The Quest for an Authentic Life

I found a little gem of a book called Beachcombing at Miramar; The Quest for an Authentic Life, it didn’t take me long to read it and soon after I found myself re-reading again. Today I took it from the bookshelf, this time is completely highlighted and I just thumbed through some key passages. “Once we possess another creature, we alter forever the inherent nature of that creature.” The only person we truly possess is ourself, it is our duty to know, develop and share our nature with others.

In my life trajectory so far I have been a daughter, a friend, a girlfriend, a wife, and a mother. Some of these relationships put me on a rite of passage; a life transition. Transitions are never easy, it involves recreating and shedding parts of our former life in order to make room for the new and that can be painful at times. It’s a renewal of the mind, an awakening of the soul. I would say that among all the different transitions one of the most important is the one we go through to live an authentic life. Life is not worth living if we are not living our truth, we become truly lifeless.

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Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity, Richness of Life

The “I Need a Friend” Project

How many times have you found yourself in a difficult situation with nobody to turn to?

Then you might be interested in participating on this project called
“I Need a Friend”

Find out how to participate and get the support and help you need from people who are willing to share their advice and personal knowledge with others in need. Our physical, emotional and spiritual health depends on how well we process our daily experiences and how we face challenges and problems in our life. Don’t wait another day. Talk to a friend.

Straight to the Heart

The idea is to write it so that people hear it and it slides through the brain and goes straight to the heart. –Maya Angelou

Way before we can touch anyone’s heart we need to be able to touch our own, buried many times under life everyday pressures, responsabilities, goals and dreams. Taking time everyday to see where you are; physically, mentally and spiritually is important in order to mantain a balance. I know by experience how life can get far away from our intended vision, we drift to so many activities that has nothing to do with the path we wanted to travel that sometimes we find ourselves lost. As a woman we many times tend to give way more than we receive and then we forget to nurture ourselves in order not to let our well run dry. It is a difficult task to keep ourselves in the picture of our life and yet if we don’t it comes a point when we feel we have ceased to exist. Yes, we are here physically but our essence, our uniqueness, our gifts and talents have been pushed to the side in order to provide support and nourishment to the inmediate need at hand.

Perhaps that is what we are called to do at a certain stage of our life but then comes a time for things to come. Coming to terms to the realization is not easy for many people, especially to those around us, who only see it as a threat to their “balance” in life.

I guess the soul is not content until it is able to do what it was created to accomplish to begin with. There is a nagging sensation to move on and complete its mission.To become what it is on its own and then be shared with those we love. To be free to move around and do its work. Ultimately to be cherished and appreciated for what it is and not for what we pretend it to be.

Have you noticed how different dead people look from when they were alive? Their soul departs from the body and changes its complete outlook. I believe that to a point the same happen to us when we hindred our soul in any way. The more we suppress its nature and block its work the more it shows on the outside. My grandmother was a different person while my granfather was alive, she kept the necessary balance and peace by restraining her very soul, I believe. When he passed away she blossomed into a new creature, one I didn’t know. I was able to talk to her more and she was free to speak her mind. She even looked younger and lived many years enjoying her kids, grankids and great-grandkids. I called her the travelling grandma because every six months she was off somewhere to meet extended family members. I used to call and write to her frequently and let her know how much I loved her. One thing she never did was complain about any physical illness even if she had it, only my aunt who lived with her would know about it but only when it got too hard for her to handle.

I’m reaching deep within right now, hoping to have something to offer those around me. I want it to be pure, sincere and full of emotion. It will be the only way to let the grace flow and let a beautiful transformation take place. I’ve done as much as I can for now but there are new tasks, new goals, new vision and the great call to my personal mission whatever that might be. I know in time it will be revealed to me and only then I will be able to go straight to the heart.

The Way We Love Them

To be the parent of a teenage son with a girlfriend is not an easy task. Loving and protecting becomes a mighty quest. Communication doesn’t seem to get through and you are constantly afraid it will too late before he realizes the consequences of his actions. Moms and dads have different tasks in the situation (love and toughness) in order to create a balance. Our experience handling situations like these are limited to our own experiences which are not necessarily situations present today. How to reconcile our wave of thoughts to theirs is not easy, putting ourselves in their place many times inconcievable.

I don’t accept this new way of young relationships, they tend to be way too intense for their age. In the past there was more respect for authority and more control over the time spent together. These days kids want to almost live together once they start dating. I’ve heard of boyfriends controlling girlfriends in ways that can become abusive in the future, parents must warn young people of these signs early on. The sad reality is that they don’t listen most of the time after they are emotionally involved.

How do I show my love for them? By caring, by talking, by paying close attention to what they do with their time together, by punishing if necessary, by taking away priviledges, by creating boundaries.

Empowering or Weakening Women

Girls and young women today are under a lot of pressure. They struggle between what they think their friends and guys want and what they really want to accomplish in their life and how to get it. Women have fought and defended the freedom they’ve earned in the last decades, but that freedom has come to be more of a burden than of satisfaction in many cases. For one the definition of freedom and equality with me is being distorted and many times work against women and what they really need and want to be happening in their life.

I know the pressures, I was a young girl once full of questions and expectations. Deciding how to relate to others was a difficult task at times. Looks sometimes worked to my advantage but at other times against me. I could both be loved and hated with passion. I had my scare with girl gangs who wanted to beat me up a few times just because the boys they wanted liked me. I didn’t even knew the guys! Anyway, I was rescued by my mom everytime. Since I was in private school they would not open the gates until my mom came inside the school to pick me up in her car. I could see the mad faces of the girls as we drove by, “We’ll get you another time” they would yell. Thank God they never did.

Girls and young women I believe still want the same things we did; be loved, some want to be married and have kids but most of all they want to be appreciated and respected. Women don’t go from guy to guy thinking it’s cool, they hope that their relationship lead to something solid and long term but the way they go about it doesn’t help them get to where they want to be. At the end their reputation is ruined just because they didn’t take the time to say no and stand for what they wanted. To me that’s power! To have the guts to stand up for yourself and what you want and not to settle for anything less. But what happens it’s very different. With every failed relationship the girls take with them less and less of their shattered self-esteem and at the end they even think they don’t deserve any better.

I believe is time to teach our children how valuable they are and how they can expect and get everything they really want and need in life. I discovered and excellent book that speaks about this; Girls Gone Mild by Wendy Shalit. I think the topic is very timely and will help many girls get what they want. You can read and article and hear an interview by NPR with Wendy Shalit which is very enlightening.

I have a fifteen year old daughter and the things I hear her tell me about other moms it’s outrageous. It really bothers me because in many ways these girls and moms are influencing her in ways I really don’t appreciate. I’ve been called overprotective but to me protecting my kids is not a sin is my right. No matter how much they fight me I’ll be there to guide and protect them anyway I can. But back to the moms. How in the world do you justify parents letting kids 14-17 years old be out of the home at 2:30 in the morning. Kids today don’t do much, I can count the parents who involve their kids in sports, at least in this neighborhood, which by the way is upper middle class. It’s easier to get the kids out of their hair and let them do whatever they want with hardly any supervision.

I was amazed to hear that some moms were buying thongs for their daughters as part of their back to school shopping this year. What are they thinking and most of all what are they expecting from such a choice? What message are they giving to their daughters with it? I have a really hard time with this, to me this is adult undergarment choice and not for pre-teen and teen girls. Clothes are getting sexier and more provocative as well. You can be beautiful and get the opposite sex’s attention by wearing clothes that are classy and elegant instead of trendy and trashy. We need to teach girls that the clothes they choose to wear will attract a certain kind of guy and a certain kind of treatment and behaviour as well. Everyone wants to be wanted and loved but not for just a few hours or days, at least I believe that’s what most women want, and if they do they sure are going about it the wrong way. It’s not surprising that young women in their mid and late twenties are still waiting for Mr. Right.

I’m pretty vocal about what I believe and want in my life. I’ve been mistaken for a feminist which I’m not. I choose to enjoy certain priviledges we as women have learned to claim in the world but I know well the unique power a woman has and many times ignores. This is my favorite quote and it has become my motto:

“To be somebody, a woman does not have to be more like a man, but has to be more of a woman.” –Dr. Sally E. Shaywitz

By trying to be as men were are devaluing ourself and been treated just like them. I don’t know you but I don’t want to be one of the guys. I doubt that girls and young women want to be one either. Another excellent book I would like to recomment is Full of Grace, it helps women see themselves as the beautiful, powerful and unique creature God wanted them to be.

I believe parents have a powerful battle in their hands and their daughters’ happiness is at stake. If we don’t teach them how to obtain what they deserve in life and let them go with the flow so that they can fit in because it’s easier, we would become the reapers of their unhappiness. I know that no parent wants that for their girls so I encourage every woman to reflect upon this as they raise their girls. And to the girls and young women, look into these great books and try to look for people who can guide you in the right direction and help you get on the path to happiness instead of destruction. You deserve the best!

by Clary Lopez, author
Simplicity - Richness of Life

Parent’s Connections

It has taken me years to understand, but I think I finally realized that as parents we are able to connect with one gender better than others. Being a parent is a very difficult task and knowing how to best accomplish the art of better communication with our kids is important. I thought that because we were parents communication had to be an equal thing between mom and dad. I’ve read some books -they all suggest different things- I’ve tried a few things but at this teenage stage of my kids’ life nothing seems to work for them or me. In talking with other parents I noticed how the dads were able to better connect to their daughters as I was able to connect better with my boys. It was a light bulb moment for me even though I did’nt react to it right away.

Now that I think of it I can tell why I’m more like my dad than my mom. I love my mom but I always longed for my dad’s love and affection. Even though during my teen years he tended to be so strict and sometimes unfair, I loved him. He was the one to protect me, be proud of me, buy me beautiful clothes and jewelry. In one word I was (and still am) his princess. I don’t remember him talking to me about boys, my future or my feelings -that was more of my mom’s job- but with his example I learned a lot about all of that.

I know that my best connection with my mom began when I had my own kids. Maybe I’ll have to wait till then to have that kind of connection with my daughter.