Not Knowing What to Do

The most difficult thing about dealing with unfamiliar terrain is not knowing what to do. In life we come up to different stages where we need to adjust and change our usual course; health, work, age, financial set backs all have an effect in our daily making decision process. It is not easy to go from the familiar to the unknown.

Anticipation to me is the worst of the emotions in situations when our life is about to change in some respect. A thousand different scenarios runs through our minds and we feel weakened by it. When the moment arrives is not as dramatic as we thought it might be, and at the same time we aren’t as weak as we thought either. We can withstand the blows that life throws at us and even if we fall we can always get up. But it is that moment of indecision that wears us down to the point of exhaustation.

The Quest for an Authentic Life

I found a little gem of a book called Beachcombing at Miramar; The Quest for an Authentic Life, it didn’t take me long to read it and soon after I found myself re-reading again. Today I took it from the bookshelf, this time is completely highlighted and I just thumbed through some key passages. “Once we possess another creature, we alter forever the inherent nature of that creature.” The only person we truly possess is ourself, it is our duty to know, develop and share our nature with others.

In my life trajectory so far I have been a daughter, a friend, a girlfriend, a wife, and a mother. Some of these relationships put me on a rite of passage; a life transition. Transitions are never easy, it involves recreating and shedding parts of our former life in order to make room for the new and that can be painful at times. It’s a renewal of the mind, an awakening of the soul. I would say that among all the different transitions one of the most important is the one we go through to live an authentic life. Life is not worth living if we are not living our truth, we become truly lifeless.

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Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity, Richness of Life

Getting to Know Me

“They don’t know me at all” , I’ve heard this so many times.

We all need to be known and acknowledge, it is a way of validating who we are, but many times others don’t get to know the real us to begin with. Thinking about this fact I began to think the reasons why this happens and realized that whenever I fail to put effort in getting to know someone, they also fail to know me. It is our interest for other individuals that put us at ease to reveal who we truly are and it shows with more than words, the true essence of our spirit. When we open ourselves to receive someone they also tend to open up to give in response, and in that interchange that we get to know each other.

When dealing with people who had drama or bad experiences in life we need to be careful not to be righteous and judgemental, the person will completely close the line of communications if we do. Fear of yet another rejection or disregard is their defense mechanism in order to survive. By looking at their strengths and not their weakness we can help them rise above our expectations, but it really shouldn’t be about what we want FROM them but what we want FOR them. I can tell you by experience that whenever I think of them and not me I get so much more in return; physically, mentally and spiritually.

So here is the concept; if you want people to know you, take the time to get to know them. Trust is what open ourselves to another. We can’t gain trust if we don’t learn how to embrace someone else first.

Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity, Richness of Life

The “I Need a Friend” Project

How many times have you found yourself in a difficult situation with nobody to turn to?

Then you might be interested in participating on this project called
“I Need a Friend”

Find out how to participate and get the support and help you need from people who are willing to share their advice and personal knowledge with others in need. Our physical, emotional and spiritual health depends on how well we process our daily experiences and how we face challenges and problems in our life. Don’t wait another day. Talk to a friend.

Straight to the Heart

The idea is to write it so that people hear it and it slides through the brain and goes straight to the heart. –Maya Angelou

Way before we can touch anyone’s heart we need to be able to touch our own, buried many times under life everyday pressures, responsabilities, goals and dreams. Taking time everyday to see where you are; physically, mentally and spiritually is important in order to mantain a balance. I know by experience how life can get far away from our intended vision, we drift to so many activities that has nothing to do with the path we wanted to travel that sometimes we find ourselves lost. As a woman we many times tend to give way more than we receive and then we forget to nurture ourselves in order not to let our well run dry. It is a difficult task to keep ourselves in the picture of our life and yet if we don’t it comes a point when we feel we have ceased to exist. Yes, we are here physically but our essence, our uniqueness, our gifts and talents have been pushed to the side in order to provide support and nourishment to the inmediate need at hand.

Perhaps that is what we are called to do at a certain stage of our life but then comes a time for things to come. Coming to terms to the realization is not easy for many people, especially to those around us, who only see it as a threat to their “balance” in life.

I guess the soul is not content until it is able to do what it was created to accomplish to begin with. There is a nagging sensation to move on and complete its mission.To become what it is on its own and then be shared with those we love. To be free to move around and do its work. Ultimately to be cherished and appreciated for what it is and not for what we pretend it to be.

Have you noticed how different dead people look from when they were alive? Their soul departs from the body and changes its complete outlook. I believe that to a point the same happen to us when we hindred our soul in any way. The more we suppress its nature and block its work the more it shows on the outside. My grandmother was a different person while my granfather was alive, she kept the necessary balance and peace by restraining her very soul, I believe. When he passed away she blossomed into a new creature, one I didn’t know. I was able to talk to her more and she was free to speak her mind. She even looked younger and lived many years enjoying her kids, grankids and great-grandkids. I called her the travelling grandma because every six months she was off somewhere to meet extended family members. I used to call and write to her frequently and let her know how much I loved her. One thing she never did was complain about any physical illness even if she had it, only my aunt who lived with her would know about it but only when it got too hard for her to handle.

I’m reaching deep within right now, hoping to have something to offer those around me. I want it to be pure, sincere and full of emotion. It will be the only way to let the grace flow and let a beautiful transformation take place. I’ve done as much as I can for now but there are new tasks, new goals, new vision and the great call to my personal mission whatever that might be. I know in time it will be revealed to me and only then I will be able to go straight to the heart.

A Sure Way to Grow

“Our trials, our sorrows, and our grieves develop us.” –Orison Sweet Marden

I remember a time when I wanted to be older, I envisioned it to be my ticket to freedom in order to do what I wanted to do, finally! How ironic, as time went by I realized that freedom is not to be able to do what I want to do but what I ought to do. Sometimes we ignore what we need to do in order to fulfill our earthly mission but we are soon reminded in the most uncomfortable ways; trials, sorrows, grief, sickness, etc. Unless we are shaken we would never stop to look deep within in order to find answers to our challenges. Most of us like to enjoy life without having to deal with pain and sorrow but it is in that pain and sorrow that our true self is revealed maybe for the first time even to us. In most cases is not a pretty picture, it is our being torned by past experiences, wounded, weak, sensitive to the most minimal criticism from those around us. It is not who we want to be or who we are at the moment but somehow others can’t forget our past.

As we enter dark moments in our life we are forced to be guided by others things other than our regular vision. Our emotions, our instincts, our faith and our soul needs to come into play in order to find a way out of our immediate misery. Accustomed to live on the flesh disregarding the soul will make this experience difficult. Trying to get away from the dark quick will also produce painful sensations since our whole being is calling us to experience and change at a certain level before we step away from it transformed. Like I mentioned before changes are not easy to make specially when we are uncertained of the outcome, that’s where faith comes in. Trusting that our trial has a reason for being and a purpose for our life and well being.

Truth has a way to make itself known. Inner peace is only achieved through a balance within, it is the satisfaction to know that our intention and our purpose is fully aligned to our individual persona. We can’t live our life under someone’s goals, values and intentions. Personal growth is an individual process calling us to put everything and everyone aside in order to be true to our self and our destiny. Failing to become individuals we slowly extinguished the very light we are called to let shine for the world to see. If we cover it, nobody will know it existed. One of the most painful experiences is to know that we are unknown to those around us, they are quick to see our faults and not our virtues. Another painful experience is to have hidden our individuality so well from those around us -in order not to disturb their life- than when it finally emerges it is rejected and their love and support is withdrawn from us.

I wonder what life would be if we decide to stay forever in our dark night just to keep the peace of those around us while the war continues inside of us. I don’t believe is possible to deny what it clamors for; transformation. To negate to go beyond what we know for sure is only denying the great possibilities God has in store for us.

Powerful Emotions

How many times in your life how you felt powerless over an emotion? Emotions stir us in many different directions, there are positive as well as negative emotions. The ones I want to explore here are the ones that keep us from moving forward, the ones that paralizes and make us hurt inside.

Fear is the most common emotion, creates a disturbance in the balance of our life, it causes pain and sometimes powerlesness. When we are faced with the unknown the most logical reaction is fear, stepping out in faith trusting our instincts is not easy to do. Sometimes our actions are linked to people around us and the fact that there is a possibility that we might make the wrong decision paralizes us. At times we will have someone waiting for us to make a decision on what our next step will be putting even more pressure on us. I personally don’t like to make sudden decisions because I know by experience that they are not the best ones to make since by not having enough time to think things through a wrong decision is very easy to make. Then I will have to live with the consequences for many years to come. I guess the best thing to do is look at the present circumstance under a truthful light with the help of a friend or therapist and see if there is a possibility to make it better. But it all ultimately depends on the willingness of our heart to get involved in the process which can be lengthy and painful.

There is no easy way to embark into the unknown and yet we sometimes are forced to do it. It is like wanting to learn to swim, we are scared to death to sink but if we don’t let go of the ledge and start our struggle we will never learn how to do it. After much trial and error and only when we relax as we go into the water is when we manage to stay afloat and then we can begin to enjoy the freedom to go into much deeper waters without the fear of drowning in the process. I guess it is the same in life, the more we fight a situation to be different the worst it is to keep it under our control. If you get too tense while in the water you’ll sink like a rock to the bottom. In order to enjoy the waves you first need to dive in and one by one face the waves that come your way until you find the one with the right rythm to carry you for a short while. Nothing is perfect and learning to wait for the right time is crucial for many of our life’s decisions.

Fear springs from the notion that what we want or need to do at any given moment might not be understood or accepted by those who are important in our life. At the same time it might be something that its crucial for our mental and emotional well being. Ignoring the fact that some things need to change in our life will not make our life better, only easier for those around us because we won’t inconvenience their comfort. In time that comfort will not exist because we are part of the equation and when we are not satisfied with our life neither will they.

So how do we get rid of fears? By facing them at the right moment. By trusting that our innate instincts are calling us to move on to a different level and to hope that we ultimately cross over to the unknown dressed with power and self respect for who we are as individuals fulfilling our personal calling in life.

You can’t give what you don’t have!

“If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you won’t be very good at loving any one else.” This is how an article on BAW begins and it is so true.

In life and in love we many times think that our life is difficult because we can’t get what we need when in reality it is us who need to give ourselves what we need first and then give that to someone else. Unless we are able to give and take, our life slowly becomes one of the most difficult things to manage as the times goes by.

Our bad and good experiences opens or closes our heart to others depending on our reaction. We need to understand that most of the time when we have a bad experience it is not because we haven’t give it our all, it is because the other person perhaps didn’t know how to accept what was given to them. On the other hand sometimes we can’t give our all because the other person is not completely opened to our sensitivities, they love us but at the same time they keep reminding us of how short we come to meet “their standards.” And yet there are other times in which we are so amazed at what is offered to us that we feel unworthy and run away from it.

We are who we are, not what we have done, nobody is perfect and is best to keep on looking for ways to live better today than we have in the past. As we look to develop new relationships and renew old ones we should be clear about who we are and show them. They should accept us for who we are. At this point in my life nothing less will do.

If you want to read a step by step of what you should do to insure you love yourself first, go here. It’s not as hard as it seems, it just requires time and attention to whom deserves it the most, YOU.

The Way We Love Them

To be the parent of a teenage son with a girlfriend is not an easy task. Loving and protecting becomes a mighty quest. Communication doesn’t seem to get through and you are constantly afraid it will too late before he realizes the consequences of his actions. Moms and dads have different tasks in the situation (love and toughness) in order to create a balance. Our experience handling situations like these are limited to our own experiences which are not necessarily situations present today. How to reconcile our wave of thoughts to theirs is not easy, putting ourselves in their place many times inconcievable.

I don’t accept this new way of young relationships, they tend to be way too intense for their age. In the past there was more respect for authority and more control over the time spent together. These days kids want to almost live together once they start dating. I’ve heard of boyfriends controlling girlfriends in ways that can become abusive in the future, parents must warn young people of these signs early on. The sad reality is that they don’t listen most of the time after they are emotionally involved.

How do I show my love for them? By caring, by talking, by paying close attention to what they do with their time together, by punishing if necessary, by taking away priviledges, by creating boundaries.

Changing Circumstances

I guess there is a moment in everyone’s life when you realize that things will never be the same. Life has set its motion and there is no stopping the circumstances that will impact the very core of who you are and what you’ll become in the time to follow.

This is the first time I’ve been in my parent’s home by myself; both are in the hospital at the moment. The house seems so empty without them and I can’t express the way I feel right now. I know life will be changing in the near future and I’m not sure if I will be ready for it, perhaps this is a way to ease me into my new reality. This is where I belong at the moment and I intend to do the most I can for them while I’m here.

I like routine and the ability to know what comes next in many aspects of my life, however the element of surprise is also needed in everyone’s life in order to keep the hope that things might not always be the same. As we move through life we learn to roll with the punches if we will and learn from each and every challenge that comes our way; at least that is the ideal way to get the most out of life.

I’m not sure what I’m trying to say here, all I know is that I don’t feel quiet the same and the incertitude sometimes is agonizing but I know I’m not alone and that something good is always at the end of a difficult journey. Every new experience adds a new color, light or shade on the canvas that displays our life journey, it takes time to finish the painting but at the end all the different effects are combined to let us see the picture in its entirety and it serves as a testimony of our own existence. All the joys, sorrows, tears and trials add up to a fully lived life along with all the other lives we managed to touch along the way. It’s like leaving tiny footprints on the world as a testimony of our existence. No other reality is more vivid that the one we leave imprinted in the minds of others as we move along the path towards our final destiny.

What are your changing circumstances, how do you handle it and what have you gotten out of it?