Dark Nights

“Your dark night teaches you the truth of the moon. Life is not intended to be only solar, and indeed the cool, blue shadows of the moon have a special beauty. You can live in that beautiful glow, that light shaded by painful experiences and doubts and lack of understanding. Life is often more buoyant there than it is in solar brilliance.”
– from Dark Nights of the Soul by Thomas Moore

It is in the dark, on those moments when nothing seems to make sense or that numb our senses, where we finally dig deep in order to bring forth our essence. Everything that lives deep beneath our mind, beneath the walls we plaster over our soul in order to protect the tender areas of our being. We are never safe from the perils life send our way all we can do is face them, if we shy away from them we end up living a meaningless existence. It is in trials and challenges that we begin to live in the manner we are called to live and to stand for our dreams and values. It is the moment when our true colors shine through.

We stand before the mirror and many times don’t recognize the face we see, it is the reality that time and circumstances have changed us not only inside but outside as well. Perhaps we have lost that optimism and good sense of humor in the day to day dealing with circumstances we have been forced to live. Resistance can make up a lot of intolerable moments in our life that we prefer not to live but there is only one way to handle that situation; facing it. It makes take us days, weeks or years but it is ultimately the only way to cross to the other side.

Tell me about your Dark Night experience.

Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity, Richness of Life

Waves of Emotions

It’s not easy to take time to reflect upon those things that are changing our life, the incertitude that lies beyond the ideas we had about our life. The people we love and that no longer are or no longer love us and the pain it causes. It is hard to come face to face to what lies within our heart to embrace what we can’t change and the feelings we must put aside for a while when we want to deal with the situation at hand. It is a matter of moving on the deep waters of our despair in order not to sink in sorrow. Emotions run through our mind and body affecting everything we do and what we will become. Seeing how our hopes and dreams quickly drown deep below the surface, buried under our survival’s pressure. It goes beyond our strength many times but a much needed exercise in patience and humility.

I move around the house, I read a book, I pray, I meditate and nothing helps me. I walk out to the beach and once on the shore I take off my sandals, sink my feet in the sand and sit right under a palm tree. The waves crash against the shore, the rocks are bathed with each one of them, sometimes barely making it over the top and others overflowing all the way to the other side. Just like my emotions at this moment, they come in waves at unpredictable times and speed and sometimes I feel they are too much for me to handle, overflowing out of my heart and erupting through my eyes, releasing some of the pain lodged deep inside.

Many words come to mind, words I wish I could speak to claim some dignity out of the situation but when the moment comes I remain silent. I don’t want to lose, I don’t want to hurt, I don’t want to cry and yet, I experience it all.

Is it possible to not be completely destroyed by emotion? Could we put aside the wounds and forget about the pain? Can we truly try one more time after being disappointed so many times? It takes courage, courage to be open to worthwhile feelings and experiences in life in order not to die inside. To die while being alive is one of the worst punishments we can choose for ourselves. Buried deep beneath the surface of our soul, crushed and silenced prisoner of sorrow. Is it a life sentence, reigning in the land of perpetual sadness? It is a quenching of all heart’s hope, the one who once was full of love, and that now has been forgotten. I speak about what human nature many times experience throughout life, changing and transforming the pure and sublime creature who believed that anything was possible when in reality few things are. I guess the key is not to look so much at what isn’t possible but to look at what is possible instead, and to fight for it to the end.

Dealing with Emotions and Circumstances

Our life is shaped by the experiences we live and how we deal with our emotions and circumstances. Two people could have the same thing happen to them and have a different outcome according to their reaction to it. One could be crushed while the other is propelled to look for new ways to overcome their situation and create something positive.

Emotions are powerful and they are meant to stir in us a sense of being alive, they move us to act. They can make us feel happy, sad, compassionate, and enthusiastic. The person who is unable to let their emotions flow is usually an unhappy individual, their emotions build up to the bursting point unto the surface of their daily life like an exploding volcano.

The way we approach challenges and changing circumstances shape the magnitude of the impact it will have on our emotions. The mind is the one that begins to form the ideas that will help us act later on to make it a reality.

In dealing with emotions and circumstances it is important to know that many times we have no control over circumstances but we can control our emotions if necessary. Because our emotions are so volatile we must know to distinguish when going with our emotions is the right thing to do. It won’t be easy at times to go against our emotions but at the end it will be the best decision we ever make in our life. To be at the mercy of our emotions is to forever be on a roll-a-coaster ride unable to get off. Getting off the ride every once in a while will give us the chance to experience a certain level of stability and them a thrill when we decide to go back on.

How do you deal with your emotions and circumstances?

To You My Friend

Traveling can get you completely out of sink with writing. I landed on Puerto Rico on Thursday and in matter of minutes my mind went into the things I would encounter; my mom back home from the hospital after surgery last week and my responsabilities as a caretaker for the next few weeks. I wish I could be here with her all the time.

It is hard to think of what to write, to think what you would need to hear today so I will let my intuition do it for me.

Getting the focus out of what our immediate needs might be to attent to others is so helpful in so many ways. You are completely guided by the love you feel for one another and when you do so your worries and tensions disappear. I needed that. Now I understand why so many people began to dedicate their life to helping others. I try to be attentive and to anticipate what is needed of me and get so tired sometimes that I just crash on my bed at night.

Another positive thing about this whole experience is that when you begin to live this kind of service to others there is only one person you can rely on and that is God.

Hopefully this theme would be of interest to you and when you feel tired, worried or just consumed with your daily struggles you begin to look outside of yourself and see who needs you. If you have experienced something like this before I would love to know.

Creating Our Destiny

Destiny, some people think it is an undeniable force that propels us to what we are supposed to be in life. Not counting with our will and effort; what is meant to be, will be. I don’t believe it for a second.

In life we are presented with many different options that affects our life. These opportunities brings us potential carreers, love, our husband or wife and many other things. Not all that is presented to us become part of our reality, because in order to do so we must put some effort integrating it into our life.

I guess the best way to illustrate this is by asking you to think back on your decisions, decisions that shaped your present. Looking back you’ll clearly see what actions took you all the way to where you are right now. There is nothing we can do about the past but to learn from it, not only that, but we many have to live with the consequences of those decisions as well.

If I have learned anything in my years of living it is that we are in a constant evolution of our being. We live, we learn, we grow and continue to do so at so many different levels in our life. We perform certain tasks and responsabilities depending on the life stage we are living at the moment; son or daughter, student, worker, partner in marriage, parenting, seeing our kids leave the nest, reclaiming and recreating our nest, retiring, becoming grandparents, facing sickness and death. The reality is that we can’t be the same person throughout all those stages, we develop and utilize different gifts, talents and attitudes that will help us navigate each one them. Some people see change as a threat, they want everything to stay the same including those around them. It’s an impossibility. If we are alive and growing in any way, (physical, mental or spiritual) we are changing. Try to put a stop to our growth and we’ll only become frustated and depressed.

Destiny is something we create moment by moment as we move along the path of life. We might have taken the wrong turn many times, but then again, there are many routes to arrive at the same destination.

Living the Now

“To accept the duty of this moment for God is to touch Eternity, to escape time.” - Fulton Sheen

Why is it so hard to just plain live the moment that is before us? The past is gone and the future is unknown to us. Why do we keep living everywhere but the present moment?

There is no way to undo our past and there is no way to jump to the future. I believe it is because we are trying to escape our present situations. It is easier to look back or look forward in that way we completely forget about the present moment. I would personally like to skip times of agony, indecision, loneliness, unhappiness, sadness, sorrow, pain, and depression. I realize all these emotions are rooted in the lack of my Now living. If we don’t live our Now we are not really living, we are in this world but not really present to ourselves or others.

Remember the days when you lived your Now to the fullest, never giving any thought to the past or the future? Not worrying about what people thought and moving along in life. Of course a lot of stupid stuff was done but all in all up to a point we lived. What happened along the way? Where did we begin to lose that way of thinking and began to think of other times? I really don’t know when mine began, all I know is that at this point in my life is wearing me down and I’m tired. To me, worrying about the past or the future is one of the worst robers of happiness, peace of mind and ultimately hope.

So how do we begin to live the Now?

Accept that you are going to die, when? Nobody knows, so start living each and every day to the fullest.

Do all you can today, don’t leave anything for tomorrow.

Don’t compromise every single minute of your life, prioritize and give your time to that which is so important to you.

Take time to be quiet and alone. We all need some down time to recharge in order to be able to give to others.

Take the time to be in nature. There is nothing more powerful than to come in touch through our senses with natures and animals. Stop and look around in detail God’s creation for you.

Find something to do just for fun. Not everything in life has to do with making money, take up a sport, art or volunteer work that will help you be creative.

Spend time with your kids, they grow up so fast.

Start dreaming again. If the doctor told you that you have only six months to live, what would you do? Well, think about it and do it right NOW!

I’m sure you can add many more things here, go ahead! Share them with me.

Learning to Accept Reality

We tend to hope and dream to reach for what make us enthusiastic about life again. There is a fine line between reaching out for what we think we want in our life and fighting with our heart to make it happen. Not everything we want is meant to be. There comes a time when we need to accept the reality that we have to let the dream go, is not easy, especially when you have put some much time and dedication into it.

In dealing with people if you don’t find the other person receptive to what you want to accomplish, in time you will have to let it go and move on. The only person you can control is yourself. I know well how we can contemplate what evolves right in front of us which let us know it is not going to work out and yet we keep justifying everything in order to continue on. Other times we think that it will change but the reality is that just like the mule decides that is not moving anymore so it is sometimes with our situations, we are stuck and that’s just the way it is; unless we dismount and decide to walk or get on another animal we are not going anywhere.

I’m not advocating to give up too quick and easily because there are times when we need to work around a situation in order to make it work but there are times when you know deep inside it is over.

Challenges, failures, fears and disappointments inevitably change and mold us in ways we sometimes wish it didn’t, but in the long run we can utilize the lessons learned to make it work the next time around. In business we learn what doesn’t work and that help us to be more creative in our approach, delivery and execution of our ideas. We need to be intune to our inner wisdom, our intuition, that innate connection we have with the Divine (God), it takes time to develop and dedication to keep it fluid within us but it is what ultimately will guide us in the right direction.

One thing I need to learn personally is to take with me all the positive I received from a situation even if it didn’t work out. There is always something good. Instead of focusing on the negative I need to keep looking at the little nuggets of wisdom I managed to dig out in the journey. Then I need to learn to push the negative far away from my mind and heart, holding on to it will only spoil the next situation I will need to deal with in my life. Trust me, this last one is easier said than done.

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Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity, Richness of Life

Not Knowing What to Do

The most difficult thing about dealing with unfamiliar terrain is not knowing what to do. In life we come up to different stages where we need to adjust and change our usual course; health, work, age, financial set backs all have an effect in our daily making decision process. It is not easy to go from the familiar to the unknown.

Anticipation to me is the worst of the emotions in situations when our life is about to change in some respect. A thousand different scenarios runs through our minds and we feel weakened by it. When the moment arrives is not as dramatic as we thought it might be, and at the same time we aren’t as weak as we thought either. We can withstand the blows that life throws at us and even if we fall we can always get up. But it is that moment of indecision that wears us down to the point of exhaustation.

Gambling in Times of Uncertainty

Uncertainty is sweeping the nation, nobody knows when the economy will improve and how to handle it until it does. Especially those young enough for this to be the first time that something like this happens to them. To me this is the second time around but by far the longest stretch of time I had to deal with it. I try to keep myself optimistic about this economic crisis but at times I feel I’m losing hope. Thank God is not enough to lose it altogether and somehow I hang on to the faith I have that it will get better. I try to keep looking at the bright side and notice what I have instead of what I don’t have. I keep hoping for a better day and working to attain new goals and dreams in my life.

Last night I was given what for many people would be bad news, a dear friend is leaving. In any other given time in the past it would have been a big blow to me emotionally but not last night. I somehow thought about him immediately, my concerns and needs were non existent. I only thought of him and what he needs at this moment. I was glad for him, it was a blessing to him to be able to make this move in his life. He was amazed at the reaction and expressed his worries in giving me the news. “I can’t think of me, I have to think of you,” it was all I could say. I heard the words and I knew they weren’t from my selfish self, it was from my spirit and my heart. By doing so I was able to accept a reality I was unable to change and found peace on the uncertainty I will find myself when he finally leaves.

Later on my dad called me excited about making one of his dreams come true. My mom asked me before she put him on the phone, “please don’t say no to your dad, he is so excited.” Never in a million years I would of thought that his dream has been one of mine for a long time; going on a cruise as a family. I think the last time we travelled together we were teenagers and we went to Disney World. Of course I was all excited until the analysis of what it will mean financially hit me and the uncertainty of how the situation will be when the time for this vacation comes, but the reservation had to be made now in order to get a good deal. Do we gamble all that money and hope we won’t have to cancel at the last minute or do we reserve and hope for the best? My dad decided to hope for the best, and I’m not surprised, he is always like that. He always gambles, takes risks and chances in life. Life is too short to worry too much about anything, everything works itself out at the end. Trust and hope are his key ingredients. So many times we stop ourselves from making our dreams come true for fear of the unknown, when in reality all we needed to do was push a little harder. I realize at the same time this opportunity will mean that I would have to make a big sacrifice, everything has a price tag and I must decide if I want to pay the price or not. It is not easy at times but we need to keep moving forward even if it is a millimeter at a time. We can’t stay stuck or we become stagnant. We need to keep our minds stimulated to think of new ways and ideas that might help change our present situation, we need to keep dreaming and even if we need to wait a little more for what we want or need to sacrifice it for the time been, to have the hope that in time it will come to be. That’s how I want to think at this moment. I won’t give up my dreams. I just will have to adjust the manner and time in which I’ll try to make them come true and hopefully it will work out at the end.

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Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity, Richness of Life

A Difficult Day

This was a very difficult day, there is no way I will be able to make a decent entry. So I’m sharing a quote with you instead and hope that inspires you:

“One of the greatest feelings in life is the conviction that you have lived the life you wanted to live-with the rough and the smooth, the good and the bad-but yours, shaped by your own choices, and not someone else’s.” — Michael Ignatieff

Be well, rest, and be renewed. I will try to do the same.