What’s a daughter to do?

15 10 2007

I’m the only daughter in my family and the one who usually communicates and research details when situations comes around. I’m also the one who has the time to support and assist if needed. It’s a hard position to be in because even if I feel emotional about what’s happening I need to be strong for the rest of the family, at least that’s how I feel about it. I love and hate to be in charge. Having control is the best way to insure that things will go somewhere, I take into account the goals of the individual I’m helping but most of the time I make the decisions because they are not prepared to do so. They have been the ones to decide a few times and when they do, it’s hard for me to let go but I must respect their choices.

Life have ways to teach and mold us into what we are supposed to resemble according to God’s will. We are constantly growing and evolving spiritually, mentally and emotionally. The task can be hard and painful specially if we fight it every step of the way or don’t claim some responsability toward it. We can’t depend on others to make choices for us, we know ourselves better than anyone else. Pleasing everyone around us can be exhausting and not a realistic way to be if we want to be who we truly are.

I also have one daughter and I hope that when I get sick or old I don’t become a burden to her. The best way to do that is by doing my best to stay healthy and to be informed. I don’t know if it is because of my nature but I tend to devour all the information available in relation to whatever it is I’m dealing with in my life. When you know what you are dealing with it’s easier to handle and make decisions. It’s also important in order to be able to explain it to those we love the most and to set up ground rules with those reaching out to us to help us while we are dealing with a difficult situation. Pressure and tensions can make a difficult situation unbearable and get us sick, maybe sicker than we already are.

We also need to realize that in the midst of the crisis around us we need to take care of ouselves first in order to be able to assist others. We can’t give what we don’t have and we also need to recognize when the best thing to do is to retrieve and step aside from the situation even if it is for a little while. It’s hard to teach others that they need to help themselves because you can’t be with them all the time. It was probably their actions what took them to where they are right now and we can’t possibly undo a lifetime of wrong decisions for them, if they are not willing to admit it and make some changes in order to get better.

How far should we go in helping others? When is it okay to back off and let the chips fall where they may?


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2 responses

16 10 2007
jaypeefreely

Being an only son, but unfortunately not able to advise (or reflect research like you), I find I often have to let it ride. No matter what you firmly believe, some people are not inclined to receive the message.

With my small, yet extended, family, I have come to realize there is too much stubborness going on. I can’t assist a person 20+ years old than I am, if they are resentful, jealous or otherwise, not open to a message.

take this example: 3 years ago, I tried to get my mother and aunt, who live together, turned on to a hybrid vehicle. Gas was just then at $2 per gallon. I told them, “the prices are going to go upward…and conservation is something we ought to be doing.”
About 10-12 months later, my aunt purchased a used minivan that doesn’t get much in the way of fuel economy. They delivered papers everynight…55 miles per night 365 days a year. Instead of get a fuel efficient vehicle they decided on a somewhat comfortable, yet pricey way to get it, van. Now, with oil heading higher than ever, and gas prices going back above $3, they lose income because their job (and profits) are tied to FUEL prices.

And that is only one of many instances…I’ve left it alone since they got the vehicle. It’s their rodeo…

Good blog as always.

16 10 2007
clary

I guess you are right, we can’t lose our peace or sleep over our loved ones decisions. At least we tried and told them of their alternatives then we need to step back and let them make a decision. Thanks for your visit and comment jaypeefreely.

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