The Quest for an Authentic Life

I found a little gem of a book called Beachcombing at Miramar; The Quest for an Authentic Life, it didn’t take me long to read it and soon after I found myself re-reading again. Today I took it from the bookshelf, this time is completely highlighted and I just thumbed through some key passages. “Once we possess another creature, we alter forever the inherent nature of that creature.” The only person we truly possess is ourself, it is our duty to know, develop and share our nature with others.

In my life trajectory so far I have been a daughter, a friend, a girlfriend, a wife, and a mother. Some of these relationships put me on a rite of passage; a life transition. Transitions are never easy, it involves recreating and shedding parts of our former life in order to make room for the new and that can be painful at times. It’s a renewal of the mind, an awakening of the soul. I would say that among all the different transitions one of the most important is the one we go through to live an authentic life. Life is not worth living if we are not living our truth, we become truly lifeless.

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Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity, Richness of Life

Disappointments

“Disappointments are to the soul what a thunderstorm is to the air.” - Friedrich Schiller

What value does disappointments hold in our life?
To me to be disappointed is to get something other than what I expected, but why should I expect anything at all? There is no way for me to know what another person is going to do, say or feel all I can do is accept or not what is offered to me.

I believe we should have goals in life and work towards them the best we can but the outcome could be so many things and we need to work with what it becomes. There are many routes to the same destination and different vehicles we can utilize to get to where we want to go, each person will pick the one suited to them. To be disappointed on someone just because they are not moving along at the speed and manner you can understand doesn’t mean that person is never going to make it. Judging never brings the best out in people but love and patience does. We all want to be the best that we can be but unfortunately not everyone can appreciate our struggles and efforts as we try to accomplish the task.

Moving along what life has to offer -or take from us- is part of the rewards and challenges we need to face. When there is nothing in our power to change our circumstances it is best to work with what we have. Going into despair is to give away our power and we become defenseless.

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Clary Lopez, author of Simplicity, Richness of Life

In Time You Find the Way

I almost forgot about this song, it helps me when I don’t feel good. Whenenver I am not in the present moment and think on the past or the future I lose my balance, everytime I do I feel terrible. I noticed other people experience the same. Some panic on things not working out just the way they want to and flee instead, leaving behind hopes and dreams.

The phrase “in time you find the way” reminds me that; nothing ever stays the same, not to act when my mind is not clear and my heart in pain, and love prevails. I’m very emotional right now even though I try hard to hide it, my emotions drain me many times. I hate it but that’s the way I am.

Tonight I’ll sing this song a few times and my heart and mind will go on ease, hopefully tomorrow will be a better day and I will get to smile again.

The “I Need a Friend” Project

How many times have you found yourself in a difficult situation with nobody to turn to?

Then you might be interested in participating on this project called
“I Need a Friend”

Find out how to participate and get the support and help you need from people who are willing to share their advice and personal knowledge with others in need. Our physical, emotional and spiritual health depends on how well we process our daily experiences and how we face challenges and problems in our life. Don’t wait another day. Talk to a friend.

A Sure Way to Grow

“Our trials, our sorrows, and our grieves develop us.” –Orison Sweet Marden

I remember a time when I wanted to be older, I envisioned it to be my ticket to freedom in order to do what I wanted to do, finally! How ironic, as time went by I realized that freedom is not to be able to do what I want to do but what I ought to do. Sometimes we ignore what we need to do in order to fulfill our earthly mission but we are soon reminded in the most uncomfortable ways; trials, sorrows, grief, sickness, etc. Unless we are shaken we would never stop to look deep within in order to find answers to our challenges. Most of us like to enjoy life without having to deal with pain and sorrow but it is in that pain and sorrow that our true self is revealed maybe for the first time even to us. In most cases is not a pretty picture, it is our being torned by past experiences, wounded, weak, sensitive to the most minimal criticism from those around us. It is not who we want to be or who we are at the moment but somehow others can’t forget our past.

As we enter dark moments in our life we are forced to be guided by others things other than our regular vision. Our emotions, our instincts, our faith and our soul needs to come into play in order to find a way out of our immediate misery. Accustomed to live on the flesh disregarding the soul will make this experience difficult. Trying to get away from the dark quick will also produce painful sensations since our whole being is calling us to experience and change at a certain level before we step away from it transformed. Like I mentioned before changes are not easy to make specially when we are uncertained of the outcome, that’s where faith comes in. Trusting that our trial has a reason for being and a purpose for our life and well being.

Truth has a way to make itself known. Inner peace is only achieved through a balance within, it is the satisfaction to know that our intention and our purpose is fully aligned to our individual persona. We can’t live our life under someone’s goals, values and intentions. Personal growth is an individual process calling us to put everything and everyone aside in order to be true to our self and our destiny. Failing to become individuals we slowly extinguished the very light we are called to let shine for the world to see. If we cover it, nobody will know it existed. One of the most painful experiences is to know that we are unknown to those around us, they are quick to see our faults and not our virtues. Another painful experience is to have hidden our individuality so well from those around us -in order not to disturb their life- than when it finally emerges it is rejected and their love and support is withdrawn from us.

I wonder what life would be if we decide to stay forever in our dark night just to keep the peace of those around us while the war continues inside of us. I don’t believe is possible to deny what it clamors for; transformation. To negate to go beyond what we know for sure is only denying the great possibilities God has in store for us.

Powerful Emotions

How many times in your life how you felt powerless over an emotion? Emotions stir us in many different directions, there are positive as well as negative emotions. The ones I want to explore here are the ones that keep us from moving forward, the ones that paralizes and make us hurt inside.

Fear is the most common emotion, creates a disturbance in the balance of our life, it causes pain and sometimes powerlesness. When we are faced with the unknown the most logical reaction is fear, stepping out in faith trusting our instincts is not easy to do. Sometimes our actions are linked to people around us and the fact that there is a possibility that we might make the wrong decision paralizes us. At times we will have someone waiting for us to make a decision on what our next step will be putting even more pressure on us. I personally don’t like to make sudden decisions because I know by experience that they are not the best ones to make since by not having enough time to think things through a wrong decision is very easy to make. Then I will have to live with the consequences for many years to come. I guess the best thing to do is look at the present circumstance under a truthful light with the help of a friend or therapist and see if there is a possibility to make it better. But it all ultimately depends on the willingness of our heart to get involved in the process which can be lengthy and painful.

There is no easy way to embark into the unknown and yet we sometimes are forced to do it. It is like wanting to learn to swim, we are scared to death to sink but if we don’t let go of the ledge and start our struggle we will never learn how to do it. After much trial and error and only when we relax as we go into the water is when we manage to stay afloat and then we can begin to enjoy the freedom to go into much deeper waters without the fear of drowning in the process. I guess it is the same in life, the more we fight a situation to be different the worst it is to keep it under our control. If you get too tense while in the water you’ll sink like a rock to the bottom. In order to enjoy the waves you first need to dive in and one by one face the waves that come your way until you find the one with the right rythm to carry you for a short while. Nothing is perfect and learning to wait for the right time is crucial for many of our life’s decisions.

Fear springs from the notion that what we want or need to do at any given moment might not be understood or accepted by those who are important in our life. At the same time it might be something that its crucial for our mental and emotional well being. Ignoring the fact that some things need to change in our life will not make our life better, only easier for those around us because we won’t inconvenience their comfort. In time that comfort will not exist because we are part of the equation and when we are not satisfied with our life neither will they.

So how do we get rid of fears? By facing them at the right moment. By trusting that our innate instincts are calling us to move on to a different level and to hope that we ultimately cross over to the unknown dressed with power and self respect for who we are as individuals fulfilling our personal calling in life.

You can’t give what you don’t have!

“If you aren’t good at loving yourself, you won’t be very good at loving any one else.” This is how an article on BAW begins and it is so true.

In life and in love we many times think that our life is difficult because we can’t get what we need when in reality it is us who need to give ourselves what we need first and then give that to someone else. Unless we are able to give and take, our life slowly becomes one of the most difficult things to manage as the times goes by.

Our bad and good experiences opens or closes our heart to others depending on our reaction. We need to understand that most of the time when we have a bad experience it is not because we haven’t give it our all, it is because the other person perhaps didn’t know how to accept what was given to them. On the other hand sometimes we can’t give our all because the other person is not completely opened to our sensitivities, they love us but at the same time they keep reminding us of how short we come to meet “their standards.” And yet there are other times in which we are so amazed at what is offered to us that we feel unworthy and run away from it.

We are who we are, not what we have done, nobody is perfect and is best to keep on looking for ways to live better today than we have in the past. As we look to develop new relationships and renew old ones we should be clear about who we are and show them. They should accept us for who we are. At this point in my life nothing less will do.

If you want to read a step by step of what you should do to insure you love yourself first, go here. It’s not as hard as it seems, it just requires time and attention to whom deserves it the most, YOU.

Love and Personal Legend

(Paulo Coelho Blog)

Life, love, personal legend should be contained within each and everyone of us. The way we live and love should ultimately help us fulfill our personal legend in our lifetime, it is the only way to attain peace within. Whenever we depart or renounce our personal legend our existence becomes unbearable, we might manage to distract ourselves with all kinds of work, people and situations but eventually it calls our attention.

Love should never prevent us from fulfilling our personal legend, only we decide to let that happen, if we dare do so we give way to a life accompanied by pain and discontent. According to my understanding of personal legend it gives us the necessary balance within in order to accomplish our mission in life, by ignoring or renouncing it we alter an integral part of our well-being. Many health problems are caused by this unbalanced or persistance to continue on a path that will never help us fulfill our personal legend.

Love should not be something conditional to a long list of requirements and expectations. It’s not something you initiate but that springs forth from the heart voluntarily, is not part of a plan or goal in anyone’s life, it just is. Whenever we think of love as something that should be part of our life instead of something that should manifest itself in our life we run the risk to make big mistakes. Love is like water, you see it running in the rivers and moving in the oceans nourishing life and beauty but the moment you try to contain it and get control of it you need to artificially purify it, treat it and maintain it in order to enjoy it. The moment you stop doing those things the water get stagnant and become as good as poison. Love should be something you are opened to in your life but that you never chase, try to control or create on your own.

Think twice when you find yourself deciding between love and your personal legend, if you are in that situation chances are you are deciding something you should not at all.

Naked Relationships

Relationships are delicate and important for every human being. It is the way in which we connect, grow and are nurtured. We need human contact because without it we die slowly. Isolation is good for brief periods in order to go within and get to not only know ourselves but to ultimately connect to our creator. Before we can give ourselves to someone else in a relationship we must possess who we truly are. I wish I could tell you about what age this happens but it’s different for everyone. I guess it’s a personal realization that we have been fooled to believe that a state in life (single, married or in a relationship) will somehow makes us feel better about who we are and where we are going on our life journey. The truth of the matter is that we need to have a “naked relationship” with ourselves first before we can have one with anyone else. What do I mean by naked? Naked to me is bare of all the usual obstacles we put before those we interact and share our life with. No masks, no pretentions, no smoked mirrors so the other person can see who we are and freely decide to interact with us. Some of us feel scared to do something like that, it’s like going to battle without your weapons and your armor, risky. Many of us have been hurt one too many times to dare walk into a relationship without a cautious mind set, but it is that mind set that will cause us to go into another bad relationship. With every bad experience we choose one more weapon or protection to accompany us in our journey. Each attack leaves a wound, a scar, a fear. Our once soft heart becomes hard and cold even though deep inside it is as tender as it could be. Unless we find a way to peel the layers built up on it and begin again we will never be totally happy.

The beauty of a good relationship is that our soul somehow is free to merge with another without losing its individuality. It’s not to get lost in someone but to share yourself with the one you love. Before that can happen you need to be opened to the spiritual realm. I don’t believe this is something we do consciensely; we can’t decide who and how are we going to connect in our life, it just happens. We come across some incredible people in our life but unfortunately we are not going to be able to create a connection with them no matter how hard we try. I’m not sure what it is but then somehow we are able to connect to others and communicate with ease; our guard is down, our heart opened and our spirit free. I’m not sure if our disposition somehow facilitates these relationships but I believe it’s the ideal to build upon. Sometimes it takes a long time to get to this frame of mind or spiritual enlightment but I strongly suggest that you don’t get into a permanent relationship until you get it.

Begin to Get What You Need

Remember my entry Getting What You Need? Well, I spoke about what I needed at least to one person (my mom) and she called me, and you know what? I got what I needed. Sometimes is not easy to speak out and lay it all out for others, you always take the chance to be disappointed but in this case I was not. I’m glad I wrote the words and that I got a positive response from her. Now, I’m encouraged to expand my horizon. I need to see the sunrise and the sunset in my life without any clouds in the sky.

All it takes for you to do the same is to access what’s in your heart and what has been nagging inside of you for so long. Instead of wishing things would work out differently every time and complain about it, express exactly what you feel and need. It is not easy and for some reason we stay quiet just to keep the peace while the war is way inside of us. I don’t believe that’s living.