself
Back to my art
Creating, Writing, Painting
Exploring with new colors
Bold and Sensual tones
On the canvas that is my life
Exciting new things
Braving a new day
Deep breaths
Fresh air
Cool waters
Warm to the touch
Refreshing my soul
Rebuilding my spirit
Quenching never ending thirst
Braving a new day
Taking the world by storm
Through acts of kindness
Touching lives
Touching souls
Centralizing, Internalizing
And projecting outward
Braving a new day
Braving a new stage in my life
Braving a new day

Loosing Faith & Moving Forward:

Sometimes it’s those you’ve known the longest and hold in high regard that most disappoint you. When you treat a person with respect and always give them your best it’s not always an even exchange. You turn your back and walk away after sharing a moment with them. But when you look back you see them snicker maybe even make mention of you to another. These are the people I’ve learned to eliminate from my life. Sometimes you have to keep those people in your life longer than you want to but eventually you fade them out and continue your journey vigilant. Sometimes I loose faith in those around me, but the one constant is that I continue to move forward. They can walk with me or stand idle criticizing as I walk on by. Either way I’m moving forward.

Tuesday January 30, 2007 – 11:17am (EST) Remove Comment
DeVega Time helps these things pass.

Tuesday January 30, 2007 – 11:18am (EST)
~♥Bre… Beautiful post… so insightful and so true… I guess all i can say is I’m sorry and it is better to love than to never have loved at all… and I too love that saying… no one can be possessed… we have accept that… my sanity in losing love has been to remind myself that I feel the best when I am loved and wanted… it is too painful otherwise, so if that is not the case than it is robbing my mind, body & soul… it should be cherished, valued and protected… focus on what YOU deserve & need… and you should be adored & loved in return. (((((((((hugs))))))))))

Tuesday January 30, 2007 – 08:26am (PST)
Randy M You obviously are a girl of faith and and can see that the big picture is out of our human hands. Let your faith continue to guide you and realize that with time wounds heal and things will make sense again.

Tuesday January 30, 2007 – 08:33am (PST)
GG – … DeVega you are an artist, I loved this:

Braving a new day
Taking the world by storm
Through acts of kindness
Touching lives
Touching souls
Centralizing, Internalizing
And projecting outward

This is what I try to do, if I don’t think about me it makes it all easier.
Nicole, it’s true to say that it is better to love than to never loved at all…

Doc, what can I say? Thank you.

Randy, reminding myself of that big picture is what makes all well for me. Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts.

Tuesday January 30, 2007 – 11:45am (EST)
Bleac… Listen, do not go on that path of regrets. I’ve been down that road, and it is a bad one. I came to realize that everything happens for a reason, even though we may not understand it. But you see, you are always in the right place at the right time, where else would you be? Think about that for a second. This means you made a decisions based on everything you know and it was the correct decision at the time, so how can you regret something you were meant to do? I believe God wants us to be who we really are, and the decisions we make are who we are.

Letting go is really hard, of anything that you so desperately want to stay in your life. You are a great writer. Think of your past as a story, so make it empowering, make it powerful. “I felt bad about that because in the future….” And if you think of your past as a story it means you have a lot of writing to do yet, so go out there and be who you really are, make your life a good one and learn from everything that happens to you.

Take care always! *HUGS*

Tuesday January 30, 2007 – 05:04pm (GMT)
Senti… show must go on… Keep on fighting

Tuesday January 30, 2007 – 11:31am (CST)
GG – … You are right BleachJT, the only way I use regrets is for the next time around. It alerts me of details I didn’t think of before and it helps transform my life I believe for the better. I’m thankful that I’m able to write a little and it serves me as the dam that controls the water levels of my sanity as a human being, if you will.

Tuesday January 30, 2007 – 02:52pm (EST)
Initi… Acceptance is the key…..for the things in which we have no control we aspire within this avenue…and to accept is not to mean be lazy – it means to enable on to just understand that we are all human beings and enable some renderance of acceptance… Within acceptance there is so much spirtually and as well in other avenues. I think your writing is sensation and as well I think that you a person that is determined. Once in a while we have to place the determination on the side path and just understand self time. That is human. Nothing more nothing less…..

Tuesday January 30, 2007 – 12:20pm (PST)
Inter… IM MY NAME IS SHAYDON, this is part of the book, i wanted to talk to you about, but i got no reply, maybe this will help you, i will show u too, i am (internal_affairs12@yahoo.com)

~LOVE IS A GUN~

LOVE is the most precious force that you have. Because when you offer your love, whomever you offer it to, can take advantage of you by your love. Your love becomes the vehicle of your enslavement, your manipulation or your destruction. You dont give love to everything or everyone. Note that using the word (falling) in love, indicates a drop, become lower, collapse, a descent.

Obviously you have engaged in something without knowing the nature of it. Even if you know the backround of a person – how has that background affected the nature of the person? It may have added another personality. Remember in a world like this all is a facade. It is not the seen you pay particular attention to; its the unseen that is the real nature. How do you pull it out or see it? By recognizing the nature of circumstances.

In addition to the background, and whatever the cause is, the effect has subliminally incoded itself in the subconscious, and it has to manifest itself, by other circumstances, which will bring it up from the depth of the subconscious. This is relevent to both parties. To enter into love shows more focused consciousness and direction of thought, because to enter means to go or come into, join, begin, engage.

Reality should cause you to know something externally and internally, in order to have both sides to a thing or person. Duality is the complete concept of life; you have body + spirit. One does not exist without the other. So love is freedom, justice and equality.

By knowing self, produces love for other than self, seeking to elevate self to create a forcefield of protection for those lives.

For an act to qualify as love, it has to be conducted in the absence of emotional pressure. It has to be subjected to intellectual deliberation, involving the careful and intelligent weighing of choices, outcomes, and consequences. Selflessness is not once or twice of GREAT MOMENTS of sacrifice, but in the day to day challenges that visits us all.

Tuesday January 30, 2007 – 03:46pm (EST) nt
Inter… correction on other part at begining (two) not (too)

MASTERY OF CIRCUMSTANCES

Each and every circumstance that occurs in ones life, is the product of an event that has taken place in the past, and now is reflecting the nature of its consequences in the present.

Your ability to cope with the turmoil or success, in your life, is the probable cause that will indicate your future. Everything that has been done, is forever shaping and molding your ability to deal with trials.

When a trial is upon your mind how do you handle it, what is your disposition in accordance with the trial? The attitude should be firm yet not hard, so that it allows you to be humble, soft, yet not yielding. This gives you the ability to be patient, open to ideas and still endure the burden of trials.

When you’re on top, the mind has to be guarded by the constant repetition of that which allowed you to overcome your trials. The same force that allowed the victory, has an opposite and equal effect on the mind; it depends on how much time the programme is allowed to play itself. The brain will confirm whatever you allow it to confirm, right or wrong. It is actually up to you.

Tuesday January 30, 2007 – 03:48pm (EST)
Txcha… I’m going thru a similar emotion, except with a friend. It’s hard to let go. But I came across several things that confirmed things or made things clearer for me. Some people are seasonal and come into our lives to teach us something and then there are long-term people. But it’s never easy to let go of anyone or sometimes anything. Another one thing that helped …is reading Barbara De Angelo’ book called “how did I get here?” sometimes you loose things to make room for the better things in life.

Tuesday January 30, 2007 – 03:05pm (CST)
Mike … In lieu of advice I’ll offer our best wishes and prayers for your happiness…

Tuesday January 30, 2007 – 06:07pm (EST) Remove Comment
El Di… Offline I GUESS I NEVER RECOVERED FROM THE FIRST ONE.MY HEART WAS SHATTERED AND IT’S BEEN LIKE THAT FOR A LONG TIME.I LOVE MY WIFE BUT WHEN SHE HAS THREATEN TO LEAVE I JUST TELL HER THERE’S THE DOOR.I CAN SURVIVE BY MYSELF AND I KNOW IT.BUT I WISH YOU THE BEST CLARI CAUSE YOU ARE A VERY NICE AND SWEET GIRL.

Tuesday January 30, 2007 – 08:41pm (CST)
ƹllɇṙɏ La primera vez que leo un blog personal tuyo. Y ya veo lo profundo de la situacion y te dire que tu escritura casi a la perfeccion definieron tus sentimientos de la manera mas elegante que yo haya tenido el placer de leer en mucho tiempo. Con tus palabras estuve ahi contigo como si me hablaras al oido. Espero que estos duros momentos por los que estas viviendo sean cortos y comprendas que la felicidad es de uno mismo, los otros que entran en nuestras vidas solo ayudan a engrandecer lo ya nacido en uno y en Dios. Es muy dificil dejar ir, te lo digo yo que tu sabes por lo que pase hace poco. Pero cada dia mirando al pasado comprendi que hubieron se~nales que marcaban los pasos por donde terminaria nuestro rumbo pero los sentimientos me cegaban. Siempre hay caminos sin recorrer que esperan tus pasos. Siempre hay personas que iluminan tus dias con tan solo una mirada, para mi Kaelito. No te preocupes tu eres una mujer fuerte todos lo sabemos y cualquiera que sea tu adversidad saldras vencedora. De que quedaran heridas y cicatrices quedaran pero el tiempo curara tu corazon que es lo unico que con lo que no puedes vivir. El sol pronto brillara en tu vida… cinco…cuatro…tres…dos…uno…


Ellery

Wednesday January 31, 2007 – 01:23am (EST)
CB I understand some of what you are going through. I am going through a divorce…I still can’t let go. I have three great boys involved in this and I keep fighting for my marriage even though I know it is over. I just can’t let go…it hurts.

Wednesday January 31, 2007 – 08:19am (EST)
Cor Wow..you just have to keep busy. But it sure is hard to ignore that newfound pain. Makes u want to close your eyes and just fade away. And in the end, it just becomes … a part of you. I wish you well and may time heal your heart.

Wednesday January 31, 2007 – 09:02am (PST)
GG – … Shaydon, your writing is superb, thank you for sharing it with me. Your settings do not allow me to respond to you other than here. Good luck with your book.

LRY thank you for your compliment: “tu escritura casi a la perfeccion definieron tus sentimientos de la manera mas elegante que yo haya tenido el placer de leer en mucho tiempo.” Wow! I’m honored to project myself that way.

Chatterbox, I already commented on your situation with your friend. Good luck with it, it’s not easy to lose a friend.

El Diablo and CB, I’m sorry you have to endure such pain.

Cor, you explained it well.

Thursday February 1, 2007 – 09:23am (EST)
Inter… i am sorry about the settings, i will check them out, dont do to much blogging, however u can reach me on email, internal_affairs12@yahoo.com or just internal_affairs12 for yahoo text, i would really like to discuss the book with you, i have many writings that i know will give you insight on what your currently experiencing, i come across the circumstance so often, i think, i know what the problem is in todays relationships, i would like to discuss it with you, thank you for taking your time to respond, i appreciated it.

and remeber this:

It is the higher acute perception of our senses that changes the thought of a person. As your senses grow your perception of the same object changes and the awarness of its reality is exposed to your mind. You no longer see it as just an object alone, but a force with a reality that is unseen but expressed through what you see.

i will work on the blog, not that i know what i am doing, but i will try to figure it out, i am looking forward in discussing things with you and thank you for your praises of my writing, (blush)dont take praise to well, just try to be humble and stay focused on, reality. thank you.

Friday February 2, 2007 – 01:49am (EST)
Inesta Clari, this is what I think:

I think you are sabotaging yourself.

What does choosing to have a simple life has to do with other people’s choices and causing havoc in YOUR LIFE? Your life is simple, well, keep it simple, no matter what’s going on around it.

You didn’t say ‘no’ sometimes and you didn’t say “I love you” other times? So? You didn’t have to. Or you didn’t and that’s it, it’s ok…

That this is not about YOU? What? OF COURSE IT IS ABOUT YOU! YOU HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AND YOU ALWAYS HAVE TO THINK ON YOUR WELL-BEING. If it was otherwise, why are you writing this? You could have let the other people in your life -those who are leaving- write your story. But NO! You are the one WRITING YOUR STORY and YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT BETTER.

You want to put a smile on your face and pray that tears won’t come out? WHY? I don’t understand.
You want to keep busy so you don’t think…WHY? Who are you cheating? Yourself?!

Clari, my humble opinion, YOU ARE ONLY THINKING OF LETTING GO BUT YOU ALSO HAVE TO EMBRACE THESE SAD FEELINGS. YOU HAVE TO CRY. YOU HAVE TO FEEL IT. YOU HAVE TO THINK OF YOU AND YOUR LIFE. WHEN YOU DIE NOBODY’S GOING TO DIE WITH YOU, SO YOU DO WHAT YOU HAVE TO DO GIRL. Embrace SADNESS. That’s all. You’ll feel better one day, and STRONGER, AND YOU WILL BE HAPPY TOO AND NOT ONLY YOU’LL BE HAPPY BUT YOU’LL BE GLAD YOU ARE HAPPY. And it’ll be then when you’ll see the big picture (God’s plan like you said).
: )

I looked up some things for you and this was the best I found:
“TAKE THE SORROW TO THY HEART
AND MAKE IT PART OF THEE
AND IT SHALL NOURISH THEE
TILL THOU ART STRONG AGAIN”

Nada mija, I hope you understand my point and that soon you’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel and feel better. ~HUGS TO YOU!

Monday February 5, 2007 – 08:23pm (EST)


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