Standing Tall

Nobody said we need to be work shipped, honored, or adored but one thing I believe we all need to be is respected. Respected for who we are, what we hold dear and most of all respected as a human being. Everyone is entitled to that because we were created in the image of God.

When someone is disrespected normally they look for some way of retaliation and in that process they may even hurt those associated with them in order to cause even more damage. I don’t believe such behavior should go unpunished. Anyone who willfully look for ways to hurt others must be ready for the same. How could anyone in their right mind complain about the effects of a bad action without looking at how they whole thing started? With them. Now, I am not saying that I haven’t done any bad things in my life but I have tried not to do them intentionally.

Revenge is a strong word and one I don’t like to be associated with but many actions could be called revenge. Now, what I do believe in is in standing tall in the face of insults, humiliation and hurt. There comes a time when I need to stand firm on my ground and let others know that is not okay to disrespect me in any way, shape or form. Sometimes the measures that need to be taken in order for them to listen are drastic but the main thing is that they are crystal clear to the individual. If possible I would not like to remind them of the boundaries set forth in the discussion but I would not hesitate to do so if necessary. This is my modus operandi right now and it will continue to be. Passive no more.

What do you do to stand tall?

Expectations

Today I woke up with this in mind, expectations. I don’t want to have any, and I want to navigate my day according to the waves I encounter along the way. I did a search on the topic on my blog because I knew I wrote about this before and what I wrote still resonates today.

Here it is one more time, tell me what you think about expectations and the best way you go about it in your life. I wish you an unexpected wonderful day!!

http://clary.wordpress.com/2008/04/17/expectations-2/

Esoteric Realms

I yearn for silence, for solitude, for those moments when my mind is detached in such a way that is able to fly and go places I have never being and I understand in ways it was impossible before. It is a ray of light illuminating my mind, my heart and soul and then the thoughts, emotions, and words are free to flow easily. It hasn’t been the case for a long time now, I lost track of time in the middle of turmoil, noise and pain. I need to get it back somehow. I’m coming back to the original place where all seem to be so right and creativity flourished almost effortlessly. It is never in total isolation but in the sharing of like minds and thoughts that somehow sustain and inspire to create even more. It is to find that connection of the seen and unseen that completes the picture many times. I am not sure who would understand, perhaps only those who have experience or yearn to experience the same. I don’t believe it is a unique gift but it is something few touch upon because those few are the ones with enough courage to claim the space they need to experience it. It is not easy sometimes, especially when there are so many other things out of control and most of the time we want to control them. In the end the one who suffer is the one with their wings tied up.

Words are like the air I breathe, without them flowing I feel like dying. There are integral to my well being and my health, it is not good to bottle up emotions, anger and hate. A volcano can not be contained. I am afraid that is what I have done as the tremors shook deep within loosing up the soil and fragmenting what used to be solid. It is new terrain, one that I am sure in time can be even better than it was. Dreaming gives hope and refreshes the soul, it is something to look forward to even though we don’t know the way. It is taking one step at a time expecting to succeed. Not everything fall on a straight line, and everything that does not works out fine all the time, the more delightful rides sometimes are the ones on a scenic route even though it takes longer. I can’t keep starring at the many curves, turns and crossroads while I miss the view around me. I need to stop and walk slowly in order not to miss the details of what is trying to touch me and transform me.

I see an open gate, a cool fresh dawn before me and a inspiring breeze letting me know I am still alive. I close my physical eyes and open my inner vision, then I breathe in. The tension goes away and rushing through comes my long forgotten friend, inspiration. Where has it been? Why it took so long? Why did I let it go? Who said I could control my fate, or what others decide to do in the end? Who said I would never get hurt again? It was a really good try, a good run, one I thought I won but found myself instead with an empty shell. There is an ideal but never an absolute, there is always a way to find the way.

Holding It In

For the longest time we have been trained to hold things up. Living in a society demands that sometimes we don’t speak of certain topics or opinions. When it comes to relationships it is pretty much the same but one thing I know is that no communication=no relationship. Holding in opinions, emotions, hurt, ideas, disagreements, etc takes a toll on anyone. There is a fine line between being honest and rude, between expressing our frustration and insulting someone in the process. At times is best to just walk away. Words can’t never be taken back but not because of it we are to be so afraid to utter them, in some occasions they are essential to help resolve a situation.

Holding things in for too long only leads to an imminent explosion and out of control situation. There is only so much we all can take and for our own emotional and health we need to learn to release from time to time.

What is your experience with holding it in? Have you learned ways to release in order not to create too much pressure that will provoke an “explosion”?

Issues on Forgiveness

Yesterday I listened on the radio about this man who got hurt by someone he loved, not physically but emotionally. In his effort to forgive he wondered what he should do to prevent it from happening again. The answer, even though very logical and true, made me think of my own actions in trying to control and protect myself from the same thing happening again. There are many things we can do to try to prevent a situation but we can’t stop anyone from doing what they want to do, it is their decision, and no matter how many barriers and obstacles we put on their way, if they want to do something they would find a way to do it anyway.

It is nerve racking to stay put and to wait for what could happen, it is difficult to stay and act like nothing happened, it is hard to think that you might have to go through it all over again. To forgive is not for the faint of heart, it is one of the most difficult things to do. I guess we try because we know that we are not perfect either and that in many occasions forgiveness has been given to us as well, especially from God. To forgive and forget is divine, no doubt, it is not in our nature. It is a fierce struggle to make it work and to break loose. It is a storm of emotions.

How do you feel about it? What is your experience with forgiveness?

Pertubations of Love

“The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell.” — C.S. Lewis

I read this post “Safe from love and hurt” and it immediately captured my attention. What are we to do in the face of love?

When we live protecting our heart from love and hurt we quickly create our own little Hell on earth. We live in it and try to distract ourselves with a million other things just not to feel the empty spot that love should occupy.

“I believe that the most lawless and inordinate loves are less contrary to God’s will than a self-invited and self-protective lovelessness…” C.S. Lewis

By not allowing love into our life we reject the possibility to be transformed by the actions and self-giving sacrifices love entails. Most of all we prevent true joy and happiness to enter into our life.

The Delicate Matter of Trust

“We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.”
Walter Anderson

Walter Anderson is absolutely right, trust is a delicate matter and one that holds all the possibilities or impossibilities when we think about the many facets of our life. Trust is the base to good relationships, business deals and future endeavors. It takes a leap of faith to open our heart to another human being.
Trust is something that is intricately related to our experiences; if we had good experiences when we trust people we tend to be trusting, if we have been betrayed it doesn’t come as easy.

I remember the first time I was betrayed, it was by my best friend. She started dating this guy who did not like me and as the relationship progressed he asked her to give up our friendship or him. She chose him. That experienced left me forever wounded. She was later dumped by the guy and came back to me, I forgave her but I never had the same relationship with her again. Up to this day it takes time for me to trust someone with my friendship even though I am learning not to expect the worst anymore. Now, unlike many years ago when it took me years to open myself to someone else, I offer my friendship to a few selected people and let it evolve. I am happy to say that I have a few loyal and sincere friendships and they help me and encourage me in more ways than one in whatever I want to accomplish in my life.

My trust has been betrayed in many different ways and by different people, and with each experience something very delicate inside me changes and that cast a whole new dimension to my present and future relationships. I am not sure if that is the right thing to do or if I should move on from those relationships and hold on to my integrity. I have to try very hard not to carry my issues of doubts and mistrust onto others who have nothing to do with it, but I guess it is an auto-defense mechanism. I also realize that at times I also have caused someone else not to trust me, so this topic goes both ways I guess. I believe that the best way to avoid this situation is to remain true to myself and present that to others, not trying to be what someone else wants me to be. The moment I try to please others in my life is the moment I start letting go of my innate being, there is no way I can live all my life like that and be happy.

There is no easy way to deal with these problems with trust and betrayal and like anything that I experienced I know I can learn something valuable from each challenge. I guess each person views it in a different light and act differently on the same situation but because they deal differently doesn’t mean I have do deal with it in the same way. I am entitled to deal with my situations with my own criteria and remain faithful to myself most of all, if I am going to betray myself in the process then there is really no hope for me or my future. I have heard so many times that we show others how to treat us, that I can’t ignore the fact.

God knows what he permits these experiences in my life, many of them teaches me valuable lessons and helps me develop virtues and that is all I am willing to take from them.

Love is Everything

Yesterday I realized how important love is in our life. No wonder I was intrigued by it since I was a little girl and read about it on the Bible. There are many things that are part of our daily life and many skills we need to develop, specially if you are a girl but none of them, I came to realize, can replace our great need to love and be loved.

I always wondered how so many women got away with doing nothing in their household and still be loved by their partners. They don’t know how to clean, cook and a lot of them they can care less for kids and still they managed to have someone loving them by their side. It seems they concentrated on them and in loving their partners and in return men would do anything to keep them. These days you can see anything under the sun; from men raising kids to men cooking and cleaning after a hard day of work. I am not saying that men should not do these things, it is good that the couple share in their responsibility of their home but for the women to relinquish or neglect her responsibilities is another whole topic in itself.

So I wonder what is the calling of today’s women, has it changed for good or should we keep teaching our girls the basics of how to run and care for a household? Does it really matter?

Not All Is As It Seems

There is a certain perception people get from us as we move, talk and deliver subtle tones and mannerisms. They say a lot about who we are, or does it? Not so, many times we live behind smoking mirrors and masks placed there by circumstances and many times by life experiences. Are we to judge another for it? That is a delicate situation, I try not to because at the end of the road only the one traveling knows all the details of that journey and how hard it was to reach the present moment. I also don’t know their true challenges or intentions. Nobody likes to accept that something is wrong with them and if they do it is because they see no other alternative.

At one point or another we might be called to face reality and -as hard as it might be- we need to learn to embrace it. Each one of us know exactly how we can be reached deep inside but we don’t dare tell a soul unless we trust them. Peeling the layers to expose the tender areas of our being is much too risky for us to voluntarily let another see. It is like being in war and stand in the middle of road without any armor or weapons on; we feel as an easy target. To walk out and surrender is inconceivable.

People who have been abused in some way (physically, mentally or emotionally) in the past are the ones who look to control everything around them in order not to get hurt again. By stopping the normal flow of life in general and look for ways to channel it the way they want creates an unnatural circumstance that in time tends to follow their own natural course. Not knowing what to do, all becomes confusion and their world comes tumbling down. Controlling the normal flow of life is only a self-protection mechanism and in time and with the right mode of communication channels the walls of protection can come down.

Stereotyping, judging, criticizing and measuring changes does not stimulate the necessary trust to create improvement. I don’t know you, but I don’t like to be compared to anyone. I remember when my mom used to compared me with my cousin; She thought that by giving me an example that it would help me behave in a different manner, it was the opposite, I was deeply offended. How dare someone tells me that someone is better than me? Instead of stimulating me to change it makes me go in the opposite direction. If nobody can see the good in me -which by the way could be very different qualities than others- I doubt very much I would reveal it after been challenge to do so. I’m guilty to do that sometimes with my kids but at the same time I try to look for the uniqueness of each of them and their good traits and build on that. Do I do it all the time? No, but I try. I need that every once in a while, I’m not perfect but I’m sure I have some unique qualities worthy to be praised and instead what I am presented constantly is what I don’t have or can’t give at this time. One thing is for sure; if we don’t have our life together navigating through it becomes rough.

Nobody is Perfect

We all want it. The perfect relationship, the perfect partner, the perfect father/mother for our children, the perfect provider, etc. And let me tell you there are some GOOD DAMN ACTORS out there. If you are not careful you could live with one for a lifetime before you even know it. They get you in this comfortable zone where you are practically asleep, unaware of their true self.

Perfection is almost non-existent, we strive for it and we look for it in others but the truth is that -unfortunately- we need to be suspicious when we encounter it. Human nature is flawed and saints are uncommon, to think that we have found it in someone is fooling ourselves. Are you perfect? I’m not, and for the longest time I felt really bad about it specially when I compared myself to the one I thought was perfect. WHAT A FOOL. I thought that I was much wiser than I am, it looks I still have a lot to learn, we all do. Each relationship teaches me something I did not know, it is the only way to grow.

A dead branch has been cut off from me and it hurts, do you know why? Because it needs to be cut on the part that is still alive in order to stimulate growth, otherwise it will not sprout again. The same thing happens with our life, we many times need to cut right where we can feel we are still alive in order to make sure we got to the bottom of the circumstance. We need to be one with our pain to be transformed, to be shaped and molded into what we were meant to be. Then we need to be put through fire in order to harden, be useful and last longer.