What is and What Will Be

It was a long time coming, a time of big changes and transformation. From the familiar to the unknown and to bringing out the best I have to offer. It is not at all what I envisioned and yet I somehow expected it. I am letting myself be guided instead of steering the way I want to go, to stay in the same place doing what is familiar is the easiest thing to do but not what I am meant to do at this moment. The time is now and the door is open, I will walk through it and leave behind the previous comforts that cost me so much. I was excited at the beginning and then I stopped for a while and though about how my life will change, how I would lose some of the comforts and freedom I have enjoyed for so long but it is time, and I feel deep in my soul it comes from above. I must trust that God knows what is best at this time and moments of my life and learn not to question his ways.

I used to be impulsive and quick to act even after huge mistakes but now I have learned to stop and try to analyze what went wrong and wait for a sign before I move in a certain direction. This time I don’t want to shut myself, to fear or mistrust anything or anyone who is around me. Those who lost my trust will have to gain it back and time will tell if that is possible. I will no refuge myself on anyone but God and I won’t blame me for someone else actions. Nothing happens isolated from those who are part of my life but I can’t blame me for something I did not make a decision on.

Circumstances have changed the terrain I now walk on, what was smooth is fragmented and rocky but I must continue my journey and the destiny that only God knows at this time. It has not been revealed to me yet but I walk in faith and know that it time it will be, and it will be good because it is not of a design from my own fashion. I am not putting any strings, I am not expecting anything. In time it will be revealed to me. I feel at peace on that thought as I pushed aside my own agenda, my plans and what I thought was the ideal situation.

What is and what will be; there is hope, there is always hope when I wait and trust in God’s plan. I will be patient and will accept what he has in stored for me.

A Message from Above

I know how easy it could be to go through life without hearing God talk to us not even once, but then again it could be that we are not aware of it or even listening.

I have been crying out to God, to step in, to show up, to provide me with what I so desperately need right now, I don’t have it, he does and unless he pour it into me it will never be there.

Today is Pentecost Sunday, I dressed in red without even thinking about it and went to church. I carry with me a little book that helps me pray and meditate whenever the Spirit moves me, so I sat on the pew, knelt for a few minutes and then pulled out my little book. As I read I gasped for air; it was him, he was talking to me through the message I was reading. I felt his presence, his embrace, his pain for my pain and my eyes welled with tears, I could hardly see the words that were consoling me. My heart started pounding harder as I said, “oh God, oh God” and continued to try to hold back my tears. He is always there when I need him, no matter how long ago was the last time he revealed himself to me through whatever means he could use to touch me and let me know he was there, I am never alone. I ran to the restroom to get napkins since today for the first time I did not have my handkerchief, tears bathe my face. I don’t like to be dramatic, I wish I could just bury everything inside but all burst out like a volcano when I least expect it. I can’t hide my emotions. After that sweet embrace with God I felt calm come over me and then he provided me with even more with Bible scriptures and finally with the priest’s words. After the encounter my body felt weak and at times I was dizzy but nonetheless I was fed and strengthen to know he was there with me and that he no longer remained silent while I was looking for him so desperately.

I wish everyone has the chance to have the same experience, perhaps you have but if you haven’t be open and alert. Don’t expect to hear his voice but listen to the voices, music, sounds, words, anything that surrounds you. He uses so many things and people to let us know he is there and yet many don’t even know it. I wish I could explain this better for you but when you hear him you will know what I am talking about. Yield, be silent, pray, stop trying to have control and you will see what happens.

Today I can breathe a little bit more and it is because of him, because he is lifting some of the weight off my heart for a little bit. I hope that while I have this time that he also give me the wisdom to know what I should do next and gives me the courage to face what will be befall me. That is all I ask.

HAPPY PENTECOST DAY!!

Never Let Go

I don’t believe in coincidences, there is so much heavenly assistance around, specially in times in trials. I am so out of tune sometimes but as the trials get harder so does my senses and intuition. I still don’t know exactly what to do, but The Guardian movie grabbed me and the the words “Never let go” echo in my mind. The storms come crashing in threatening all, at times it ceases and then it hits with fury once more. What stood firm in time began to grow weak and faced with giant waves it now seems to be at risk. Where is that fine line between letting and not letting go? Is it in our mind, heart or soul? Perhaps it is in all three.

I am trying really hard not to make and undo able mistake. I look for a point of reference and can’t find any, perhaps I am called to create it. What kind of message am I to give myself, my children, the world? Unrelenting love, values and the undeniable acceptance of human weakness. A tug of war of emotions, memories, hopes and dreams. It all slips away or does it? Never let go; of all that gives meaning and purpose in life, of the fundamental values that shape my existence, of what helps move from the ordinary to the extraordinary. “No gall, no glory.” Fr. Corapi says this a lot. We are on battle ground and only the strong will survive. A lot of times our body has nothing to do with that, our mind and heart does, that is from where all strength spring forth and they push us to go on. And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. Romans 12:2. The battle is on and as the time goes on I wonder how much longer it will be before it ceases and who will ultimately be the victor.

River of Life

That is where I need to be today, at the river of life. I will go to Jesus himself at Mass and when I receive Him he will be one with me, giving the strength to go on and guiding me to walk unto the path He has chosen for me.

Always Tested

Today I got the title for this post from a comment I received. It is true, we are always tested. The last six months has been very hard for me and perhaps that is why you come here and find nothing new written. I am submerged in trials, emotions, worries and disillusion. It is life, and the result of many decisions, good and bad, I and others have made in our life. It is a maze in which we struggle to find our way and hope to emerged alive. I was overwhelmed with pain and emotions yesterday and my first thought was to talk to my mother, she is always eager to listen and guide me in difficult moments. Then it was to a dear friend and I asked her to have lunch with me in order to talk to her for a while, she is always able to counsel me and make me think about the possible results of my decisions, decisions that I sometimes want to act upon in moments when my mind is not completely clear. I guess many of us do that sometimes, we want to react in a moment of great emotion and if we do most of the time we regret it. By now I have learned to reach out to others before I do and that has minimized the bad outcomes. Anyway, on my way to have lunch with my friend a million thoughts and emotions raced through my mind and body, I should have not been behind the wheel to tell you the truth. I was not completely aware of everything that was going around me and I didn’t remember seeing the exit I needed to take right off the interstate, it must have been at least 3 miles. I got off in the next exit and realized that I was not on the right road, I called her and effectively I had passed the exit and I told her the last exit I remembered seeing, that scared me. I was tempted to go home without seeing her because I was scared I would get into an accident trying to get to her, my mind was not all there, but I was not too far and she convinced me to go on. Being with her and her sister gave me the support and strength to take my next step, God bless them for that.

Today I need to do couple more things and I have to admit that I am scared, I hate confrontation but I need to do this in order to defend and protect my territory, nobody is going to invade and take over without a good fight. We all have our difficult moments and challenges but love moves us to create ways to sustain, feed and survive our problems and situations. I see now how many people can get tired and discouraged and don’t see the light at the end of the tunnel, sometimes I don’t either. In my darkness I cry out for help, physical and spiritual, and if I manage not to runaway I always find my way. I am not sure what kind of answers I am going to get as I move along the path before me, but whatever it is I will face it and try to make the best of it. At the end I will look back and whatever the circumstances or results and I will be able to find something positive about it because God always brings forth something good from all the ordeals, challenges and tragedies in my life, that is my consolation.

Hope – What we need most

It is the topic of the moment, it is what we need the most today. Life has become a roll-a-coaster for many people; high emotions, uncertainty, pressures and worries but we can’t surrender to it all the time or we will no survive.

To me personally it becomes a time when I begin to be tense and hate not be able to control many factors in my life but what helps me is to lift the focus on myself and see who can I help instead. I am so much better at looking outside my situations and looking for solutions or new ideas. This is the time to call on our inner core and let that show us what it is we are supposed to be doing. It is always about what can we do for others instead for ourselves. When we think of others and serve them we are rewarded in return.

I have been trying to help someone for the last two weeks with no success, if the person can’t make an effort and find a way to communicate with me there is not much I can do even if I wanted to. So I decided to share here some of the things I reflected upon in order to come up with some ideas to recreate one’s life in order to survive these times.

Many of us have been displaced from what we were used to do and provide for our families; some have lost their jobs, quit, got sick, divorced or have lost what you worked so hard for. It all feels like a nightmare and in a good effort we are trying to go on doing what we have done for so many years but that is not what we should do. Times have changed and because of it we are called to change as well.

This is the time to sit down and reevaluate who we are, what we stand for, our skills and education and most of all our mission. I know many of us have never done anything like it but perhaps all of this was meant to take us to where we were meant to be or do to begin with. It is a wake up call. Now, go with me for a minute. Think about it. What are you good at? Now think about others and how they can use your help and experience. I assure you that the moment you start looking to find what is needed and how you can offer it to them according to your gifts, talents, education and experience you soon will be creating new ways to generate income. The big majority of people have been accustomed to be told what to do and then get paid for it, we have spent a lifetime working for someone else dreams. Our creative spirit has not seen the light of day in a very long time but it is there. Dig in deep, pray if you have to, take long walks, talk to those who know you best, ask them what they see in you and what they think your talents are if you don’t know. Think that anything is possible and that you will never know for sure until you try.

Change is hard for some people, and the longer we persist to continue doing what we have done just the way it has always been done, the harder it will be to emerge triumphant onto the other side. This is the time to navigate waters we have never explored before and discover new territories, it could be the very thing that will let us see a new dawn. So I will suggest to look within and then outside ourself, find ways to serve, join other like minded individuals that can help us, form forces to work towards a common goal, don’t isolate, none of this is our fault, there is something better we should be doing and the world is waiting for each and everyone of us to do our part. Most of all, let’s not lose Hope.

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Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity, Richness of Life

Happy Easter

Happy Easter to all my Christians friends. Last night I went to Easter Vigil Mass and it was an experience. For one it was a trilingual Mass (English, Spanish, Creole) and we received seven more members into the fullness of our faith. The rituals brings all of this to life (Baptism, Confirmation and First Holy Communion), it is a reminder of our own commitments. It is a joy to emerge from Lent into the Joy of Jesus Resurrection.

Today I will be cooking a special meal which was blessed at the church yesterday and with it enjoy the richness of gifts the Lord has bestowed upon us. It is hard for me to not have Josh with us but it is the way things are and will continue to be for a while. My son Erek served last night and it might be his last service during an Easter celebration since he also will be beginning on a new path in his life. I can not help but to feel a little sad as I see my work done but at the same time I feel proud that I have survived this stage of my life. There will be many more stages I need to experience and with it new joys and new challenges. Sometimes I feel I want to hang on to each moment like it is the last, and it is. But just like Jesus died, was buried and now is risen from the dead so are we to die to so many things that don’t let us be transformed into a new life in him.

May you have a blessed Easter with your family and friends. May we one day be united to him.
Alleluia!!!

On a Mission

USS Boxer, Picture by the Associated Press

Yesterday was the remembrance of the Lord’s Passion and Death, as I sat on the pew and listened to the account I couldn’t help it but to be moved to tears. As I went forward to venerate the cross I remembered that it was thanks to a cross that we were set free. Too many it seems madness but to God it is a blessing. Jesus accomplished his mission through suffering and sacrifice and that is how many times we also accomplish our own mission on earth.

Last night, as I scanned online for news on the hostage situation off Somalia I found out that the USS Boxer is on its way to help in the situation, that is the ship my son is in. I received his last message earlier yesterday. So we came together as a family to pray the Rosary for his safety and the safety of all involved so that it is resolved in a peaceful manner. The anguish makes me restless but at the same time there is a peace and consolation in my heart. I remembered the medals I gave to him before he left to California, blessed by our parish priest to protect him, which he has on the chain that holds his dog tags. I also remember how every Sunday our brothers and sisters at church assure us of his prayers for him. We are all together in this mission, whatever that might be for any of us in our different walks in life. This is our earthly mission as members of the militant church.

My life long learning of my faith comes to life one more time, now I pull out the “weapons” provided to us in order to help and intercede in this situation and I trust that joining forces with many others our actions and prayers will bear fruit. If you believe this I would humbly ask you to join me as well.

Tomorrow we will celebrating Jesus triumph over death on a cross and with it the certainty that we took can raise with him. We took can triumph over our present situations, our hardships, challenges, and trials. We are on a mission for ourselves and one another.

Wishing you and your families a blessed and happy Easter.

Book Launch Preparation

As the time draws near to the moment I have worked so hard for, I can not help but to also feel anxious.

I pray that my next book, Moonlit Walks, offers my readers a reason for hope in these difficult times when it is hard to look for that positive glimpse in our daily circumstances. It is the only way to move on and let our life be transformed into what is meant to be.

I don’t offer solutions to individual situations but one thing I can do is to share with you my journey in order to inspire others to begin their very own journey. In the same way that I offered in Simplicity, Richness of Life, my experiences on raising a family and learning to live simpler in order to do what matters in my life, on Moonlit Walks I will explore many other topics that I deemed worthy to reflect upon and explore. It is the only way I know how to navigate my life and the turmoils it sometimes accompanies it, one that perhaps will help others to do the same in their own unique way until they too find themselves in come waters.

Life is not easy sometimes but it becomes bearable when we share it with those around us. I believe that is why many of us are having a hard time today, we have disconnected ourselves from each other in pursuit of our own dreams. We have lost the sense that family, friendship and community is what makes us prosper in the long run, not merely individuality. We treasure who we are, yes, but never forgetting that we are also called to share ourselves with others. It is a way to enrich life and to make it more meaningful. It is to give it reason for its existence.

Stay tuned for the announcement on the launch of Moonlit Walks, I will try to make it as memorable as the moments that inspired it.

State of Mind

Today I have been reading a book about tough times, then I am compelled to come here and read back on some of the entries I made a few days ago. I am looking for signs, for a reason to hold on, for a glimpse at words that I am sure did not come from me but were inspired to help others -including me- to move along to trust and hope. A lot of my writing comes from the time I take to listen to others, from prayers and quiet moments I spend in meditation and recollection. Today it is me who needs that consolation, that hope that everything will be alright, that even though many things do not feel right I will find a find a way to make it better.

I can not lose hope on a future that awaits me, a future that with its uncertainty is making me feel uneasy. Perhaps you have felt like that many times and maybe you would like to share the way you feel or felt at those moments.

My strength is being tested beyond measure it seems at times, and then come the developments of virtues I never had but need. It is a painful and difficult crucible and I must go forward until I come to the end.