On Facing Death

Death, it’s not by any means something anyone want to think or talk about. Most of the time what we want to do is completely forget about it, but how useful could it be to live with our death in mind.

Those of you who come here frequently knows that my mother was diagnose with a Lymphoma on 2005, it was a hard hit for all of us, especially her. It was one of the illnesses she feared the most since she saw one of her best friend die of breast cancer years ago. She saw Josefina’s fight, struggle and deterioration as the cancer consumed her, now it was her turn. She started her chemo last week and three days later she felt awful; body aches down to her bones. She had to stay in bed for couple of days and couldn’t stand anything over her shoulder because it hurt her. It hurts me I can’t be there with her. I’m thankful that on her 71st birthday, September 27 she was feeling good and had the time to spend with her sisters to celebrate it.

Today I scan the news on Yahoo! and a video of professor Randy Pausch flashed on the screen. I watched it and I cried. I’ve know that people in these kind of situations are the ones who teach us what life is all about, I wrote it on my book “Simplicity - Richness of Life” . On chapter 4 titled What’s Holding You Back I wrote: “Sick and terminally ill people tend to look at life under a brighter light than we do. What amazes me the most is how some of them give thanks to God for their sickness because their prognosis made them stop, look around and see things in a way they’d never seen or appreciated before. All of a sudden, life holds meaning, and every minute is treasured like a precious jewel dug from their own “plot of land.” When I wrote this I had no idea I will be dealing with death so closely and yet God in some way was preparing me with the possibility. The reality is that we are all going to die one day, we are terminally ill, but most of us have no idea when that time is going to come.

I wanted to share with you Randy’s first part of his Last Lecture just in case you haven’t seen it. If you want to see what else he has spoken about you can find a list here. I know some of you are dealing with difficult times in your life -we all do sooner or later- but one thing I don’t want you to forget is to look for the good in everything that comes your way. Don’t forget that we are equipped with whatever we need to face the challenges in our life just be open to the possibilities and don’t close yourself up to others who want to help you. Watch the video and tell me what you think about life and death.

Comments: (from another blog)

**DOR… ITS TRUE. WHEN YOU ARE IN THIS KIND OF SITUATION YOUR LIFE CHANGE. IT’S LIKE YOU ARE NOW AWARE OF YOUR OWN MORTALITY.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 07:33am (CDT)
Lynne… My previous blog, “Remembering Her” is much like what you are talking about. Hugz. You need them…both of you.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 08:16am (PDT)
Angel… your right…we put the thought of death aside, because we dont want to lose our loved ones…and sure we dont want to give up our own life.
I have benn thinking about this subject now fro a while…it is always painful to lose a loved person..and if we know our life is coming to a end
its very hard to deal with.I know what it feels like to lose a loved person.My brotherinlaw passt away some years ago…at first I thought why him? a such good person and was mad at evryone and evrything…i also almost lost my faith in god…but as i grew older ..i know know..evrything that happens in our lives has a reason…its our paths to walk and learn……..even if it hurts so much..

I wish the best for you and your mom….love , hugs and kisses

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 09:20am (PDT)
Angel… How will I know?

Distances over mountains so high, are difficult for me to climb.
Sky’s so wide and never-ending are impossible for me to fly.
Fields so far I can’t walk to be with you.
Forests so dark and great are hard to pass.
Oceans so deep and blue never to swim are keeping good friends apart.
If I cant climb the mountains so high,
Fly the sky’s so wide, walk the fields so far,
Pass the forests and swim the oceans so deep.
My friend how will I know?
If our messages stop climbing the mountains so high,
Flying the never ending sky’s,
Walking the fields so far,
Passing the forest so dark and
Swimming the oceans so deep and blue.
My friend how will I know?
I will never know, because the mountains are too high for me to reach.
I will never know, because I lost my wings and can’t fly.
I will never know, because my feet will bleed.
I will never know, because the forests are to dark for me to see through.
I will never know, because I am a fallen Angel and can’t swim.
Distances keeping friends apart.
Dear mother god, make me taller then the highest mountains so I can step over them,
Lend me your wings and let me fly the never ending sky’s,
Borrow me your walking shoes so my feet won’t bleed when I walk the fields so far,
Let your light guide me through the darkest and greatest forests,
As I pass them,
Change me in to a mermaid so I can swim the oceans deep and blue
If not Dear Mother God, I will never know when I lose my Best friend.

Angelsky

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 09:23am (PDT)
GG - … I wrote this not knowing that my mom is in the hospital today. She has very strong stomach pain. Please pray that they find out the reason this is happening to her.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 12:59pm (EDT)
Photo… GG…this blog of yours and watching the video took me back a few years and brought me back to where I am today with my life. I’ll try to keep this short.
First of all, I want to say, I think of your Mom often and I know it’s hard for you too. We are all a bridge here for you. Stand on this bridge, look out into the valley of wildflowers, embrace their fragrance and let God kiss your cheeks with the warmth of his sunrays.
Life to me is a continuing struggle of a learning process; I say struggle because, like he says in the video there has to be the basics of learning before we step into the game and become overwhelmed with pride of ourselves. Forgetting that the tools we have the gifts God gives us to share with others on a daily basis.
Every one of us has a gift, my gift is Photography, not knowing one day I would be addicted to writing poems and that within my poems being another hidden gift I did not know I had, the poem being an image of my thoughts a photograph put into writing. I still don’t know where my poems come from but they are there and it is a “Reflection of my soul” just like my photography.
Where am I going with this, I’m not sure “Laughing out loud” we all have dreams and dreams I think is a way God prepares us for death. All parts of our walk in life is 360 processes from birth through what ever age we are at the present, up until the time of our death.
It’s not how many years we live or what we accomplish in a full year, day one to the last day to reach another year, another year older. It’s what we do with our time he gives us. Within our daily walk through out the year until he brings us home, we grow like the rings in the trunk of a tree, showing us how old they are when in reality they are only rings of seasons. Producing fruits with our gifts he gives us.
One night closing our eyes, waking up looking into Gods eyes and hearing him say Clary, Job well done! Faithful one.
Don’t know if this makes sense…But at this time in my life this is my answer to your blog…Great Blog.

Art

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 10:02am (PDT)
DOC (… Clary… I’ll watch the video later, (cant at work) but right now, I wanted to share with you… My Mom dies of cancer 2-1/2 years ago. My brother, sister and I were not all together with her for about 19 years… but we were able to do it about 5 days before she passed. We all thought about it and came to the conclusion she held out til we were able to! It was a special time we will never forget… even if it was for just a half hour or so… HUGS to you, yes, you WILL remember all the good, feel all the good… and take from it… all the good! Luv ya my friend!

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 01:40pm (EDT)
GG - … Thanks for your words of comfort Art, Angelsky and Doc. Doc, I’m glad you had that time with your mom. I’ll treasure the four months I spent with my mom while she lived with me. I’m always thinking of the good times.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 01:58pm (EDT)
Ray Z Strange how a couple of days ago I put in my Blast “I have decided to live forever - or die trying. . .” and now your blog brings me to the same topic I have been dealing with (luckily) longer then I expected to.

Before I wrote the above, I had in there “Death is Fatal”. For the past four years I have had major health problems to where two years ago my family practitioner told me to “Make peace with God”. I figured my life was pretty much coming to an end.

Last year my doctors performed a “Hail Mary” “Shot in the dark” procedure in an attempt to slow a very aggressive coronary disease.

I pretty much figured it was over and I should just sit back and go peacefully. My coronary arteries were closing up at an alarming rate. I never made it past eight months without intervention, and at times as short as one month. Well this “Shot in the dark” got me past the eight month mark, and I smelled a bit of hope in the air. An entire year goes by and it dawns on me that I basically wasted 12 months just waiting to die. So I picked myself up and started doing projects at home and it felt great. A total of 14 months after the “Hail Mary” I end up with the worse blockage I have ever experienced. (And I had some really bad ones).

This was just three weeks ago. They put in the 16th Stent (holds the artery wall open) and had to reopen two others.

So I am faced with the choice of crawling back into a hole and wait for the dirt to be filled in, or just continue to live life as it was meant to be - enjoying what you have and not worry about death, until after it comes.

I hope for the best for your mother. Both of you will be in my thoughts.

Peace . . .

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 11:39am (PDT)
GG - … Ray, I’m sorry you are going through so much. Health problems force us to make a little bit of changes in what we used to do regularly but never crawl into a hole and wait for death to come, it’s not here yet and in the meantime live it as much as you can. Peace and blessings.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 03:03pm (EDT)
Steve… First, I understand what you’re going through with your mother…my father had lymphoma and I witnessed how devastating not only the illness is, but also how the ‘cure’ can challenging as well. I wish you well in this process of patience and understanding. Spend as much time with her as you can.

I think each of us should live everyday as if it were our last. More forgiveness, more kindness, more observing of God’s beauty in creation. And, most importantly, live a life without fear.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 03:04pm (CDT)
Photo… GG.I had to come back here. Been thinking about your blog all morning and afternoon and thinking of Mom. Gang, GG’s Mom is not my Mom. I just call her Mom.

I just finished another poem that was inspired by my thoughts of you blog. Just wanted to share it here with you and everyone. Love all you guys.

“Life and all its glory “

One step closer to God
Breathing life
Into us as a gift to another
~
Born into the arms of a mother
Nourished by the love of her soul
Mother and child
Bonding together
Like a rose rising high
Above her garden
~
Petals of color
Vibrantly showing
Fragrance of
Another universe
A universe nourished
By the love of God
Through the gift and love
Of
Mother Nature
~
What has come into existence?
The pearl of life
The bridge we stand on
Looking upon the valley of love
Fields of wildflower
Swaying in Gods wind
He moves in all directions
~
What bridge
Will we be standing on?
When we meet him
Will he show himself?
Through the gifts, he bestows upon us
Will I manage his fruits?
In a tasteful manner
Or will I cause him to shed a tear

©Arthur Henn

Lord I’m throwing in a prayer here for GG (Clary’s)Mom. You know what she is dealing with and and if its you will, I’m asking a favor of you that you take a little time, extra time out of you busy schedule and give them both the strength they need to cope with this hurdle, struggle in their lives. Be with her Mom daily embrace her with your love and heal her if its your will. In your sons holy name…Amen

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 02:35pm (PDT)
Initi… I have seen near death and deterioration for much too long. I could go on with regards to it. But I will give you an example. The men that go through the most in battle (for example WW2 veterans)…the ones that saw too much reframe from going there as they don’t aspire to remember or recall they wish to place it in a area that is not stops them within life.
Sometimes and most often silence is the key in this area for me. Not saying I have went through more than any other….I just know what is best for me in the moment. BTW thank you for the reminder writing Clary you are an angel!

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 03:01pm (PDT)
Wilma… I’m catholic and in some ways an ortodox catholic, that’s why I think dead is just going back HOME to our Father in Heaven. I also think that people terminally ill are in a process to purify themselves, a last chance to re-think their lifes and repent if they have to. I actually consider a sudden death one of the most unfair things in this world, not that I can say what’s fair or not, but to me, when our body suffers we are able to separate ourselves from this vehicle that makes so easy for us to sin and see ourseles as the immortal souls we really are. Is not that I want people to suffer, is not that at all, I just consider it’s a gift to have a period of time to prepare yourself and prepare the ones you love for your physical absence. After all, we don’t die, we just move from house into Another.

Thursday October 4, 2007 - 10:28pm (ADT)
Jayrene death has been on my mind for some time now… although i dont want to die yet, am not prepared, and will fight it as long as my body can… i have been imagining myself dying… you know if this thought comes often to your mind, you’ll realize there are a lot more to it than leaving loved ones behind. i have read a lot of books about people having near death experiences, their story is something that one would look forward to. i have a blog story about a couple, the wife knows she’s dying, well you can read about it. their is a story of courage and faith.

Friday October 5, 2007 - 02:28am (PDT)
melvy… I don’t care what other people say.. but facing death is facing the unknown… death means the demise of something vibrant and alive…death means losing your identity… losing what you have been all these years. it means losing who you are and were… death means losing your friends and loved ones… I have faced death before and I tell you it is UGLY… Nobody wants to die willingly… except those who want to sacrifice themselves for a cause bigger than themselves.

Friday October 5, 2007 - 03:28pm (EDT)
Ray Z Melvy -

When a person dies, they do face the unknown, but there is the absolute “Known” of what is left behind - That can be many things. For one, family, and the memories you left with them, the same for your friends, and the memory you left with them also. In that way, you have not perished.

If you were blessed with children, your life continues through theirs. The only time a person truly dies, is when no one knew they ever existed. . . and if that was happening during their lives, to me, it meant they never truly lived.

Your life will last as long as the memory you left in the hearts of others remain, and this includes your offspring. It is why we should always pay attention to what we do and say that affects others . . . it is up to them, to carry on your life, in the light or darkness you leave behind. . .

Peace . . .

Friday October 5, 2007 - 12:59pm (PDT)
M.K–… I hope my achievements in life shall be these –That I will have fought for what was right and fair,That I will have risked for that which mattered,That I will have given help to those who were in need…That I will have left the earth a better place for what I’ve done and who I’ve been.i think about death sometimes and i wrote as i want to be remembered after death.Your moms is in my prayers and God bless you all.Best wishes

Friday October 5, 2007 - 07:33pm (CDT)
Tony H Blessings and prayers for you Clary!

Saturday October 6, 2007 - 08:03pm (MST)
El Di… Hi clary I hope and pray that your Mom gets better,But I also want you to prepare yourself for the future when she leaves you.I lost both my parents within the last 5 years,My Dad died unexpectedly from Cancer back in 2002 and My Mom fought it for a little while before she to felt to Lung Cancer.I missed them both very much,I knew the time would come sooner or later but just like we are born we will surely die.
I have thought about death alot since I lost them and I ask myseld when will my time come,I really never expected to make it this long but like one dicho says”Yerba mala nunca muere” I know I will surely die also and I’m not so afraid as I thought I would be,I guess sometimes I really want to see what is on the other side.What really preocupies me is what the future holds for my love ones,you know my kids and their kids.will the world get better for them or will it get worst.everything else is irrelevant to me.What is DEATH but another portal we must go thru soone or later.
LOVE YOU MAMI!!

Sunday October 7, 2007 - 08:19pm (CDT)
GG - … I don’t runaway from the reality that this is not our home, according to my faith there is a better place but it’s hard not to think of separation. I thank you for your provoking thoughts and reflections on this topic, they help me more than you know.

Tuesday October 9, 2007 - 08:34am (EDT)

Source of Inspirations

(Originally posted on 2006)

I feel a little nostalgic today. Why do you ask? Because I miss my most influencial source of inspiration, my mom. Here is her picture with me on her last visit a few months ago. She turned 70 last week and what a happy day that was. She has been in and out of the hospital in the last two years but she is finally doing well.

I’ll never forget my last visit to Puerto Rico right after one of her surgeries and the misdiagnosed lymphoma that threw my whole world upside down. You see, my mom is not only my mother, she is my friend and my inspiration. I hope to be all that she is even though I know I come so short of that goal.

She is the one who put me in the path of writing and at 12 or 13 I won a literary award for a biography I did on St. Peter. She also writes but haven’t published anything yet. She is a concern citizen who writes about today’s issues and do so beautifully. I don’t know if she ever have sent any of those letters to the press but they do deserve to be read by all the young people. She sees the wrong in society and offer solutions and it’s always optimistic about the future. As a wife she is an example of holiness and service to her husband, they don’t make wives like that anymore. Now it is all about equality when there is so much beauty in our differences and a way to live a joyful life under a rainbow of characteristics that make men and women unique individuals.

I’m blessed to have this source of inspirations and I’m sure you have yours as well. Treasure them and share them with the world. Let them know how important they have been in your life.

Mom, without you I would not be who I am today. I’m a better person for knowing you and most of all for being loved by you.

Happy Birthday!

Comments:

Awesome and Inspiring! I lost my Mom almost 2 years ago… and we never got to our unfinished buisness. But that aside, she was a wonderful woman and I miss her terribly! You are doing great by her… this blog just proves it more! HUGS!

Tuesday October 3, 2006 - 11:31am (EDT)

Fut Offline They say to achieve greatness, you must first never take anything as second best. Once you only accept the best out of yourself and others, then and only then will you exceed your goals. Forget who said it and doing a quick search on some quote sites doesn’t reveal it either, but I have lived by that goal for the last 2 years one day at a time to overcome addiction. And somehow it works for me.

Tuesday October 3, 2006 - 12:07pm (EDT)

Steve… Offline IM Very well done.. It’s so inspiring to see a child honor the parent..the one who nurtured and gave life.
Thanks

Tuesday October 3, 2006 - 11:25am (CDT)

Archer Offline IM Ms. Clary, Beauty and holiness does not need to be justified; for they themselves are proof of their existance. You and your mother are perfect examples of beauty and holiness combined in one individuality as womanhood in full bloom. I totally agree with you that as wife, today’s ladies don’t make wives like your mother anymore. The example like your mother as a wife are very and scarce.
Happy Birth Day to your Mom. She is a Libra, ruled by planet Venus of Love aesthetics and beauty. And believe me, she really is perfect example.
Take Very Care of Yourself.
Regards,
Shahid.

Wednesday October 4, 2006 - 12:06am (PKT)

Inesta Offline Beautiful! both of you, of course : )

Tuesday October 3, 2006 - 07:57pm (EDT)

cosic… Offline IM This is one of the most beautiful blogs I have ever read. What a wonderful lady your mother is. And what a wonderful daughter you are to tell this story in such a sensitive and loving manner. If the photo is a recent one she looks amazing for 70! WoW! Please convey my warmest wishes to her for continued happiness in her life. How lucky you are to have each other…

[cosicave]

Wednesday October 4, 2006 - 03:40pm (BST)

GG - … Offline Thanks for all your comments, to me is an honor and priveledge to be her daughter. The picture was taken in May of this year, so that is how she looks now. I will convey your good wishes on her birthday, she will be thrilled.

Wednesday October 4, 2006 - 10:54am (EDT)

melvy… Offline IM where will we be without our moms? They were always there when everyone else has deserted us… When we were down and out, mom was there to talk it out and turn us around. Just like your mom, my mom was very supportive even when I have gone astray (of other people’s expectations) and believed in me… that I could realize the dreams of a better future. Hurray for the moms!

Thursday October 5, 2006 - 06:24am (EDT)

ƹllɇṙɏ Offline Buen trabajo! mi Mama escribia versos y me gustaban y escribi mi primer poema a los 10 por inspiracin a ella ya que le escribia cartas desde los 5. Bueno saludos a tu madre y espero que escribas sabiamente por muchos a~nos mas! Ltr

ELLERY

Friday October 6, 2006 - 05:09pm (EDT)

lex Offline IM It was a beautiful relationship between mother and daughter…My best wishes to both of you and Happy Birthday Mom!

Sunday October 8, 2006 - 05:56am (PDT)

archi… Offline IM you are blessed with a terrific mom… you owe it to her. both of you are good example of a healthy mom & daughter relationship. best wishes to your writing career! belated happy birthday Mom!

Tuesday October 10, 2006 - 11:13pm (SGT)

Kaoss Offline Wow, that is so great that you have such a relationship with your mom and that she is so inspirational to you. That is very beautiful for sure.

Saturday October 14, 2006 - 10:57pm (EDT)

Down in my Cell

In the last few weeks more than ever I’ve been looking within in order to find my way. Going down the cell of our soul is a sure way to find what truly matters in life. It’s in our temple where we can see more clearly what it’s right or wrong in our life. Perhaps we’ve lived years of neglect of our spiritual and intellectual needs, only caring for those around us just to find out that at the end all is out of our hands. There is only someone you can change and control and that is you. We try to plan and control every little detail in our life and find ourselves disappointed when it’s not what we hoped for from the start. We have the wrong impression that love and affection is something we look for when in reality it comes to you when you least expect it. We are supposed to love without expecting anything in return but then again we do. We don’t demand love and respect from others we earn it with the way we live and treat others in our life.

Don’t Lose Sight of Your Dreams

I started looking in my computer files to see what I could work with, I had the need to write but didn’t know about what. So I stumbled upon this article and what a coincidence that speaks about dreams. I’m sure God is trying to tell me something. I wanted to share it with you.

DREAMS
A wonderful story for any age…..

The first day of school our professor introduced himself and
challenged us to get to know someone we didn’t already know. I stood
up to look around when a gentle hand touched my shoulder.
I turned around to find a wrinkled, little old lady beaming up at me
with a smile that that lit up her entire being.

She said, “Hi, handsome. My name is Rose. I’m eighty-seven years old.
Can I give you a hug?” I laughed and enthusiastically responded, “Of
course you may!” and she gave me a giant squeeze.

“Why are you in college at such a young, innocent age?” I asked.
She jokingly replied, “I’m here to meet a rich husband, get married,
have a couple of children, and then retire and travel.”

“No seriously,” I asked. I was curious what may have motivated her to
be taking on this challenge at her age.

“I always dreamed of having a college education and now I’m getting
one!” she told me.

After class we walked to the student union building and share a
chocolate milkshake. We became instant friends. Every day for the next
three months we would leave class together and talk nonstop. I was
always mesmerized listening to this “time machine” as she shared her
wisdom and experience with me.

Over the course of the year, Rose became a campus icon and she easily
made friends wherever she went. She loved to dress up and she reveled
in the attention bestowed upon her from the other students. She was
living it up.

At the end of the semester we invited Rose to speak at our football
banquet. I’ll never forget what she taught us. She was introduced and
stepped up to the podium. As she began to deliver her prepared speech,
she dropped her three by five cards on the floor. Frustrated and a
little embarrassed she leaned into the microphone and simply said,
“I’m sorry I’m so jittery. I gave up beer for Lent and this whiskey is
killing me! I’ll never get my speech back in order so let me just tell
you what I know.”

As we laughed she cleared her throat and began: “We do not stop
playing because we are old; we grow old because we stop playing. There
are only four secrets to staying young, being happy, and achieving
success. “You have to laugh and find humor every day. You’ve got to
have a dream. When you lose your dreams, you die. We have so many
people walking around who are dead and don’t even know it!”

“There is a huge difference between growing older and growing up. If
you are nineteen years old and lie in bed for one full year and don’t
do one productive thing, you will turn twenty years old. If I am
eighty-seven years old and stay in bed for a year and never do
anything I will turn eighty-eight. Anybody can grow older. That
doesn’t take any talent or ability. The idea is to grow up by always
finding the opportunity in change.”

“Have no regrets. The elderly usually don’t have regrets for what we
did, but rather for things we did not do. The only people who fear
death are those with regrets.”

She concluded her speech by courageously singing The Rose. She
challenged each of us to study the lyrics and live them out in our
daily lives. At the years end Rose finished the college degree she had
begun all those years ago.

One week after graduation Rose died peacefully in her sleep.
Over two thousand college students attended her funeral in tribute to
the wonderful woman who taught by example that it’s never too late to
be all you can possibly be.

Lessons:
1. You are never too old to learn.
2. Laugh and find humor everyday .
3. Don’t let change overwhelm you, let change help you find
opportunities you may have never seen!

The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of their dreams
– Eleanor Roosevelt

Dream as if you’ll live forever. Live as if you’ll die today.
– James Dean

Advice
Do you have a dream, a wish, then turn it into a goal today - break it
down, take one step, then another and accomplish your dream.
– Catherine Pulsifer

Changes

by Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity - Richness of Life

Life is a constant evolution of whom we are to what we’ll become. Sometimes the changes are guided by what we want and then others by what we are meant to be. The journey could be painful or pleasant, it all depends on the dispossition in which it encounters our interior self.

As we learn and grow from our experiences and most of all learn with the constant changes in our life we become stronger individuals. It is not an easy time for anyone while they are going through the process because it takes time to assimilate that which hit us on the face making us realise that we need to do something different.

Learning to accept the reality that we are fragile even though we want to believe we are strong, that nothing can touch and change who we are, that we should take a different approach to the situation in order to achieve our goals.

Our past experiences play a huge role on the way we perceive who we are and our worth. They way we impact others in our life is the measurement of whom we believe to be at times, but that is not an accurate way of doing so. We can’t control the many factors involved with each individual and especially their state of mind at the time of our interaction with them. To measure ourself according to others preception is the wrong thing to do in most cases. It is by our intention and how faithfully we’ve been to that ideal which measures who we are. Even though we would like a favorable reaction we don’t always get it. We can’t be changing our ways in order to please or to gain anyone’s acceptance because by doing so we betray ourselves and become enslaved. Remaining faithful to who we are will eventually draw the right people and situations into our life.

The Present

To be silent is to face a challenge. I just returned from a silent retreat and I realize that it is so hard for people to remain silent for a long period of time, perhaps because we are used to the sound of our voice, to have our thoughts heard instead of trying to listen for an internal response. We are scared many times of whom we’ll find within us: a complete stranger. We feel uncomfortable to know of our faults and weaknesses and most of all of not knowing how to improve our spiritual life.

Today is my birthday, and it makes me think of what another year of life means to me. I’m thankful for the most for the priviledge to have life and health. I’ve managed to stay afloat among the many challenges which I have faced this past year and I try not to think much about the future. The present is all I have and I must concentrate on that every single day of my life. Fr. Healy reminded us about this reality this weekend, the present is a gift of God to us. Whenever I do the will of God you live in the present and I experience heaven on earth. It is so easy to miss my present by worrying about the past that’s gone or the future which is not here.

I’ve learned not to take anything or anyone for granted and most of all to put my trust in God in good and bad times. By accepting my nothingness before an awesome God and the little control I have over my life I’ve gained peace and tranquility in exchange. The Lord is the one who will direct my steps and direct my life, no one better than him to know what’s best for me. I confess that sometimes I feel like taking the control into my own hands but a massive wall raises before me letting me know that it is not my place to do so.

The Need for Silence

Photography by Clary Lopez Copyright 2006

In a little over a month I will be taking my yearly silent retreat. It is a time I look forward to, however I understand that not many people are used to silence. “Silent retreat? What’s that?” some have asked me. It’s a retreat in which you don’t speak for two and a half days. “Oh my God, how am I going to do that?” Well, I would say by not talking…

I will listen to spiritual talks throughout the day and then reflect on them. Sometimes I walk the grounds you see on this picture. There is plenty to explore and as I walk and listen to the sound of the ground beneath my feet, I feel the heat, cold or breeze on my face. If I’m ambitious enough I can walk a mile and reach the Benedictine Monastery and go into the church or across the street and spend some time at the grotto. The monks get together a few times a day for prayer. I usually take my camera with me and take pictures at the escapes I want to take home with me when I’m far away from this wonderful place.

Silence drives me to dig deep and to hear God’s voice if he wishes to communicate with me. It is rare that I get to this point but first I must create the ideal situation for him to work with my spirit.

Sometimes I just go to my room and read or journal my thoughts and reflections. There is a stillness that you can hardly get anywhere else unless you do this kind of retreat. Life is too busy, too noisy, too fast for this kind of situation to be recreated at home. I try my best to get this periods of times whenever I can and I need to let others know of my intentions. I can’t be listening to radio or TV all day long, I need some down time. Balancing the physical and the spiritual is important to me and I’m sure it is good for everyone, but not everybody understands it. One day they are all stressed out, depressed or with a nervous breakdown and they wonder why. To me is simple, don’t forget to take time for yourself and by yourself. Don’t forget your dreams and passions in life. Take time to laugh and time to cry. Show others how much you love them and care for them. Take care of those who need help. Say something nice to someone you know or to a stranger. It is simple.

One of my mottoes is: “Be silent and speak when necessary.”

Reconciled

Photography by Clary Lopez

Lent marks for me the journey within, a deep reflection of who I am and who I would like to be. I fall short of so many great ideals and I must persevere in this life never losing hope to start fresh one more time.

At Immaculate Conception Church, Jacksonville, FL they still have a confessional, and reconciliation before Mass. I go in after examining my conscience determined to make my peace with God and I get out brand new. Not only that but I also receive special graces to help me do better the next time I face temptation.

I’m going through a lot these days and sometimes feel overwhelmed. When I feel I can’t take it no more I looked up to the crucifix, that’s love. Then I realise that what I’m going through is nothing compared to that sacrifice.

One thing I learn during this season is to keep my eyes off myself and on Jesus. I am not accustomed to that but by making a decision to sacrifice something during this time it helps me to get the most out of it. To get rid of bad habits, bad aptitudes, bad influences, selfishness, apathy, laziness and many other things that keeps me from being what God intended me to be.

As I begin this journey I hope, that like years before, it strenghtens me spiritually in order to complete my earthly mission.

Dreams, where do they lead us?

Dreams are part of our life and some people claim that they have a purpose and meaning and we should act upon them. When I have a dream I immediately think about it and try to relate it to anything that has happened to me or try to understand if it’s trying to send me a a message.

In the Bible we read about how St. Joseph receives messages from God by an angel in a dream and he acts upon them. I believe that God still communicates with us through dreams.

I have been preparing to part from one of my loved ones for months now, the agony was unbearable at times and the closer the moment got the worst I was getting. I prayed daily for strength and acceptance, but it wasn’t until I had a vivid dream with my late grandmother Julia that I felt calm. The heaviness of my heart disappeared and I began to pray “Your strength Lord, not mine.” My grandmother went through a similar experience and I know that she provided me with her strength. The were no words exchanged in my dream, just her face before me as real as in life, that’s all I needed.

Perhaps you have other experiences with dreams that would like to share here with me.

For now I’m thankful for the gift of dreams in order to somehow connect with whoever or whatever the Lord wants to communicate to me.